Dealing with Jealousy - Cedar Hill,TX

My husband and I are going on 20 yrs this Dec. We have a wide open line of communication where anything goes.

We go out a lot, and I am the one that gets the most attention. I love the attention, he knows it, he has no issue with it because he knows where I will be at bedtime.

Some mamas might get mad at me here but it makes him glad when I am getting the attention because I have worked so hard to keep my 47 yr old body looking like 35 or less. Again, I love the attention but it is also motivation for me to keep up the good work. I'm telling you...there is nothing like it when a hot 20 something hits on me. Hubby loves it when we get home after that happens :)

We go home after the evening is done and enjoy it.

My husband is not a troll and he does get plenty of attention. I know when it comes time for bed, we will both be in the same place.

I commend you on the full honesty policy. It has worked well for us.

Maybe I'm wrong but I think it is totally ridiculous and immature for either of you to go on and on about the attention you get from the opposite sex. What is the point??? I think he knows it bothers you by the way you pester him about the details and yet he continues to come home with these stories. Then you do the same to show him that you get attention from other men. I don't get it. I don't care what anyone says, it isn't healthy and you guys need to stop. I don't think you need to be more laid back. You have every right to be frustrated. The next time he starts telling you about one of these "conversations with a hot babe" tell him you're so glad he's home and walk away. It will be killing you inside because you will want to know every detail but if you really trust him, you don't need to know all the details. Walk away! And later, show him how glad you are that he came home to you!
This is hurting you so something needs to change or it will only get worse.

Take the advice from an older woman. Life is toooooo short to be jealous. If you say you're not insecure then don't be. That's what jealousy is. Trust me it will cause you nothing but heart ache. Do some soul searching find yourself & get rid of those thoughts. If he is as wonderful as he seems & you seem like a great person as well then be happy & when you get those thoughts in your head stop & remember something wonderful & exciting that you have sone together. It takes work & time but I know you can do it.
Hang in there.

Hello there,

I think it's great that you want to be honest with your spouse you should be, but some things don't need to be discussed. In my opinion, as I have been married 12 years now, we all have our insecurities. I have heard doctors speak where we as women create things in our minds for no reason. I can agree to that, I have had those moments as well. What I think is unhealthy is what you and your spouse are doing. Talking about other people and who looked at who or who said what to who. It can become a competition. If ya'll are giving all the details, that is where your insecurities are probably coming from. Who really cares if someone looked at you or your spouse, take it as if someone honked the horn, go on with your day. I'm not trying to be critical, but just giving my opinion. If you want to stop feeling insecure start talking to each other about things special between you and your spouse instead of waisting precious time of what other people say or do. I hope you and your spouse have a long prosperous life together.

H.

Wow. Sounds like you two have a very honest relationship. Maybe too honest? :-)
I think its wonderful that you are so open and honest with one another,however, it may not be such a good idea for the two of you to detail every time one of you talks to or is appreciated by the opposite sex. That's asking for trouble!- Because it makes it very difficult to avoid jealousy and insecurity. You trust him and that's that...you don't need to know who he talks to,or who looked at him, and what she looked like. I would go nuts if my husband told me every time he was approached by a flirtatious woman,attractive or not.
He is also very approachable and it doesn't help that he is in the restaurant business surrounded by doting and attractive 20 something waitresses and customers.
Men flirt with me often and I don't see the point in telling my husband. He knows he is very lucky to have me and I don't need to remind him. ;)
Anyway, my advice to you BOTH, is to cut back on the flirting stories. Being 10 yrs older than before when you were more laid back about it all, it's natural to feel threatened so its probably for the best if you don't put yourself in the position to feel jealous.
I think its wonderful that you two are so open and honest, but some things are better left unsaid. As long as you both trust each other, there is no reason to brag about who flirts with him or you. It shouldn't matter.
Good luck!

I don't agree that couples should tell each other everything as long as there is trust and respect for one another. Why does he feel the need to tell you about other women and why is he spending so much time talking to them? That makes me think he may not be completely trustworthy, but I could be way off base. I generally think when a woman feels like something may not be right with her significant other, then she is usually correct. Maybe you aren't the one with the problem. Good luck.

Ok. Here is my honest read of what you wrote. I don't know your story of course but here is what i gathered....

It almost seems as if he is throwing it in your face to remind you just how lucky you are to 'have me'. As in you better take care of me b/c other women do want me.
Maybe you were not jealous in the beginning, more laid back and after these replays of encounters throughout the day that you have to be told about.... Well at first i'm sure it was 'wow i am lucky he's mine' etc... But after hearing them on a daily bases ti would bring your guard up. So the really question to you and just for you is honestly... Do you feel threatend, betrayed, teased? Why this constant show and tell? The question to him.... Is he insecure and needs re-assurance from you? What is it honestly with him? Becareful with the big green monster....sometimes he brings out the truths as well as fears. Nip this in the butt now for the sake of your marriage. Counseling?????

Be happy that he tells you about it! It would be harder for me to find out that he's got women flocking to him, and he didn't tell me about it. It would make me think that he was trying to hide soemthing. However, if it's causing a problem, then maybe both of you need to work on not sharing all the details. It sounds like you trust each other completely, and I do believe that it's extremely important to be honest. Maybe you can both work on not having to share every single detail, and leave it at that.

GS,
Honesty is the best policy. However, it sounds like he is needing reassurance from you and/or throwing it in your face. There is no need for him or you to share details as that seems to be causing problems.
If he is only on the receiving end of the attention, for what does he have to be accountable?
I'm sorry but it sounds like you are both working hard to make each other jealous. If your marriage is as strong as you believe (I truly hope it is) then nix the stories.

This sounds pretty familiar. I think it's what makes us women and what makes them men. I think you are normal. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you because I find myself in the same boat at times.

Girl!!! I am the same way. I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't have any answers or cure alls for you because I'm trying to figure out how not to be so psycho too :) I know my husband loves me and he knows that I love him. We have been married 13 yrs. I get soooooooooo jealous and always have. I drive him nuts! It boils down to trust and respect. I really believe that bad feelings that brew up and doubts about what 'could' have happened or what was 'really' said and so on is really just an attack by the devil to make us doubt our husbands(our marriages or anything else he thinks that he can disrupt). Just ask God for guidance and pray. You know you can become less jealous but it is so hard to do by yourself, ask God to help you. That's what I do. So far my husband and I are still making it :)
You have been blessed by an awesome husband who loves you and is good looking to boot! Thank God everyday and pray that God gives him guidance too. If you both are honest and open with each other I really don't think that you have anything to worry about. Those other women that are approaching him (and men approaching you) aren't from God and no good will come of it. You two were put together by God, so it only makes sense that good will follow.
Good luck to you.

It sounds like he's using you as his accountability partner - as in, If I tell my wife about it, I can't get myself into trouble by not paying attention. If that's the case, he's only going to give you as much detail as he needs to keep himself on the straight and faithful - um, I mean narrow. Guys don't pay attention to nuances, and they rarely focus on the details in a verbal conversation. I wouldn't worry about it, since the fact that he tells you about it tells me that he has every intention not only of staying faithful to you, but of making sure that he does everything he can to safeguard your marriage against temptation.

S.

I agree with Steph, men communicate very differently than women and don't pay attention to all the verbal and non-verbal nuances that we do. It reminds me of the Friends episode after Ross and Rachel kissed for the very first time. Rachel was telling Monica and Phoebe about how Ross held her, had his fingers in her hair, how his lips felt, etc. Then it switches to the boys and Ross says, "I kissed Rachel." And then Joey says, "Tongue?" to which Ross responds, "Yep." Then all three guys nod and then talk about the game. LOL

He's likely not trying to keep anything from you, just doesn't pay attention to the details. Sounds like you two have a wonderful and open relationship. Appreciate what you have with him and be happy! The more you look for the negative, the more likely you are to find it... whether it's there or not.

Dear G S,good morning may I ask do you know the lord and have him in your life? I was at a older age when I let him into my life I knew him but didn't live for him.That will help you to let go of the jealousy.God bless and have a good week.
J. G