Daughter No Longer Wants to Go to Daycare

My sister and I were stay at home kids. My mom and dad worked shifts so that one could always be home with us. They divorced when I was 10 and my sister and I had to go to a daycare a few times. I HATED it. It was awful going somewhere else everyday. Home is home. My mom and dad had to work it out despite the divorce to still keep us at home during the day. Daycare seems like the place I would least want to be if I was a child again.

I also would be concerned that something is going on. Our daughter (then age 3) suddenly starting having difficult drop offs, resisting going to preschool, etc. when she had previously done well. It turned out that a new teacher was being very inappropriate with the children - yelling at them, making them sit in corners for very long periods of time what was simply normal age typical 3 year old behavior, and so forth. We were astonished that this was happening at a large, well run, expensive preschool.

We pulled our daughter out immediately as soon as we realized what was happening, and actually had the state investigate. The teacher was cited for using discipline which involved shaming and frightening the children, which was an infraction of the state board there, and the institution was cited for using age inappropriate discipline techniques.

It took our daughter many months in a new, supportive childcare setting before she stopped having nightmares.

Time for a new daycare????

If she is saying she's bored, she's probably ready for something more stimulating. Have you considered moving her to a real preschool where it will be geared more toward her own age and she will be challenged to learn new things?

Hi J.,

My daughter who is 5 has started some separation anxiety when I take her to preschool. I have a home daycare so part of it for her may be that she's having fun at home and doesn't want to miss out on anything going on at home to go to preschool. She always has a great time there and it's just been the transition of drop off that's been an issue.

I am told by the teachers that this is a common thing at this age. Kids learn that they are separate from us and that bad things can happen to us and to them independently. So thoughts about this causes the anxiety.

Does your daughter have a good time at daycare after the initial drop off problem?

Also, you may check into another environment for her that will provide a little more age appropriate activities and involve more kids her own age. In my experience a daycare environment usually has a range of ages but 4 1/2 tends to be on the older side. Even though your daughter may have friends there, if they are not her age she may not be challenged in the way she wants or needs to be.

So there are some thoughts... the suddenness of the situation would make me think that something happened to trigger her reluctance to go, but it may be some other change that you haven't considered that's playing into it too. Check in with her daycare provider and see if she's been talking about anything new... kindergarten, a move, death, all of these things could cause the anxiety.

Good luck!

J.,
I run a daycare out of my home. some children no longer need naps. But if it is the nap. why can't she do somthing else durning nap time. Like puzzle or coloring or watch movie or play a game on teh computer while everyone else is sleeping. Your current daycare provider needs to have activties cause kids get bord. Doe she offer a preschool program there? She needs to stay active and switch things up a bit. We play lots of games here. if she didnt want to sleep she doesn't have to I have lots of things to do here. Maybe you should swtich providers is seh starting kindergarten in the fall?

Hi, we go through this exact thing periodically with my daughter who just turned 4. She goes to school so she's not in a daycare setting but none the less she has days that she just doesn't want to go. I've found that she is just fine once she gets there. I've visited the school and spoken with the teachers. I'm told that this is very common at her age. They want to be independent but they don't really know how to handle the "responsibility" of being 4 (I know that sounds funny). They are now in a noticeable social situation with 3, 4 and 5 years olds and they may feel pressure or anxiety. One interesting thing about naps, my friend who is a child social worker said that many children are very disoriented once they stop napping. They are overtired even though they don't show many signs. There are so many things going on. I would visit the school and make sure you're comfortable with how things are going. We talk about not seeing her friends, what she would do all day at home, I explain she would not be able to watch tv or do art projects at home but that she would have "work" to do like I do. Since you work outside the home I would ask her how she would feel all alone at home (not to extremes - you know what I mean), and also try telling her that you have to go to work everyday even on days you don't feel like it. This issue comes and goes. We have many weeks of school is just fine and then out of the blue she doesn't want to go. contact me if you want to chat more. She'll be fine. Hang tough Mom! ;-)