DH Called My Son a "Brat". Am I Being Overly Sensitive?

If it were me, I'd prefer that it was phrased "you're acting like a brat," but really, in the long run, if he's a phenomenal father this one thing isn't going to be a make it or break it for the kids.

If you do decide to talk to him, I'd make it after the fact and alone, just in conversation. Don't go about it judgmentally or in anger. I'd approach it more of "I wanted to talk to you about something that just rubs me the wrong way."

I do not like name calling. If mine were in deed acting like a brat. I would say they are "acting up". But never names. I do not like to hear other moms and dad do this to children. So I would probably tell him not to say that, he can think it all he wants. But keep the names to himself.

You should tell him you don't like name calling and would rather he kept the attention on the wrong behavior, not title the child about it. He probably has no idea it's offensive since so many people do it. It doesn't strike him the same way.
I agree with hating it. I feel like a child hearing a parent say "You are acting bratty" , implies "You, my wonderful child, are choosing a wrong behavior" whereas "You are a brat" sounds like a final declaration of who they are that they could take to heart.
Ever since my kids got old enough to hear other kids called brat or bratty, sometimes we'll say, "Oh, now, don't be a brat like Varuca Salt" in a joking tone, but I would never say it in anger for a serious situation. We say "Don't do such and such," not "Do not BE such and such, or You ARE a such and such." It seems too personal and offensive to self esteem to be called names of any kind unless it's fun teasing.

I also hate it when people say "My son is ADHD" instead of my son HAS ADHD. I just hate the labels.

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Labeling or name-calling "help" the child identify who he is and what course his life is taking, especially when it comes from as influential a source as a mom or dad. The "self-fulfilling prophecy" is not a myth, it has real and present effects on the tender souls of our kids.

While all kids occasionally engage in behavior that adults would consider bratty, it's extremely unhelpful to then quantify that child as a brat. Guess what opinion they'll live up to, especially if their future successes and failures are often examined through that filter? Just one negative assessment is powerful. Repeated negative messages can be devastating.

For more on this sort of dynamic, you might wish to google "Emotion Coaching." Every child I know who's been raised by these principles has been far ahead of their peers in emotional maturity, and had a much stronger sense self-esteem and why they wanted to make good choices for themselves.

I might say that someone is being bratty, but I wouldn't call my child a brat. If you don't name-call at home, and don't allow DS to do it, then it shouldn't be allowed. I don't like labeling kids either and would have spoken up (out of earshot of my son). I have bad feelings about name calling when I was a child, yours may be similar, but it sounds like his family uses those names. Just talk to him about it.

You and your husband model the behaviors you want your child to do.. Calling people names is not accepted.. thus calling anyone a Brat is not acceptable..

Just remind him..

No, and I would have a problem with it also. I think its fair for you to voice your opinion to your DH. Hopefully, he takes your opinion into consideration.

I try not to call my kids names, but I have certainly told them that they are behaving like brats, or are being bratty. If he actually called your child a brat, I would ask him not too do so, but if he was commenting on behavior, than I would not consider that the same thing.

we tell her shes being a "brat"..... yes, or acting like a "bad girl(baby)", among other things, we are also sure to tell her when shes being an "angel" and a "good girl(baby)" too. We are not awfully angry about it, we act dissapointed.

My husband and I feel this is fine to do, If you disagree with the word your husband should not use it, you guys have to agree on that. Or compromise.

IMO theres a difference between being something and acting like something

I refer to my son as a brat when he is acting as such
Definition of BRAT
1a : child; specifically : an ill-mannered annoying child <a spoiled brat> b : an ill-mannered immature person
2: the child of a career military person <army brats>; also : the child of a person whose career is in a specified and typically unusual field <Hollywood brats>
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/brat
It is a word, people use it, if you do not like your parent partner using it then ask him to find another word and why.

You've gotten many responses already but just my 2 cents: there is a big difference between having an issue with a child's behavior vs. having an issue with who they are as a person. Calling your child a brat or similar is basically telling them who they are as a person in a very negative way. It is much more productive to tell them that you don't like the way they are behaving - this does not attack their character, it gives them a chance to choose a more positive behavior.

Maybe your DH was just having a "moment" and lost his temper to some extent and what he said was more of a gut reaction than a well-thought-out response. But I would talk with him and explain the difference between what is said and how it can come across. Personally, I think kids that are called brats and other negative terms tend to live up (or down) to those labels and are more likely to continue to behave poorly since they already have been told they are "brats" and therefore believe that they are incapable of being anything else. Like Peg M. said, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I never call them names. I called my son "bad" once and he freaked out. He told me he was a good boy and who was I to argue with that? My response was that yes, he was a good boy all the time, but at that moment, his BEHAVIOR was very bad. I make a big deal out of making sure they know they are good people, but they can make bad choices sometimes. Maybe it's just me and you, but no - they don't get called names other than nicknames.

Why is telling your child that he/she is a brat considered name calling? If my LO is being a brat, I tell her so just like I tell her she’s being an angel. Would you tell your LO “oh, you are acting like an angel?” Do they really know the difference between acting like or being? And if they do, is it really going to crush them to know that they are being a brat? If I’m being a jerk, well, guess what – I’m being a jerk at that time. Does that make me a jerk all the time? Is being called a jerk name calling? Frankly if I’m being a jerk I will usually try to apologize for being a jerk. I wonder if this is why we have children who feel so entitled/self-centered these days because we try so hard to not tell it like it is. Oh, and I’m generalizing. But, I’m so tired of how parents seem to think things like this affects every child the same way. My LO is amazing, sweet, thoughtful, and caring – however she’s also 3 and she can be a brat and she knows it. She also knows that both her Dad and I think she’s amazing, sweet, thoughtful, caring, etc and we do make it a point to tell her so, but again, if she’s being bad… well…we don't sugarcoat it.

In the opposite situation we have a friend that tries the “oh, sweetie, please stop acting bad,” and tries to sugarcoat everything. Well he’s 4 and he acts like a 2 year old – throwing tantrums, yelling, screaming, running away, hitting. Guess what – our daughter rarely has a tantrum. She doesn’t yell, scream, hit, etc. Out of the other children we know, she’s the one that can be taken to nice restaurants, shopping, office, etc and we rarely have to worry that she will “act like a brat.”

Calling him a brat is akin to calling him stupid.

If he is doing something wrong do something about it, but don't call him a name. Act like an adult/parent, not a child. When you call a child a name you are acting like a child and come down to a childish level. Be a parent and take action to reward or punish, depending on what is most appropriate. IMO, if you only punish and don't praise or reward, you are not being a well rounded parent.

Good luck to you and yours.

I used to feel sensitive, very, then I realized that the small angelic person I made had the other side that worked just as powerfully and knew without a shadow of a doubt that bad manners or rude behavior was the same as brat to others and I gave up the worry that she would always hate me or remember one instance of me being angry and telling her what her behavior had created in others.

Now I make it clear, when she throws fits or yells or has attitude I call it what it is, attention seeking selfish power hungry behavior that will not get a reward. I won't give her more time, more love, more attention, or figure out why she's sad, shes advanced intellectually and I treat the behavior as it is. I make sure she knows it is not acceptable as a kid or an adult. When she's out now she notices that kids get goodies for screaming and she loses all kinds of extras (t..v. games, movies, library, swimming, etc.,) for related behavior. I've told her she is entitled to her feelings and always to talk about them, just be aware some reactions won't be the ones she's seeking, that if she wants my behavior to be more favorable then she has to act in a way to gain that behavior.

She knows the princess in the movie has good manners and the evil step sisters are angry mean and less the lovely.

I suspect your DH simply called it like it was, I'd like honest reaction to...pretend or false reactions. If you want more diplomacy then ask for it, remind him when your son is behaving X that you would like a cushion for your own sensitive nature. Not unfair or wrong, just is what it is. My DD is a wild, amazing, loud, difficult natured person. I do not love her less for the honest matter that she's like five kids at once! she tests every limit every time every minute, much more energetic then I was as a kid.

My DD isn't always a brat, she isn't always an angel, but sometimes she can be one or the other for a while.