removed question for privacy and protection of parties... Thank you all for your input though
I believe step mom is over stepping her bounds.
If the childs mother is stepping and being a mom then the stepmom does not and should not assume that role.
I think stepmom is within her bounds unless Mom has asked her to stop supporting her child.
No way stepmom and mom can become a united force for the child? That would be the best thing of course.
Why is stepmom going to all the meetings and such, is mom going too?
If stepmom has been married to daddy all these years I'm sure she is pretty close to the child and is doing the right thing by being involved especially since they have the child 3 or 4 wknds per month.
Mom can't find the strength to have a meeting with stepmom and let her know how she feels and ask her to maybe not attend some of the functions and let mom attend them instead?
It's still so hard to understand why grown ups cant focus enough on what their child needs and let their feelings for each other just fall to the wayside, especially after the divorce has been final for a long time and everyone has moved on. Why do we have such a hard time doing that for our children?!
Pride is rearing it's ugly head once again.
ADD ON:
This is why it is so important to really know each other before having children in hopes that you wont have conflicts leading to divorce ESPECIALLY because the new laws have empowered the fathers and chances are you have your child basically ripped from you at certain times during the month for the "visitations". This is something everyone needs to consider before having a child. Once the courts have to step in and help you raise your children you are obligated to their rulings whether they seem fair or not. I could not imagine having to share custody with a man that I didnt want in my life. So, so scary for all of these young parents that have to deal with the joint custody thing. I feel so bad for all involved.
I suppose I am a bit biased since I have a close relative in a similar situation. I really don't believe that the stepmom is overstepping, especially since she is married to the baby's father. As long as her intentions are in the best interest of the child, the mother should be happy that the child has someone else in his life that truly cares for him. Like I said though, as long as the stepmom is genuine.
In my experience, it seems that the step parent treats the stepchild very dismissively and puts the majority of attention and love elsewhere, such as children that were had in the current marriage. I feel it is more beneficial for a child to have too much love/attention/people who care than not enough.
Hope this helps!
This sounds like normal emotions in a stepparenting situation. If they all can continue to treat each other with respect in front of the child, then that's great. There's no way a stepmother can be "keeping the mom from being a mom" especially not with the child spending most of his time with his mom. Being a stepmom is somewhat of a "thankless" job. Do it too well, and mom gets upset, don't do it and mom gets upset. (I've been a stepmom for 25 years). The thanks only comes in seeing a young person grow up as healthy and happy as possible.
Good luck to them in working out the custody/move/new marriage changes. A 50/50 split would likely be unworkable across that distance as the child needs to be in one school. My experience has only been in MN, but it is that a court is not likely to stop a person from moving and unlikely to change custody just based on a move.
The child needs to be with one parent full time and visit the other. It is not good for the child to be having to go back and forth on school days to get to school. The dad needs to have a set visitation schedule such as pick up the child at 6pm on Friday and have him home by 6pm on Sunday. That way the child can get settled in, wind down, and get to bed on time and be rested for school on Monday.
My daughter went to live with her dad when she was 8. I was very grateful for a step mom who cared enough to love her and take part in her life. She sat her down after school and helped her with homework, she took her to soccer practice, she took her to the doctor appointments, took off work when she was sick, all without complaining or saying a word. She is still my friend and I think she is awesome. I saw my daughter when I was out of school and spent as much time with her as possible. After I graduated from college and moved back to my home state my daughter lived with me again and I found her to be a bright, talented, well adjusted child who I saw much influence of her step mom in. I think the step mom in question is the best thing that happened to my family.
If the mom thinks the dad has a chance of getting custody then she might want to have a mediator assist in the resolution of this conflict. Otherwise she just needs to bring up the dad is never home and the step mom would be raising the child.
There is no way to keep a mom from being a mom unless the mother doesn't want to. Will the new step father keep the dad from being a dad? Let's be fair. All of these people need to co-operate and co-parent the children. The kid didn't chose the situation, but is stuck with it.
It sounds like the stepmom is trying to be as prepared as she can to be a co-parent for this child. Mom may feel threatened, but when you get a divorce, this stuff happens and it has to be dealt with. The best thing she can do is be polite and cordial around dad & step mom and do her best to make sure they ALL work in the best interests of the child.
No. She loves the child as well, and is also a mother to the child. She is concerned for the child's well being, as she should be. A step mother is not less of a parent when she has been in the child's life almost from the start. I know it can be hard for the birth mom to accept this, but it is what it is, and a child can never have too many people who love them and look out for them. Plus, if the councilor wants the most accurate info for background, he or she should be talking to both sets of parents, because I guarantee that they will have different takes on the child, and their history.
I don't think step mom is overstepping at all (parent teacher conferences, volunteering, all of that is fine), BUT I believe Dad is. Trying to get full custody when he is rarely home is ridiculous. Mom doesn't work, so she's able to be there full time for her son. Trying to get full custody means that stepmom & daycare will be raising her son, since he's rarely there, and she works. As long as the mom isn't abusive, trying to take a child away from a parent to be full time with a stepparent and daycare is just vindictive.
