Daughter Prefers My Parents

I would try to setup some time with the inlaws to have time to send with your daughter without the rest of your family. Take them out to do something fun, zoo or something, where there is no pressure on your daughter but she gets to know her other grandparents in a fun way.

I guess I don't have any suggestions, but my daughter is the same way. She won't go near my mother-in-law without screaming (she is 12months old), in fact she is like that with anyone in my husbands family. My sis-in-law comes over more often and plays with her and over time my daughter has become comfortable with her. the odd thing is she'll go to anyone in my family (my mom, dad, bro, sis, aunts, uncles) without a second thought. My in-laws always critsize for babying her and not ever putting her down or letting her go to anyone but she is the one who won't go down. I would say only time spent together will help the relationship between your daughter and MIL, but like I told my mother-in-law; if she comes over and plays with her there would be less of a problem.(her feelings do get hurt and she blames me a lot).
So, you are not alone! Good luck!
J.

Hi A.,
This is tough...but a good topic. I'll be reading these too so I can also catch some ideas. My daughter is the same with my parents, and I sometimes pressure her into giving hugs MIL grandma, until she told me one day that she didn't want to go for a visit to MIL grandma. I asked her why, and she told me that she was afraid of her, so I stopped pushing. I know that MIL is completely harmless and loving, but I suppose she could be intimidating just because of my daughters comfort level with her, she's like a stranger to her compaired to my mom. Don't know if this helps much, other than it the fact that you know you're not the only one who struggles with this. Have a good day. :)

A.,

Everyone gave really good advice, just wanted to add that you and MIL could find ways to make her a more familiar face even though she can not be around alot. Maybe a photo album that your daughter can look at when ever she'd like, include pictures of her and MIL, other grandparents, siblings, maybe even pics of her and husband when he was child so she can see where MIL fits into her life. The when ever MIL happens to be on the phone, give your daughter the option to talk to her, kids love talking on the phone/ getting phone calls; it might help their relationship when MIL can be in town. But you are right not to push her, as parents we can be contridicting. We tell our kids to stay away from strangers and to protect their body from things that make them uncomfortable, but then when family from out of town are around we almost force our child into these uncomfortable situations where they need to hug strangers.

I have the same issue only maybe worse. My daughter is 18 months old and my inlaws live out of town but only about an hour and 15 minutes away. They don't come around at all so once in a while my husband takes them over to their house and I cry all day while I'm at work because their house is filthy and on the verge of not living conditions. I want to tell him so much not to go there anymore but it's his parents and their grandchild.

ANYWAY - sorry to digress. My daughter is AFRAID of both of my inlaws. She will let my MIL hold her once in a while for a short time but my FIL she screams at. I'm afraid she's going to be extremely rude to them when she gets older. My parents live the same distance away but they are here at least once a week to help me by babysitting. My thinking is they can come out here once in a while where it's clean.

Let me know how you get through it.

My kids are the same way. They love my parents and even though my husband's parents alive closer,the kids rare;y see them. My husband's mother gets upset about this occasionally. We went to leave the kids with her about a month ago when we both had to work, my youngest heard she was going to Grandma's. When we got there, Vivi got very upset because she doesn't think of my mil as grandma so she wanted to leave to go to "grandma's" house. That was hard on my mil and me, Vivi hasn't cried when I left her with a sitter in a long time.
So I understand, my daughter is 3 also. I try to show them pictures of their family members that we don't see often. I also call them alot even if your kids are little it's nice to hear a familiar voice when they see in person.
You really have nothing to feel guilty for though. You have a baby and a toddler. It has to be hard for you to go see his family and there has to be reasons that the mil can't come often either. Just be happy that you have your mother and as your kids get older there will be more time to get to see both grandma's. Maybe next time, your mil could come by herself with out your mother there. Then she'd have no competion and your daughter could get to know her as well.

Hi A.

I have a 3 yr. old daughter as well who preferred my mom over my husband's mom. My mom visited more so she was more comfortable w/ her. My mom only has 2 grandchildren (my daughter and my son) so she can pay more attention to them, where my MIL has several grandchildren and has a hard time paying equal attention to them all b/c they're all at her house at the same time usually. My MIL has never complained to my husband or me about it tho.

My daughter had an especially hard time w/ my father in law. She was scared to death of him for some reason....think it was b/c he has a very loud voice?? She's now his best friend and loves playing w/ him. We did nothing different. He didn't push it and neither did we and soon my daughter wasn't afraid of him anymore.

Hopefully all goes well for you. Who knows, the next child will probably prefer your MIL;)

T.

My only suggestion is that when you notice she is being rude to your MIL, put a stop to it right away. If you don't, she'll think it's ok to be rude to people if she doesn't like them best, and my guess is that you really don't want that.

maybe your 3 year old has a good sense of character....somewhat kidding there...

I think your least worry should be what granny thinks or feels, your main priority is your child being comfortable. even at 3 years they know who they are comfortable with and who they prefer to be around. it really isn't an issue that should be forced, as then it could backfire.

granny is a grown woman, she should be able to handle and know already what it can be like, remember what it was like when she was a parent and had a 3 year old with its own mind already....