Did I Overreact?

I don't think you over reacted. I received a card from my daughter who is 20 months old via daddy. I also got one from him with flowers. I think you had every right to expect or want a card from him. You should have a talk with him and tell him that you know he has a hard time w/ mother's day since his mother passed away, but he needs to be more sensitive to the fact that you guys are a family and you gave him a son. Without you he probably wouldn't be where he is today.

I'm sorry that that happened to you.
I too am the type to love to celebrate holidays, birthdays and X-Mas.
My husband isn't really into all of it as much as I am but if I plan something and buy all the decorations he goes along with it. Although he's good about buying presents and cards. So, yes I too expected a card from my 18 month old Son yesterday. I received it but I too had to let my husband know how much it means too me. I know Evan my son is not old enough to go out and buy it but when he gets older I can show him the scribbles he made on the card for me as a symbol to show him what it meant to me and how his daddy was involved and that's how I explain it to my husband. You will always need something to go back to one day and remember the good memories and especially if receiving a card makes you happy you'll remember that feeling forever.
I understand that your husband may have lost him mother a few years ago but he also needs to realize that he has a son and you to take care of. So he needs to make the best of what he has left which is his family. His mother is gone now but if he had these things (which I don't know if he has any childhood memorandums) then it could help him to know that the good memories and especially if you have something to look at could help you get past the bad parts that are going on.
Show your other how much fun it can be to get into and that having good memories they last and are worth the time to make and keep.
If he wants to see you both happy and keep you happy then he can bend or sacrifice a little to make the small stuff to him but a big part of you happen.
Have you tried going and talking to anyone about this? You both attending to help him mend and to help you both understand eachother?
Just Asking sometimes it helps because if you both feel you can't talk to the other because they might not understand or don't want to understand it helps to talk to someone else to help get the message across.
Or attending church will really open someone's heart and eyes.
~Good Luck and God Bless~

I don't think you overreacted. It would've been nice for him to help your son acknowledge Mother's Day for you, since your son is too young to do it himself. When Father's Day rolls around next month, don't even blink an eye. Despite what he tells you, he probably really would want to be acknowledged for Father's Day, and this is a chance to show him how it feels.

This is a problem with my husband and myself, as well. All I asked for this year was a nap, and my husband wouldn't even let me have that. With three kids, ages 8, 6, and 15 months, you'd figure he would learn that I just want to be treated a little extra special on a day that is supposed to honor me. He doesn't. But when Father's Day rolls around every year, I hear about how it's "his day" and how he wants to do what he wants, etc, even though he insists that he doesn't care about things like that. I suspect your son's father is probably the same way, deep down.

It seems like wanting to celebrate everything has caused the opposite to happen - it's not a celebration if you ( or he) end up crying about it. Mother's Day really is a gift card company creation - I wouldn't feel too sad about it really - seems like society puts these expectations out there to sell more stuff really. Try to think of a day when something wonderful & unexpected happens/happened & consider that your mothers day gift.
If you know he's not into holidays you can't really expect that to change. If he expects some big to-do on Father's Day THEN you can talk about this again.

hey - my husband isn't into any holidays or b-days, BUT he doesn't even remember his own or expect anything. I never get anything for V-day or mother's day - but I know he doesn't keep up w/ dates and after 11 years, I am used to it. he does feel bad b/c he doesn't do anything. I told him yesterday at 4pm that he hadn't wished me happy mother's day... he was embarassed he hadn't done it! You are not wrong to be hurt - it is hurtful when you are a person who loves to celebrate and no one wants to celebrate you. my best mother's day was yesterday b/c my son is finally in pre-K and they made cute stuff for mom's at school. but it's the first time I've ever gotten anything from anyone!! Hang in there. your child loves you and you can cling to that. You can focus on knowing you are a good mom and have a girl's lunch out and chat w/ friends who sympathize. Happy Mother's day to you D.!! :-)

If I had this situation happen to me, the first thing I would ask is why am I really upset? Is it really about a card, or maybe the fact that you feel that he gets to control what mother's day (or any holiday) mean to you and the family?
What I have learned being in a relationship with my husband, is that sometimes when things are more important to the other person than to you, sacrifice is imperative, and if you are in a true partnership, they will sacrifice the same for you.
My advice would be to explain to him that Mother's Day means a lot to you (and it should, mama!) and since he is married to you, he needs to honor this. When something means a lot to him, you will honor that, it's being in a partnership. Different view points call for one thing-RESPECT. I find it the key ingredient in a successful relationship. With Respect for one another, everything else comes in to play nicely.
As for over-reacting, everyone over reacts when emotions are high, the important thing is to calm down (give it 24 hours) and realize what the real problem is, and how to compromise. again, I'd say the real problem is control here. It's up to BOTH of you to decide how to live out the holidays. With compromise and respect, you both get what you want but not without a bit of sacrifice.

I can't judge you to say whether you over reacted or not but I can say for me it didn't really matter to me whether I got a card or a gift. It's knowing that I bought my two sweet children into this world and I don't know what I would do without them. If you really want a card sit down with him and help him make you one. Go to the store and let him pick out stuff to add to the card and you help him put it together. It would give you more time to spend with him and it would be way more memorable because he may remember you helping him do this. Maybe your husband just doesn't have the patients to help your son do this. And then maybe his parents never took the time to do this with him so he doesn't understand the joy you get from spending valuable time with your children. Can you imagine the women out there that want to be mother's and can't conceive or have lost their babies? Count it all joy that you have a beautiful baby to spend Mother's Day with and have a Blessed Mother's Day. I did I woke up to my kids jumping on me and pulling me out of bed!!!:-)

My son is 18 months old and my husband got me a card and had him scribble on it for his signature, along with a few other things and a really nice trip to the mall. I wish you could feel special on Mother's Day too. But I really do not know how you could change your husband. If you guys were arguing when you tried to tell him how it makes you feel, maybe you could try waiting a few days. When you are both having a good time and getting along really well that would be a good time to calmly bring it up and tell him how it hurt you. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did at all.

You did not overract at all. I would have been hurt too.

I totally understand how you feel. I get the same thing from my husband and he is 2 years younger than I am. He does not like to spend money on stuff because (1 - we don't always have it and 2 - what you get is not tangible). We have 3 kids and when they were 1 & 2, he did not see the use of gifts,etc either. As the kids have gotten older and can tell you what they want, he, under their direction, has had to change his thinking. It's really hard to tell your child, you mother isn't worth it or no I don't want to do anything for your mom when they are excited about doing somethign. So, keep the faith, as long as you talk to your son about this stuff, it'll come through and your significant other will have to make the choice, to either play along with the holidays or to not. The downside is that your son will resent him for not letting him get things for you and that is somethign that your significant other will have to realize and accept on his own.

No, I can understand why you were upset. Before you start talking about ending things, take a deep breath. My husband is this way with Christmas, he can be a real scrooge, so I understand a little bit, although he does okay with other holidays for some reason! Maybe you can just sit down with your husband now... calmly... and talk about what you would like and what you expect from holidays. Like that for birthdays/mother's day etc.. it would be nice for him to help your son make a homemade card. Or maybe a card from him... mother's day after all is also at time for him to appreciate what a good mother you are to his son. My kids at that age would color/scribble on a store-bought card and now they can make thier own, and it's neat to see the progression. Maybe on Father's day you can do this kind of thing for your husband and show him how it's done. Good luck.

Sweetie,

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Period. I suggest you get into counseling. It couldn't hurt.

you did NOT overreact. I would have been hurt too. I have 2 kids and from the first mothers day I have gotten something from the kids via hubby. what I would do is give him something from you and from your son and go on and on about how nice it was that your son got him something and wasnt that sweet etc. and " dosnt that feel good dont you feel loved" or you could try the strait approach and just talk to him about how special holidays are for you. or heres another option,if he has friends that are married and have kids , ask them if they got their wives something for mothers day or " what do you guys do for mothers day" theres a pretty good chance they do SOMETHING.

My husband is the same way.
For the first year of our marriage I bought all of my own birthday, x-mas, and anniversary gifts and pretended HE bought them for me.
I didn't get anything for mother day this year either.
I don't thnk you over reacted.
It seems to me like he's bitter about holidays and its not fair that he's trying to make your son the same way.
2 1/2 is NOT too young to start him on traditions.
I wish I could give you advise but your husband sounds just like mine, and if you try to reason with him it'll just trn into an argument and no matter what he'll never care about things you like anyways so why bother.

No ur not wrong and I actually seen someone say u were b/c you cant change ur husband. But its not about changing, its about appreciation and love and he doesnt have to change who he is to muster up enough love for you on 1 day to help ur child do something for you.You are not asking him to buy you the world, ur simply asking for a show of love on a day that is for you.

I dont think you did. I had a similar mothers day on my first mother's day. Like you my husband and I have actually 11 years between us. I do expect the same as you a card from both of them actually. Mother's Day is yes for mothers but it also celebrates your wife if you have children together. If it didnt represent that them there wouldnt be cards for husbands to their wives. My husband also lost his mom almost years now. So Im jst as sensitive to that as anyone. However our life together is what is going on right now. He is now better after 2 years and he took me to the rennissance festival yesterday. I didnt get a card or a gift, ut it was due to the fact I didnt find anything I liked as of yet. So gift is still pending. Cards now a days just sit in drawers so I am ok with out one. But it is nice to get something and Im sorry he didnt. Maybe you should have a serious heart to heart with him. If he really truelly loves you then he should understand and amend his ways. Just make him understand that you get that your not his mother but you are the mother of your son and his wife. So he needs to make it special regardless and then decide on how you want to react. I had the exact same reaction on my first mothers day and have had the same thought. But here we are 2 years later and we are doing better when it comes to mother's day. Hope this makes you feel a little better.
M.
Alex 27 1/2 months

Absolutely not! I am the same way. I try to show my husband how important it is to me to receive things like cards from our son (who is 20 months) by doing things like that for him on Father's Day and his BIrthday. Then when he receives it, it touches him so much, that hopefully he will get the hint. But, this MOther's Day, he seemed to have forgotten to get me something from our son, but he did do something very nice for me. So, instead of reminding him of what he did wrong, I was grateful for what he did right. I have a hard time with that, because I was disappointed that I didn't get a card from our son, or even him, but I had to give him the credit for what he did do.
I think now that you've had that argument, maybe you could just see how it goes the next holiday, since he now knows how important it is to you. Also, try doing something special for him on Father's Day and getting him a sweet card to "Daddy" from his son and see if maybe he appreciates it and gets it then!
Kate

No, you are not overreacting. If you're waiting around for your 2 1/2 year old to remember and initiate something special for you for Mother's Day, you may be waiting a long time. Things like that are still hit or miss with my 17 year old.

Your significant other is there to teach and encourage your little one in that. By doing little things like you said, maybe making mom a homemade card and wishing her Happy Mother's Day. That's really not asking a lot. You are very understanding of your husband. I might have been a bit crankier with mine. :)

Take care.

D., I think there was a little bit of overreaction from both parties involved. It is very easy to overreact in an argument like that, things keep on escalating on both sides. It sounds like you are trying to compromise with him, but he isn't trying to do the same. I have been brought up to believe that divorce is only an option when things are wrong, not uncomfortable or unpleasant, so I'm not going to counsel on that. I will say that if you are having questions about whether you can stay with him for the rest of your life you need to find a counselor to talk to. If possible find a counselor that both of you are comfortable with. There are a lot of 'divorce counselors' out there. I have had friends go to them and their main focus is keeping the adults friends, not married people. Try and find a Christian counselor (not all pastors are good counselors, so be careful going that route) - they are going to do everything they can to help the two of you resolve as many issues as possible and help you stay married. Don't keep wondering if you 'can stay with him' - go do something so you can!! I understand how you feel, my husband wouldn't know how to be romantic if he went out and got a degree in romance and that's the kind of attention I thrive on. It's hard being with a person who doesn't 'live your language' as a friend of mine says. It can and does work, though, as each partener grows and compromises in everyday things. I'll be praying for y'all!

When I read your request I got chills up my back! I swear some one put a tape recorder in our house, because my husband and I have had that same exact conversation! Our 13 year anniversary is in a couple of months and we have three children. He has NEVER done anything for ANY holiday outside of Christmas. I used to get really upset over it and bawl like a baby. Now I just do what ever it is I want and don't go out of my way to include him at all. Not that I EXCLUDE him mind you, but the kids and I do our own thing and don't worry about what he's doing. Good luck hun, I feel your pain.

Ayy nena!!

I'll do worse then u, lol. He suposedd to be the first one on say Hpy mooms day" cause u gave him a son!!!..

I think your feeling are who you are... it's okay to be upset and disappointed. I think there are thing we wish would be different sometimes about other people... but then you have to sit back and think that there might be things that other would like to be different about you.
The reality is... we only have the power to change ourselves and you did the right thing by expressing your disappointment and then you took control of your disappointment by having a wonderful day at the zoo with your son... you controlled your attitude and for that you should be proud!
For your son's sake and yours you have taken a big step by talking it out and should continue to do so if it makes you feel better... if not with your husband then with a third party that can remain netural... as you did today!
HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS DAY!

I'm so sorry about your mother's day. I am the mother of two girls, 4 and 5. My husband takes them to a store and lets them pick a gift for me and then they make cards. He has done this since they were 2 years old and they have always loved picking their own gifts and helping to wrap. If your husband is unwilling to participate, what about other family or friends. For me, the gift doesn't matter, but my girls excitement in giving is sooo cool. We do this with our girls for Christmas and birthdays and of course father's day. Maybe if you explain to your husband how excited and good your child will feel maybe he will help him do something to celebrate. I love holidays and my husband used to be a little scrooge like at Christmas, but I went ahead and made a huge deal out of it for our girls and he gets into the spirit and loves it now. If that doesn't happen have a friend help him make a present and wrap it or give your friend a few dollars to take him to a store and pick out a surprise. I believe that celebrating the holidays is fun for kids and it is good for them to experience how good giving feels.
I do not think you overreacted because I would be very upset if mother's day wasn't celebrated because we all have fun. Everyone likes to feel special sometimes. It sounds like you are a good mother and I was impressed to read that you celebrated with your son regardless of your husband. If your husband won't compromise maybe seeking counseling would help. Good Luck!

I will have to go with yes you overreacted. How long have you know your husband? Did you really and truely expect something. Growing up my dad was the one who was more into holidays. My mom could care less. I could see that it hurt my dad when she didn't do things for holidays. Now I am married to a husband who looks at every day as the same as the next. Now that we have kids he gets into holidays and birthdays for them a little. I am still the one who does all the planning and buying of gifts. I know that for days that were meant for me that there will be slim pickings. It bothered me at first but I just learned that that is who he is. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love me any less. It's just that his family didn't make a big deal out of holidays and he doesn't understand the importance of them. Now when it comes to days meant for him I do very little. Part of me wants to go all out but I don't. I guess in a way I am trying to make a point but also he really doesn't care so why should I. I don't mean to sound synical about it but you have to face the fact that you can not change your husband. The way he feels about things is from a life time of experiences. You can't expect him to change in just a few years. Over the years he may get better. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. This year we went out to eat Saturday before Mother's day. I didn't get a card from my kids but I thought dinner was an improvement. One more thing, think about the positive aspects of your husband. We are not all perfect or the same. He accepts you and your imperfections, shouldn't you his?

My husband agrees that since I am not his Mother, that he does not typically get me a card. He does get a card from my daughter to me with a gift significant to her age. My daughter was born the day after Mothers Day so with all the celebration for her birthday, I didn't expect much. This year all of the out-of-town guests left early so we spent the day together and went shopping for a gift for me (a first). He bought me a very nice gift and the day together was wonderful.

Celebrations no matter for what, are a time to bond with your family. Keep in mind that your husband will not change his view on this. Try your best to make the celebration for your son so he can grow up knowing that life is a time to be happy and joyous and count our blessings. Maybe as your son gets older, he will see how happy this makes you and your son and he will come around.

Best of luck, girl!

D.,

I don't think that you overreacted at all. I have a young son as well and when those holidays come I ensure that my son takes the time to either make a card, or I buy one for him to present to his dad. My ex-husband used to do the same for me. Matter of fact when he was younger I'd have him put his hand in paint and make his "hand signature" on the card. I say your reaction was perfectly normal. Though his mom passed away some time ago, it does not excuse him from participating in something that clearly means so much to you. If for no other reason, just to see you smile. Take care and I pray things get better for you.

L.

D.,

You did not overreact!!! This man is selfish, and if we was an "amazing father" he would be teaching his son how important you are. When your son gets older, how will he know what to do, if not taught? I have a 5 year old son and for the past 3 years my son goes to the store with my husband and helps pick out a gift and a card (we do the same for Father's day).
Personally, I wouldn't have my son around someone so insensitive. It does not sound like a give and take kind of relationship. I'm not suggesting you leave him, but he needs to start treating you with respect--you did give birth to HIS son.
Best of Luck.

NO!!!!!! You did not overreact :) You under reacting in my opinion!!!!

It doesn't matter that your child is small, he can't buy or make a gift on his own without help from someone (ie significant other). And, if he doesn't start doing special stuff for his mom now, when he is old enough to do it on his own he won't because he won't understand or see the importance. I'm sorry that your husband's mother passed away, but that doesn't give him the right to "forget" mother's day for you,

I have two small children and they each give me a card and gfit (via daddy buying it of course) for mother's day, birthday, christmas, any other holiday that gifts are done. But then again, we (husband, his family, me, my family) are all like you and holidays and celebrating family members is always a HUGE deal for us :)

I don't know what to tell you or offer any advice on how to make things better in the future except maybe seek out a professional on the matter (some churches offer cosultation/counseling/etc and it's usually free).

Good luck :)
~A.

Well, Id be just as upset/hurt as you are....my husband gets me something from my daughter and she is only going to be two this year....its not like its hard to go outta your way and just grab a card or something..he is very ignorant and personally I wouldnt be getting him anything or doing anything for fathers day and his birthdays if he is gonna be like that...cuz he will see how much it hurts when you dont make a big deal about fathers day and when you dont get him anything for his bday....it seems like he isnt all about giving he is all about getting...and personally he needs to grow up and im glad you went out and spent it with your son....

No, YOU are not wrong! And good for you for making a beautiful day with your son by getting out and taking him to the zoo. A morning like that might have ruined my whole day. You sound like a very uplifting person to be around. It's hard to believe your husband could be so complacent with the likes of your energy around. I'm sorry that he didn't try to make your day more special. I'm really surprised that he didn't want to join you two on your outing. I can't say that I know what to do in a situation like this. Sounds like there are big issues, though. Maybe a few sessions of counseling would help?

Hi D.,
I'm so sorry your mothers day was so hard. I can't imagine having to be with so one so insensative. I'm 5 years older than my husband, we have 2 kids together and I have 2 kids from my previous marriage. He and I are also very different, backgrounds, I'm Native American, he's Columbian (Spanish always have such an amazing zest for life, no matter how old they are).

I'm not going to tell you what a crappy guy your husband is, I'm sure you love him for many reasons. I will tell you to spend you holidays teaching your son the value of life. Just like you did this year. If your husband doesn't want to participate, don't get upset, use it as quality time with your child. Teach him that each holiday is important and why they mean so much to you. He will carry that with him as he gets older, and maybe your husband will come around later as well. You don't want you son to grow up thinking that his father behavior is normal or acceptable in any way, because it wasn't. He was completly rude and dispresectful to you. You don't want your husband teaching your son how to devalue you and your beliefs. Besides, Fathers day is coming up and he will probably be expecting something from you. You have 2 choises, ignore him and tell him it's just another day (like he did with you) or blow it up and make it a fantastic deal, (use it as a lesson to teach your son to take the high road). If I were you, I would make a huge deal out of it. If he ends up feeling guilty for not celibrating Mothers Day, that's his fault, not yours.