Mine are 4 & 7 and pretty good, but every day, I have to correct them on manners, hurry them along to eat, stop sucking fingers, don't tattle, stop fighting etc. We have a lot fun too but I wonder if I will be remembered as a nag. Is this normal??
LOL yes. Along with joy, admiration, pride, and love. And frustration, anger, impatience, annoyance, and disbelief. And other feelings as well. All normal in my book!
Yes. Because I am human, and nearly-6 and nearly-3 year old boys are designed to be irritating :)
But I try hard to tell them I love them and I am proud of them and I am interested in what they have to say more than I tell them that they need to stop XXX because they are giving Mommy a migraine!!
NORMAL. When they are older, and they don't need constant "nagging" for everyday simple things like getting in the car, playing, fighting, finding shoes, etc, they are not going to look back and remember you having to tell them things every minute of the day-often with your "OK I'm getting fed-up" tone. My 7 year old actually said to me, "Wow, mom, I'm glad you never had to tell me every single little thing like that" referring to her younger two sibs. I SO DID, she just doesn't remember :)
I only express irritation if they are irritating me. If I don't express irritation when they irritate me then how will they know to stop doing the things that irritate me? If you allow them to continue irritating behaviours with fear of being labelled a nag you won't be doing them any favours, you will be raising irritating children. Nobody likes irritating children because they become irritating adults.
You can try to phrase things in a positive way and try not to lose your cool. Gentle reminders as opposed to nagging. Also, try and correct only one thing at a time. Pick the most irritating thing and work on it until it is fixed, then move on to the next. But yeah, I think it is normal to express irritation on a daily basis.
There's a difference in nagging and instructing. If you feel like an eternal nag, try a different approach. Instead of "you need to say thank you/ please", try "How do we ask?" and "What do we say?" It will make your kids THINK, rather than react. If your kids are still sucking on their fingers at this age, that's a problem that you should be discussing with the pediatrician. Sometimes that's indicative of a sensory problem. A speech therapist can help with this (they do more than just work with speech...)
EVERY 4 and 7 year old needs help with all the other stuff you've mentioned. So yes, it's normal. However, you have a choice in how you deal with it. If you talk negatively to them, that's nagging. If you can figure out a positive way to approach all this, using 100% consistency, you'll be happier and they will learn. You aren't supposed to be your children's friend - you are supposed to be the parent. You can be firm, but positive. That would help you with your worries about nagging...
It is normal. You are teaching your children how to behave, and it is a constant thing. Keep it up mama! They will grow up before you know it, and they will be displaying all the good behaviors that you have taught them and you can smile, thinking of all the long hours you nagged them!!
Yep. Sadly part of being a "good mom" is constant reminding, correcting and redirecting, which, no matter how cheerfully and positively we do it, will often feel, and be seen as, nagging.
Still, if you're having fun along the way, THAT will be remembered far more than the 100th time of saying "stop touching your brother" LOL!
I prefer to call it instructing. If you don't coach them a little you'll end up with kids with bad manners or weird quirks. Fingernail biting, slouching, chewing with their mouth open, etc. These are the things that I think we have a right to mention often, or how will they learn? I try not to sound irritated when addressing it though. I try to teach them why they should knock it off. :)
Um, yes. They also express irritation with me. Some days it goes more one way than the other!
Ugh, I was just thinking this today - I hate hearing myself! My son is 3.5 and I'm constantly having to redirect and correct him. I really do try to pick my battles, but sometimes it just feels never ending.
I am trying to be aware of how he must see / hear me and it's humbling. I really don't want to be remembered, as you said, as a nag or overly critical. I don't want him anxious and feeling like he can't do anything right.
As it stands, we have a good relationship and always end our days well, so i feel there is balance, but still...
I'm always looking to improve and start fresh each day, but the other thing that occurred to me is that our kids are in "training". We are training them for real life, real situations, real expectations. Our world has a lot of rules to live by. I'm aware of this and yet I don't feel like I'm oppressed of nagged by it. Here's why: Things like manners and responses to certain rules, attention to signs and directions will eventually become second nature and no big deal, but only if there has been plenty of reinforcement.
Every.single.day. :)
Sure - it's that whole parenting thing. It's so easy the first few months when we think it's so hard beause we are sleep deprived...then the kids start movnig and talking and it really gets fun!
I have so much fun with my kids every single day, I'm sure I also express irritation with them. It's human nature.
Hmmm.... some think it is nagging.
The thing is: IF someone, was doing that to you for the same things and for the same reasons....would you, like it or think it was nagging?
And: if someone were correcting you, everyday for everything from the moment you woke up every morning.... would you like it? Would it even be warranted?
With kids the things you say they do, they do do.
They are kids. It is normal.
But they are kids.
And I know even some adults, that eat SO slowly and get ready SO slowly. Too. It is not only kids.
But for some reason, kids are expected to be expedient and efficient with everything and have to read our minds, too. Even if adults do not have to.
... adults do, what we expect kids not to, do. Like eating slow, hurrying up with things, gossiping/talking about others (which is the same as "tattling" in some respects), fighting etc.
Sure, all parents do "nag."
But then again, kids are kids too.
And if they are not naughty, they are just kids.
And no kid, is perfect.
But, things like getting them to hurry along to eat and not "tattling" etc., to me, is not things to nag about.
Ah, J. you are a woman after my own aching heart. I feel the exact same way with my 3.5 year old and have posted about it maybe too much so.
Part of parenting is correcting and also giving positive reinforcement. If DD says "gimme" I say "gimme isn't a word, how do we ask nicely." And if I hear her asking nicely especially to someone else, I say "good job saying, please. That's great!"
So yeah, we have to correct and redirect but when they follow thru the praise will go a long way for them and us.
Oh my gosh, are you my alter ego? Seriously, my boys are 4 and 7, and I was feeling this way myself today. My 7 year old's birthday party is tomorrow, and I always stress over the last minute details. That seems to be how I handle things, but it does make me a bit more edgy as a mom.
I really enjoyed reading the previous responses, because it made me feel fairly normal and gave me some ideas.
On my good days, I make an effort to catch them being good as much as possible and be very calm and patient with my reminders. Still, there are days when it really does feel like work and I start to wonder what I'm doing wrong that I have trouble really enjoying being a mom. I think we all feel that way some days.
Just an FYI, my 4 year old seems to have some behavior concerns (I was kind of thinking ADHD, but we have to wait and see what the behavioral psychologist says). Anyway, one of the (many, many) questions on the questionare was, "Does your child chew on things other than food and not because he/she is hungry." My son bites his nails, so I said "often." I didn't think anything of it, other than some consider biting nails as a bad habit, but I guess it means something.
No, I don't think I do. I instruct or correct his behavior, but no I don't think I feel irritation every day. I REALLY try not to nag super frequently. There is a switch a human can turn off, and stop hearing the nagging.
