My almost ten year old daughter has a problem playing with a group of children. The other day we went to a friends house. All the moms sat at a picnic table while the kids swam and ran around. My daughter was at my side. She knows all the girls, has played with them (one on one) many of times. The girls tried several times to get her to play, but she wouldn't budge. I was really enjoying sitting and talking, but ended up leaving early. My older daughter was shy, but she outgrew it way before 10 years old.
I would continue to have playdates like the one you just had with everyone and one on one until she feels more comfortable. Pushing her into it won't help, but hopefully more social interactions will ease her shyness and make her feel more comfortable around the other girls.
Hi D.,
I think O. of the hardest parts of being a parent is watching our kids behave in a way that we, for O. reason or the other, think is different than what we have pictured in our mind for them. All kids are different. My son tends to be on the shy side, too. He's only 5, but his first impulse in a many-kid situation is "nah....". :) All kids are different. Sometimes what we perceive as shy can just be an intelligent observation period. I would leave her alone. Make sure she has opportunities to meet different kids (sports, activities, clubs, etc.) but don't push her. In a situation as you described, maybe bring something for her to do quietly (a book, craft project, etc.) by herself in the event that she doesn't want to join in. Maybe tell her when you leave the house that we are going to ABC for XYZ amount of time and in case she doesn't want to play with the other kids, she should pick something to do to pack up and take with her. Just an idea.
My oldest was the same way. She is now 12 and is much better. When she was about 5 the doctor actually though she had social anxiety. What helped with her was sending her in to do a couple of errands. I would wait outside in the car and she would pick up the pizza, cup of coffee etc. She now asks me if she can pretty please be the one to run in the store. She is still very quiet and only has a couple of friends but seems to be very content with that. I think in time she will come out of her shell :-)
P.S. She also started to volunteer at an assisted living and realized that she loves the elderly. Your daughter could even volunteer to just walk their dogs if she is not ready to talk to people. Hope i helped....
I wouldnt make a big deal about it in front of her. At this age she may feel out of place, weird or different than the other girls. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Maybe you could have a mother daughter date at home just you and her. (Have your husband take your other daugther out on a date). You could paint your toe nails or something and just talk toghter about anything she wants to. Don't dominate converstaion but just listen and let her guide what you talk about. She may not open up about her feelings but it will help her feel that if she wants to talk she can.
