Daughter Is Peeing Her Pants After Being Potty Trained for 8 Years.

I believe it is called regression, maybe just take it slow with her ask her frequently if she need to go hopefully that will help. My daughter is only three but has been potty trained for over a year and through my divorce she started to do the same thing. She is probably just stressed out and feels like it is her fault, even though you know it isn't. My 3 year old told my father the other day that it is her fault that her daddy doesnt want to see her anymore. So talk to her see how she really feels, then approach it that way. I hope this helps you.

L.

My daughter pees her pants for a couple of weeks after she gets home from seeing her dad. She's 7, but this has been going on for a few years. It's so consistent, that it has to be related to seeing her dad. She also had a hard time when we moved up to San Francisco from San Diego.
I don't think it's about being lazy. I think it's about being on emotional overload.
I wish your family the best.

I second the other advice you were given & big hugs!! Life changes are really stressful on adults - just imagine if you had no control over the situation!

Definately have her checked out by a Pedi & maybe a family therapist. My daughter went thru the same thing at 6 when she didn't like going to school. Turns out her teacher was mentally abusing her & forcing her to go into the Kindergarten room (without my permission) when she didn't do something that the teacher told her to do.

You may need some major mommy/daughter time, it took my daughter a long time before she would fess up about what was going on.

My 8 year old went through that.
Try limiting her liquids after 6pm. If that's not the problem then it could be stress-related. Maybe not you because you're too close to the issue, but if she has a babysitter she's close to or a friend's mom suggest they try talking to her to find out if anything's bothering her. If she has a friend over to play, eavesdrop-you'll be amazed what kids say to other kids.
Good Luck!
K.

It isn't uncommon for kids to regress when they go through a major change in life (like a parents divorce). You didn't say which daughter this is, is she the oldest, middle or youngest? She may be doing it to get extra attention from you (or her dad) or she may be hoping that if you and her dad have a "baby" to take care of that you will stay together (even if she can't say so in words).
When my middle child was born, my oldest son was almost potty trained and we reverted back to diapers for several months before we could finally finish potty training (once he realized that he wasn't being replaced and didn't have to act like a baby again for us to love him). I know your daughter is older, but it could be the same kind of reaction.
I doubt she is just "being lazy", as having wet pants is uncomfortable and can be really embarrasing if it happnens around her friends. I would certainly take her to see the Doctor just to rule out any medical causes, and perhaps the Dr. could refer you to someone she could talk to about everything she's going through (the divorce, you dating someone new, etc.)
As for sleepovers and such, they have overnight diaper type things (GoodNights) that look like real underwear that she could use until the problem is fixed so the other kids don't tease her.
Good luck!

Hi Jen,

I would recommend two things. First bring her to her pediatrician to make sure she doesn't have a urinary track infection or bladder infection. She will probably have to pee in a cup. Usually blood work is not needed. If that all pans out to be all clear, then I would consider counseling.

It may be a phase but at her age a very embarrissing phase. Children can be quite cruel! As for sleep overs and other things, you may want to put them on hold until this is resolved. As for seeing her father, it could be an issue, but unless its a very bad enviroment or dangerous enviroment, then you cannot keep his child away from him.

The last thing that comes to ming and (GOD FORBID) but do you think she has been molested? Thta also is a possibility, though it would be the last one I would look into unless you have suspissions.

After being potty trained for this long, its either medical or personal. I wish you luck. If you do feel that it is medically motivated then don't except "lack of attention" as your answer. There is an expert in every field. I don't know which one to referr to but I would insist on somebody that deals w/ bladder issues. Your doctor is a specialist in pediatrics, not bladder problems.

Good luck!
H. B.

Maybe you should take her to the doctor, she may just have a bladder infection.

I have a few ideas: I'm sure it's just a simple case of emotions with the divorce going on. I wet the bed till the day my little sister was born - I had 3 brothers and felt VERY left out until my sis came along when I was 8.
There are medical reasons for this to happen, if counceling doesn't seem to help you may want to concider that is might be juvinile diabetes. It could be incontinance due to high blood sugar...this is how we found out my sister had it. If you know anyone with a meter, have her blood checked or make a doc appt.
The other thing that has been experienced in my family is well there is no real gentle way to bring it up, but is it possible that she is being sexually abused? My cousin started having accidents at 9, and it turned out she was being abused. I pray that this is not the case for her, but you might want to keep your eyes open, just in case.

Hi J.. Wow. A divorce is a very hard thing for a child. She has to see her parents fighting, saying mean things, the tramua of friends knowing, all of it! It only sems right that she would do something weird during such a hard time. If you talk to a child therapist, she might say that your daughter is trying to find any reason for attention right now. I'm not trying to be offensive...please don't think I am. I just think that going through something like this may not be too healthy for your little girl. she is probably afriead, lonely, heartbroken, depressed, blaming herself for the divorce....the list is endless. The only thing you can do is try to sheild her from your fights (if there is any, and just be patient...that's all you can do. Good luck with this. My prayers are with you and yours during this hard time...

It may sound strange but it is very likely a control thing.. Not because she cant control her bladder but she cant control whats going on in her life.. I have seen many children start having potty issues after going through major life changes.. you might try givin her more choices.. more control over things in her daily life.. I would also suggest natural consiquences/ cuase and effect.. Let her change herself and clean up the mess when she has and accindent.

This can really be a sign of experienceing trauma. From your divorce to perhaps something more. She is obviously not feeling secure. Be sure not to make her feel worse about it. and seek out some help for her right away. Talk to her pediatrician and get her some therapy to help her cope with the life changes and get to the route of the issue. Good luck.

J....

I had the same problem with my oldest daughter when I married. She was 7 at the time and a very happy kid. Then all of a sudden...she started wetting the bed. She even wet her pants at school once.

I sat down and had a good talk with her and found out that the situation of the marriage and me expecting a baby was just too much for her at the time. Being so young, she just didn't know how to express herself.

I ended up spending even more time with her (one on one), and making sure the 3 of us (she, my husband, and I) sat down once a week and talked to one another about how we were doing with eachother. Or we watched movies together (her choice).
I also made sure that when family and friends would visit, that hey made sure to reference my oldest daughter "before" they began talking about the arrival of the baby. Therefore she didn't feel as though the baby was taking her place.

For us...these little things helped. By the time the baby came, my daughter was no longer wetting the bed, and was very involved in the day to day caring of her little sister.

Perhaps your 10 year old doesn't quite know how to express herself either. Perhaps the divorce, the boyfriend, and the changing of her world is just too much for her to handle right now. She may just need a little more emotional security from you ensuring her that you won't leave her and that your boyfriend won't take her place in your heart.

I would suggest a "Mommy & Me" date with her...filled with things she loves to do. It can even be at home doing nails, eating Mc Donalds and watching a movie. Just as long as it's only the two of you. Then invite her into a comforting loving conversation about what ever it is that's bothering her.

Hope this helps a little.

S. V.
www.dreamplanters.com
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The fact that she is going through this divorce with you should signal an emotional need for her. I was divorced with 2 kids also. After taking family therapy and parenting classes, i learned that peeing in the pants or bed, etc..is a signal (non verbal communication) that she needs help. She is most likely having difficulty processing the split and the new man in your life at the same time. When kids feel out of control, the start to control the only things left in their lives that they CAN control...body functions! This is her cry for help, and to let you know she is having trouble contolling the situation. I suggest family counseling, and LOTS of love to tell her no matter what, her dad is always going to love her and be there. Reinforce the fact that you see there is something going on, and are there to talk to her when she is ready to discuss it. Let her know its OK to be upset and respect her feelings. Maybe back off on the new boyfriend's coming over to your house, and meet him outside until she is ready to accept the replacement. In her eyes, it's probably just too soon to bring another man into the house, so she's letting you know after visiting dad, that she's even MORE upset that he's not returning home with her. Remember, kids always in their minds wish for the parents to reunite and will keep trying to control that issue. It takes a lot of patience and time, before young kids are ready to move forward with new relationships...I know. I was divorced and my kids were very young. It took them almost 5 years to accept my new boyfriend (after 5 years of being single) and now we are married and the kids love him. So there is hope! Just dont push your kids too fast, especially if it's YOU that doesn't want to be alone. She will come around one day and decide on her own to stop wetting her pants. Best of luck!

Hi. I have dealt with the same problem with my now 9 year old son. I am a single mother, and he goes with his dad every other weekend. He seemed to start to do this while his father and new wife were having a lot of fights in front of the kids. He started wetting his pants in the middle of the day. I struggled for a long time and couldn't figure it out. I even would punish him and yell at him because I thought he was just being lazy. Finally I took him to the doctor and found out it was due to stress. The doctor questioned him about and asked what made him nervous or scared.Eventually he figured out that the domestic problems at his dad's house was the cause of this problem. My son says that he can't control it sometimes and it just happens. My son is currently seeing a child therapist and we are still working on this problem. His father has split up with his wife. I have learned that this can be such a long process to correct. I would suggest talking to a pediatrician. It is probably due to stress from the divorce or does daddy have a new girlfriend? I hope this info helped!

wow, i was on google, because i was worried about my daughter who has been potty trained for almost a year and all of a sudden has been peeing her pants.. my fiance who i have been with for 5 years just recently broke it off and that's when it all started, but i didn't think it was related until i found this post and read some of the reposes that people had wrote, about regression and stress... i feel horrible now! How can I help her?

J.,

She is under a lot of stress if you are getting a divorce. This is her way of getting your attention. Good or Bad. Make sure that you are taking time out for just her. She needs to know that both of you love her and that this divorce is not her fault. Do not acknowledge her peeing her pants. If she does it in the middle of a mall she gets to walk around that way and you act as if it is not big deal to you. Once she realizes she is not going to get your attention that way she will stop.

It's like a two year old throwing a tantrum. You don't give in to the negative ways. She only gets your full attention when she wants to act like a big girl.

Hope this helps and good luck

L. C
Personal Nutritionist
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