Demanding Toddler

Plan weekly (at least) play dates for yourself and your toddler with other moms who have little ones the same age. If you don't have any in your circle, take toddler to a park on a regular basis where you can meet some other moms in the same position. If you belong to a church, there is always a resource to provide you with this type of opportunity.

I had a similar problem with my now 2 year old. He was always "nipping at my heels." I don't think I did this intentionally, but it happened and it worked...

I'd set my son up with some toys or books and then walk out of the room to do the dishes, check email or use the restroom, then come back about 2 minutes later and check on him. And I'd keep doing this throughout the day. Eventually it got to where I could leave him for 15 minutes so I could take a shower and he'd be content playing when I'd go back to check on him. I also remember a phase where he'd play for 10 minutes and then want me to play with him for about 10 minutes... this "trade off" was kind of nice.

I think the kids just want to know that we're close by. I remember giving him lots of reassurance and lots of hugs and kisses too - and talking to him, telling him what I was going to do and when I'd be back.

Developmentally we cant really expect any independent play at this age .. and almost all play is more meaningful, educational and satisfying if you are somewhat involved.
Try to get play dates and playgroups so others can play with him/her if you need to devote much time to other things.
Chores in the home - you need to do WITH him/her even though it takes much longer ... they learn this way and you bond also.

Safe space where you put the baby to play and keep checking in or singing etc even when out of sight is ok too.

Remember: Independent play is a godsend - not a right!!!

Dear T.,

Look into forming a play group once a week with other children you child's age. There are other mothers with small children who probably want the same thing. There's a program called "Joy School". I think you could find it on the internet. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has lots of young mothers with children. Check it out in your area.

Louise H.

You might want to consider enrolling your toddler in a play group maybe 3 hours two to three days a week. The child can get time to play and learn from other kids,develops social skills and you get your cleaning and errands done. not to mention you are not just sticking your child in front of the TV

I have 2 children, 5 yrs. old and 1 yr. old. My first child, my daughter is more clingy, and this has been the case since she was born. My 2nd child, my son, is more independent. My daughter always wanted to play with me and like you, wanted all my time. She still to this day, likes to have "company" when she plays or have us with her. She is not as "clingy" now, but is gradually growing up about it. What I did to deal with it, and I know how tiring it can be... but I would just do my thing in the same room and tell her "mommy is right here, you can play with your things okay?" And I would make sure she has an activity to do or her favorite things around her. Sure, she would at times "tantrum" about it or cry and whine and say "Mommy come play with me..." but I held my ground and re-assured her with my "tone" of voice and tried to soothe her that way. Remember, kids learn by repetition and positive reinforcement, cause and effect. As she got older, we just still do that and explain to her "Mommy has to cook dinner now, you play too. If you need me, tell me with your nice voice and I will help you...." etc. She has "learned" to deal with it. The world will not come to an end if they are upset about it. Just offer love "at a distance" even though you are right there, and use your voice to help them understand. When they do play independently, give them praise and a hug, (not candy) and tell them how proud you are of them etc. My daughter mind you, even though she was/is this way at times, she is perfectly confident and is not this way in school. She is well adjusted. But at home, she just likes having US play with her. But she is good about it now and will play by herself and is "growing up."

Each child has their own personality. My friend has a son who is the same way as yours. But, as a Mom, the world must go on and we have to do things around the house. The child will "learn." We "teach" them the ropes so to speak. If they sulk or tantrum about it, well, just let them. Sometimes we can't appease every little "demand" they make. It is not being "mean" it is letting them learn how to be independent. Sure, make sure they are safe and happy... be in the same room to keep "contact" with them and so they can always "see" that you are there for them and love them just the same, even though you are not "right" there with them.
It takes time... I do know it's not easy and can be stressful. You will get lots of suggestions I"m sure. But this is what has helped us and what my daughter has responded too. Maybe with your son he will respond differently, but try different approaches.
Good luck and take care,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

If your baby will stay in a pack and play it is really good for them to have that confinement for about 30 minutes a day to play independantly. It is even better to put it in an area where they cannot see you. If he/she screams some at first they should get used to it. If has worked great for my two and my 13 month old is a mover and does not like to be confined.

Good luck.