My daughter and her BFF are in the same honor classes in school. For the most part they get all As. If my DD gets an A and her BFF a B, she will get all excited saying “that is awesome!” and that’s that.
If my DD gets a B and her BFF an A, the BFF will say stuff like “In your Face” “I get more A’s then you!” or I’m so much better with these problems than you”. Yesterday my daughter came home with a B on her test looking sad. When I asked what was wrong she said her friend got an A and said to her really loud “In your face!” SERIOUSLY NOW!
She then told me she is really getting irritated/hurt with this and what can she say to her.
I know what I would say as a protective Mom (HA!) but my DD would get in trouble LOL!!!
How should my DD handle this? I’ve told her to just be honest with her but when she is her BFF will say “Get over it” or “whatever”.
My daughter is BFF with this girl and 2 others. They have always been a great circle of 4 friends. The other 2 are not in the same classes with them. Excluding her from the group would not work and my DD loves her other 2 friends dearly.
By the way, her other friends witness all this and do stick up for my DD.
"It's not a contest"
"Check yourself - you're being rude"
"Well, aren't you special"
"Wow, good job"
"Good for you"
"Didn't know we were keeping track"
.
Tell your daughter to be honest with her friend. Tell her that it hurts her feelings. If the friend continues, she's not a true friend. Sounds like she's very competitive (maybe this comes to her from her parents) and that she has to show how good she is. Tell your daughter to take the higher road here. Or tell her to say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I think that you need to teach your daughter that you don't let other peoples actions/behavior dictate her behavior. She needs to be the better person. I would try to get through to her that it really doesn't matter what her friend thinks, (I know that is hard at this age) and maybe next time her friends says that she can just reply "whatever", cause her friends opinion really doesn't matter. She is doing the best that she can and that is really all that can be asked of her. I would also try to explain to her that her friends actions are really a "symptom" for lack of a better word of having a low self esteem. (Not that having a low self esteem is an excuse for her behavior, but it might help your daughter to cope with it better)
The girlfriend is being a poor winner. She takes the competition too seriously. Obviously she needs to grow up and it might be ok if your daughter tells her to, or says "F for good sportsmanship" every time she pulls the 'in your face' card. She can also go on to say "This is not how friends treat each other." The 'whatever/get over it' is just her way of weakly defending her bad manners and being obstinate.
Your daughter can try just not sharing grading information with this girl as much as possible. "I got an A! What did you get?" can be met with "Good for you! I'm happy with my grade and that's all you need to know".
Oh how I despise that expression...
Next time your DD gets the A have her say 'In your face' so the other girl will see how it feels... Just this once ;)
have your daughter say the same thing back to her when it happens again and the tables are turned, not exactly the most mature way but sounds like they are in hs? and in middle and high school, it's all a contest from grades to the way they dress, act, eat, and look
Lol!........yeah i would just tell my daughter to shrug it off. Id tell her how immature it is and explain the idea of "sore winners" to her. Which are worse than sore losers i think. You didnt mention her age, but i think even for kinder this would be tacky.
