My daughter is 3 1/2. Every few months or so she shows interest in potty training. We put the diapers away and she wears undies all day. I offer lots of fluids. Just yesterday we did this and she held her pee for 12 hours. She sat on the potty hundreds of times throughout the day, but only let out drops and dribbles. BTW, this has happened EVERY SINGLE TIME we have tried potty training. She will not sit long enough to release. She jumps up as soon as it starts coming out. She admits that she is afraid to do "the big pee-pee." She would rather be uncomfortable all day long. Well, last night we were getting her ready for bed and she kept jumping up every 5 minutes from leaking small amounts of urine. I palpated her lower abdomen and she screamed; clearly her bladder was overstretched. We were hoping she would fall asleep and wet the bed and we could start all over the next day, but of course she was too uncomfortable to fall asleep. For those who think I was trying to force her to go to bed knowing she would wet the bed, please know that she did not want a diaper. I was trying to follow her lead.
When I realized how full and stretched she was, and how long it had been since she last emptied her bladdar, I began to worry about infection so I put a diaper on her for the night. I explained that many kids who use a potty during the day still use a diaper at night, but she still felt sort of bad about it. We did not shame her, we reassured her that she did great job during the day. She wants to be able to do it, I just can't understand why she can't. I've tried to explain this whole thing to her doctor, my family, friends. They all seem tell me the same thing: "Just get rid of the diapers!" (tried that). "Wait for her to tell you when she's ready!" (we do that too). "She'll have to empty her bladdar eventually!" (except, she doesn't, unless she has the diaper).
Can you see why we're all frustrated? Have you ever seen this before? I don't mind having her in dipes for another year if she's not ready, but I'm starting to wonder if there is anything else I could be doing to support her. We already try reading books on the potty, singing songs, reminding her to stay seated, offering praise for every dribble, not offering praise for every dribble, even have resorted to ridiculous offers of cupcakes and parties if she will sit longer, etc. etc. etc. She clearly wants this to happen as much as we do but for some reason, it's not happening.
THank you, thank you. Just want to add that the reason I got rid of diapers, then brought them back in the house again, is precisely because of this issue of holding her pee for extended periods of time, and the concern for infection. I can't really get rid of them altogether if she is unable to empty her bladder without them. I have also tried running the water, asking her to listen for the tinkle, bringing her into the bathroom with me, she has watched me go hundreds of times. I feel as though we have tried everything. I feel bad for her because she wants it yet she is having such a hard time. Thanks, everyone.
My mom gave me this one--tell her, "Listen for the tinkle!" My daughter's face brightened up, and she wanted to hear it for herself. Hope it works. :)
Try having her pee in the tub.
I know it sounds gross, but it's an intermediate step that will let her squat and get her used to breaking potty training.
<grin> Because here's the thing: she's already trained. Pretty solidly, I'd say. Just not to use the toilet (no one's fault, here).
TRY this. Go stand in your kitchen, fully clothed, STAND and pee. Can you do it? Most people can't. It's because the potty training is so solidly ingrained (torturers and interregators force people to break toilet training as part of certain protocols, btw because it is SO hard to do), that it's almost impossible.
NOW, if you couldn't pee through your clothes onto the kitchen floor, Go sit on the toilet FULLY DRESSED and break your own training. Pee THROUGH your clothes. It's almost painful, to actually painful, even sitting in a familiar position. You'll probably be able to do it, but your body will do the same thing hers is doing; starts and stops.
Using the bathtub is the "intermediate" step to 'breaking potty training', just like using the toilet fully dressed is. It makes the environment familiar enough via POSITION and having it not be somewhere "scary" (like your kitchen, in public/full view of others, that you'll have to clean in addition to your clothes).
Standard potty training is all about teaching the brain to recognize the signals (switching from autonomic to somatic nervous systems). Your daughter has that in SPADES already. Her switch is so complete/strong that it's almost impossible for her to switch "places". It happens sometimes, but it's pretty rare. And the switch probably happened FAST. I'd say probably in the course of a week or two back right before you tried to get her on the toilet. Or possibly she was one of the rare infants who was 'trained' by 12mo. Regardless of whether it happened years ago, or super fast but before the potty was introduced, she's SOLID at this point, so it will take some work getting her trained in a different way. (Imagine how long it would take you to learn to pee on your kitchen floor, standing, through your clothes, and triple that time frame).
My rec would be bathtub, then after a few days to a few weeks, have her stand on the toilet seat and squat (like in the tub), and then have her work her way to sitting on the seat with her feet up, and then sitting with feet dangling.
In HER case it's all about tricking her response in the OTHER direction (in the same kind/calm manner you've been using) than most kids.
You can NOT make her get through this mental struggle. You can however discipline her soundly for getting up. In my house kids do NOT jump up from the table or in this case the potty or off of a time out seat until told. Let's start there. She is having a mental struggle and I wish I knew how to help her. But you don't beg and plead with a 3 year old to sit longer. You MAKE her.
She absolutely will get an infection and this mental struggle will get worse. I have a hard time getting it all out. For me it's a matter of my insides being jumbled after having kids. But let me tell you that if I wait too long or can't get it out, then it's nearly impossible to. As I think about it, I do think you need to take her to a urologist just to make sure that she is okay physically. You really have no way of knowing if she's been leaking just a little all day long for a long time. Diapers don't feel very wet until they are very wet these days.
Try running water while she's sitting to encourage her to fully pee. A nurse suggested this after the birth of my firstborn when i was so sore and afraid to go, and it worked like a charm. I've always done this when one of the little ones has difficulty going. Also give her cranberry juice to ward off bladder infections.
Since she's said she's "afraid to do the big pee-pee" have you asked her why she's afraid so you can address it? As far as her not wanting to wear diapers put her in cloth trainers, not underwear, save those for when she's going regularly on the potty or toilet, and you can put plastic pants over them for bedtime.
Believe it or not, she just isn't ready yet, sorry, she doesn't want it as much as you do or it would be happening. She's resisting to the point of being in pain, let it go or you'll be taking her to a therapist. Just keep the potty out for her to see and use if and when she wants. Stop offering rewards like cupcakes and parties, focus on preschool and playdates with kids who are trained, peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. And if you really get rid of the diapers don't bring them back in the house, it sends confusing messages to her, once they're gone they need to stay gone. It will happen when she's ready.
Have her in the bathroom with you when YOU go, let her hear your tinkle hitting the water, show her how you can turn it on and off, sort of make it a game.
check her for a bladder infections and give her cranberry juice.
I assume you tried a small cute potty chair?
R. I feel as though I wrote this question! We are in the same position with potty training! Unfortunatley I don't have any suggestions/answers for you, but I'll be eager to read what everyone else posts! Just wanted you to know you're not the only one out there with a child who holds it ALL day! To top things off, in my situation, I have twins who are doing this right now. Ugh... someone just pee already!! ;) Hang in there, it'll happen for us (and them!). Best wishes
Have you tried giving her a bowl of warm water to put her hands into? I used to use that with my kids when potty training. Or even pouring just a little warm water over her, which is what I had to do to myself when I had nerve damage from a back injury many years ago.
My now 11 year old has been fully potty trained since age 3, and then and now she can simply hold it for up to 12 hours without any discomfort. We knew she was ready for underwear when her diaper was dry all night and she would not even go potty for another few hours after we dressed her in underwear for the day. However, if you keep your pee in so long that the bladder becomes overfull, you can sort of actually pinch the opening shut, making it harder to go.
My kids had no pee issues, but held their poop - not fun either. They ended up (both girls at different times) on Miralax for a few months (low dose) to make their poop soft and to have no more memory of those painful hard bowel movements.
If her pee was held so long and it actually hurt to squeeze a little out, then I would put her back in diapers (or pull-ups, call them big girl protection panties or something) until she has had some time to pee without pain or worry.
I also like the idea of peeing in the warm tub water. She can always do a quick rinse in the shower afterwards. I say this, because one of my kids was very constipated one time as a toddler but when she sat in a warm relaxed tubbie the poop came out. I was at a loss for a moment how to get her AND the tub clean again (hubbie put her in the other shower while I scooped the rock hard poop pellets out and scrubbed the tub) but was sooo relieved to know she emptied her bowels.
Who knew when we looked forward to having cute babies our lives would one day focus so much on poop and pee! I say, do whatever works for her and you, and also discuss with your pediatrician, since they have heard every variation of every issue many times before. Good luck. She is lucky to have such a caring and concerned mom.
Another few thoughts:1) I have heard of moms putting undies OVER the diaper to get the idea of wearing undies. 2) we used to make up the bed with a disposable incontinence pad from CVS with a fitted sheet over it, then another layer of pad and sheet, so that if the bed was wet at night you can simply strip one layer and have a dry bed again.
