Dealing with Unexpected Tragic Death

That is tough. I have been through a tragic death experience. It is different and shocking. It takes time...just be there for your husband, you don't have to say anything.

Back in 88 I sent a Christmas card to my best friend/college roomate and her new husband. We kept in touch with each other regularly by snail mail...at the time. I found it odd that I did not hear anything back and about 3 weeks after Christmas, I got a letter from an unknown source from TX. As I opened the letter, I saw a program which was much like a church program and then I saw a phrase "Lisa's favorite church song". I was in the car with my husband at the time and I put 2 and 2 together that she was gone. She died along with her husband and MIL in a plane crash down in the Lancaster area in November, just before Thanksgiving. The Father in Law was the one who wrote the letter to me and sent the details. He said he thought they went through everything and everyone was notified, however everyone was not notified. Here at Christmas time, he was receiving all the mail coming in for them from people who did not know. I was thrown WAY off base and to this day I think about it, especially in Nov.

My husband was such a gem. He knew how much my friendship meant. He turned the car around and we did not continue on our day out, instead he took me home let me grieve, held me and talked about all my memories.

It took a LONG time to get through this but I did. I continue to have thoughts wondering if they knew they were crashing, etc. Up until about 8 yrs ago, her parents would travel out here to her grave but I believe it got the best of them. They would meet me and ask to see my daughter and it would bring back so much grief. Her parents have never been the same (nor would I if I were in their shoes)

I apologize for the long story... What helped me the most was my husband being there for me to listen to whatever I wanted to say, hold me and let me know that he loved me and he cared.

Best wishes to you. TF

WOW! These things are always harder to deal with than losing an elderly relative. All I can think to do is be there for him, talk to him about when he is ready and not when he cant. Just remind him that you are there with him and stand by him. Maybe some short term counseling?

I'm sorry about the sudden tragic event. I think what you can do is just listen to your husband. Right now that is what is most important. This tragedy will take sometime to mend keep that in mind. Be very compassionate and understanding if your husband needs time for himself to think about things (but always be there supporting him). If you feel that you might need more help that just working things out yourselves, seek out a grief counselor. Grief counselors are wonderful. I experienced a tragic event in my life. I was in a terrible car accident with my brother. I survived, he didn't. I remember needed time to myself. Also, I went and sought a grief counselor. She helped me work my grief through. I know some churches offer FREE grief counseling. Look into it. It would do him and you good. Good luck on everything.

I'm so sorry to you guys are going through this. I am sure you will find a way to make him feel in company through this and maybe eventually he may want to get involved in something related to domestic violence, for example there are candlelight vigils in October for both victims and perpetrators who have died due to domestic violence and believe me it is really POWERFUL to see a man support the efforts so stories like this one don't happen again. Will pray for you both!