Hi K.,
I don't know how helpful this information will be but lets give it a try. First, a little about me. I have two children, ages 8 & 12. Before my 12 year old even started school, we had isssues. I ofcourse knew I had issues with my child but didn't recieve much help. When my child entered kindergarden, I asked her teacher for some resourses to get some assistance with my child and her behavior. This teacher was teaching for her first year. Her comment to me was " who do you need help with?" I was happy to see that these same tantrums, outbursts ect. did not happen in school. However she was clueless when it came for dispensing advice. It was still a little early for testing for ADHD. Now as she entered first grade, her teacher was a 15 year veteran. She actually contacted me within 1 week of school starting to discuss her behavior and how we may recieve help. She was a great role model and somebody that has vast experience with children and thier behavior. It was recommended that I have her evaulated for ADHD. Never once did she diagnose or suggest a disorder but had some real concerns for her. I did bring her to a fabulous pediatrician and it was decided to medicate. She was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Most of us know what ADHD id, attention, defecit, hyperactive, disorder. ODD, is oppositional defiance disorder. I was not too happy about medications but at this point I was willing to try anything! I had severe doubts about ridaline and did not like the side effects for her. She threw up 15 times in one month. Thats always a great way to start, but it was the most commenly used drug at the time. Thankfully, I found another pediatrician that had worked in the pediatric field for 35 years and retired. He got board with retirement and pursued a challenge of just dealing with behavior issues. He would not except any side effects of drugs and understood my concerns with the results so far. I spent almost 4 years with his practice and then I moved to Arizona. We have been here 3 years and once again, I am looking for a pediatrician that is willing to adjust her medicine. She is now 12 and weighs a little over 75 lbs. When I originally moved here, her new pediatrician wanted to switch her to straterra. Her size, frame and body structure was and probably will always be petite. Because Adderall is a stimulant, and her size, she wanted her off the adderall and switched to straterra. Her hyperactivity was under control but the violent verbal and physical outburst continued. I had to insist that she be placed back on the Adderall. Remember, I was very reluctant to even try medication. If it was just the hyperactivity, I could deal with that. But, I was becoming concerned with the defiance. I once told the doctor that I would only medicate during the school year, not in the summer, not on the weekends. He was all for that, only to end up increasing her doses. I cryed in the pediatricians office because I was a bad mother with a diobediant child and do not want to medicate but now I need to increase her dosage. I will tell you now, what a change. I can tell within 5 minutes of speaking with her weather she is medicated or not. I do believe that these medications are overprescibed, and alot of people are misdiagnosed.
Look into your family background, does any mental disorders run in your family? ADHD, ADD, depression, physical or verbal outburts? Your husbands family? My child was doomed. Mental disorders run in both sides of my family. PLease do not think that I want you to have a child with adhd or any other disorder but you can't rule this out. I would recommend that you sit in your childs classroom. If the teacher has a problem with you being there, than I would first question why? What is the teacher trying to keep from you. I would also give your child time to adjust to your move. You both have been thru alot of changes. Have you considered counseling? Either family counseling or anger management classes. I am a true believer in counseling. Just remember, you know your child the best. Ask for advice but you have to make any final decisions. Don't be surprised if somebody tells you that its your parenting skills. Try not to fall in that guilt trip. Continue to ask for help, you are your only childs advocate.
Good luck! Don't give up. Your child is our future. I have played this game for many years and I am back in the game again. Its time to re-adjust or maybe even change her meds. This time I have to see a child pshychiatrist. Good news, he only lives 35 minutes from where i live and its not covered on my insurance but I will prevail. I will do anything that will help further my childs education and social skills. Its been a tough road, and an uphill climb but she is worth it, and so is your son.
Continue to be a parent that is willing to seek and ask for advice. You are doing your job as a parent, as difficult as that may seem. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see the reason for many years to come. But there is something that we need to learn or it would not be happening to you!
God Bless! I hope this helps a little, maybe alot.
H. B.