Im a mother of to young children. There father and I split up about 2 and 1/2 years ago. We share joint custody. Same amount of hours and days we have the kids. We are both remarried now. Ive tried to be the nice EX. with both of them. From the very begining of them DATING, she has over stepped her rights as the
Ex girlfriend (then). Examples- Chopping my daughter hair off with in 4 months of dating, Posting stuff on her facebook, about how she was the kids mother. Having my babies call her MOM and rubbing it in my face. This is before they were married mind you.... Im have spoken nicely to there father about how I didnt appriciate the things that she was doing. And asked him nicly if he could ask her to back off a little. Well Its been a couple of years now and nothings Changed....And me trying to be the better person has put up with it...i really cant out up with it anymore. Shes rude, and she says rude comments to me when we are all at a kids function. Its so hard not blowing up at her, but I dont cause of the kids.... Now my question is, " Is it right that he now doesnt want to put the kids in any function, because (of course I go to everyone) his ex feels uncomfortable around me, my family and some of his family cause they dont like her also????" It should be about the kids! And just cause I only speak to him and same with everyone else, she feels uncomfortable? How Im I suppose to talk to her when all she did from the very begining is screw with me. She dug her own grave! And I would 100% try to get along with her if she would respect me more and not be so dang mean! Shes made some rude comments to me and to his family.
No it is not right the functions are not for her or you or him they are for the kids and if she in uncomfortable she doesnt have to be there. He really needs to understand that.
With any luck she will find greener pastures and move on to her next victim. If you don't "lock horns" with her she and your ex will eventually turn on each other and split. I've seen it happen. Just my opinion . . .
I am so sorry for you - here's a virtual hug.
Well, that really stinks. So very sad when a grown woman cannot put the children's needs before her own.
Don't sink to her level. Always take the high road.
And, yes, you're right the kids shouldn't miss out on activities b/c SHE is too insecure to deal with seeing you there.
She sounds very, VERY insecure.
The best step-parents don't "demand" respect--they earn it. She obviously doesn't get that.
The time WILL come that your kids will see her for the controlling, shallow woman that she is.
Thanks for all the comments and advice! And to answer some of your questions, She is 20 will be turning 21 this year. :-/ She has no job, and my X works full time. She makes it a point to go to EVERY school function. Mostly by herself or with her mother. Well again if I had it my way, I would make it to were I didnt want her there, but my kids like her... I dont want to take that away from them, but its so hard for me to enjoy these things cause there to young to know when there step mother is taking digs at me sarcasticly and I have to bite my tounge so its not a bad scene for my kids. :-/ Aaah so fustrating!
Also, shes very insencure. My X own sisters cant be in the same room as him. ( His sisters are beautiful girls) She told me once on the phone in front of him! That i dont need to be talking to him, that I need to talk to her cause she runs there relationship and that he sits back and has no say so. HONEST TRUTH! My X didnt say anything!!!
I honestly believe she thinks shes my childrens mother. I think she has mental problems. Shes even got so far is having my kids call me by my name. The crazy thing about all this it, Im 100% in my childrens life we have 50/50 custody, they live with me, I take them to school and drop them off. I take them to the doctors. I get them anything they need. I pay for there private schooling, I pay for the actvities that they are in, and Im there to everyone except if I absolutely have to miss cause I work full time too. And thats while the kids are at school. They are my world. The step mother acts as if Im not there. Thats a little crazy to me...... I just pray that karma steps in for me. And I will continue to do what I am doing......
You can't control what happens on his watch with the kids. You do what you do when you are with the kids and he does what he does. Avoid her if you want to, but if you were going to go to the same place and she happened to be there, pay no mind to it, just don't let it affect your lifestyle. Don't let her bother you. Get over that annoyance and go above it. Shes gonna be in your kid's lives, she IS in your kid's lives, so just deal with it by accepting that you are who you are and she is who she is. That's it.
Any chance you can try and get more time w/ the kids? Parental Alienation on her part?
I was in a similar type of relationship with my SIL.
I suggest you just stop talking to her. Period. There's no way to make things work with someone who clearly grinds on your every nerve.
I'm confused about what you said about the "not wanting to put the kids in any function?"
Bottom line is that you ARE their mother. YOU are allowed to make decisions about their best interests and things when you have them in your custody. Beyond that - LET IT GO.
It's not so much about "being the bigger person", but instead recognizing that you two likely aren't going to get along and your ex isn't going to get in the middle of it.
Go to the kids' functions and just be NEUTRAL to her. Don't be rude. Don't be smug. Just say hi and then basically ignore her.
I know it sucks having to have someone like this in your life because there is nothing you can do about it. So learn to deal with her. You don't have to like her. You don't have to be her friend. She is just a person in your life. Don't give her any more power than that.
I think that you should continue on and do the stuff that you would do with your daughter if she wasn't involved. If you normally sign her up for soccer, then sign her up for soccer. If they don't want to attend the game - then they don't have to. She needs to grow up! How old is she? Sounds like she is very insecure. There is no need for your daughter to miss out on extra-cirricular activities because of his new wife. I think that you tell him that you are not going to punish your daughter because his new wife feels uncomfortable. And that he needs to start putting the needs of his first child before the comfortability of his new child (his new wife....hee hee)......
She sounds toxic. I think no matter how you treat her, she'll find a way to twist it around to be your problem. Avoid her as much as possible. Keep communication to "just the facts, Ma'am." Try to work out scheduling with your ex by email rather than by phone. The less you interact with her, the happier you will feel.
It sounds like you have been doing the right thing all along. Like you said this is "ALL" about the kids and nothing more so put up with her and be the bigger person like you have been for your kids sake only. What I can promise you is your kids can see what the truth his no matter who is telling them what, they will remember this later in life that you handled this so well and it was their stepmother who acted wrong. You are setting a good example for your kids. I was a kid of divorce and no matter how much my Mom bad mouthed my Dad and my Dad would never say one bad word about my Mom we all knew it was my mom's fault and her own issues, we never believed a word about my Dad. Now I am a step mom, I am making sure my step daughter is never put in a bad situation, my husband and I would never even think of putting her mom down or making it uncomfortable when all of us are together. I am very blessed where the mom and I get a long so good and have a awesome relationship, I respect her as the "mom" and she appreciates what I do for her daughter. In your shoes I would just encourage you to keep up with what you are doing, be the nice guy, nice guys do win in the long run, when your kids are adults they will thank you for it. Good for you, keep it up!!! I know it is hard.
