So my daughter's Dad keeps wanting her to share his last name. I didnt give her his last name at birth or put him on the birth certificate. Share custody both legal and physical with her father. She has asked me to share it in the past but dont want that. We now have a parent coordinator and court ordered counseling. After married she has Mom's maiden name. Dad keeps pressing to have names shared. Daughter wants to but knows I dont want it, and I have told her no before when she has asked me. What should I do?
Hi, Daughteroc:
Why are you being so obstinate about this situation?
How come y'all aren't finding common ground?
Just want to know.
D.
He can petition the court for a name change with or without your permission. You have a right to argue your reasons against the change, but what are your reasons?
You share legal and physical custody. Your daughter obviously knows who her father is and has a relationship with him. If I'm reading this correctly, you are married to someone else now and have a different last name.
I guess I just don't understand why it's not okay with you for your daughter to share her father's last name.
You don't specify how old your daughter is, but it sounds like she is well aware of the situation.
Hopefully this is something you can work on further through your family counseling.
Best wishes.
I am not sure if I understand the situation completely. I totally understand if you want your daughter to share your last name. I would have done the same thing. If however you have gotten married and changed your name so you no longer have the same name as your daughter then I think you should honor your daughter's wishes and let her take her father's name. I am not sure why you wouldn't let her if you changed your last name anyway. If you did not change your name then I would tell her you want her to have the same name as you.
part of her family tree is her dad and his name.
years from now when she wants to learn more about her heritage, or even her kids or her kid's kids want to know more, that name should be somewhere on a legal document. If dad's name is on her birth certificate, that's probably enough. If she's old enough to decide she wants to add her dads name to her own, I don't think it should be discouraged.
This questions is a little confusing. You're NOT married to the father, right? If no, and if you have primary custody, it makes sense to keep your last name, BUT it would be a nice thing to do for her to give his last name to her as a 2nd middle name. For school, legal stuff, keeping your last name makes sense. If he is in her life, and she knows he is her dad, put his name in there somewhere.
If it is what she wants, I would do it. Maybe hyphenate with both last names.
You don't have to take his name since you are no longer married to him, but for your daughter it IS her dad and that's who she "belongs" to...If you don't want to have the name remind you of him, put it in the middle...but that's her dad and she is aware of it makes it even the more reason to grant her wishes.
When your daughter is an adult she can take on whatever name she wants. Until then I would not make any changes. Tell both your DD and your ex that you will not be offended or against your DD making the decision to take on his last name when she is 18 - but until then you would like to keep things the way they are.
Period.
How old is your daughter? And you share both legal and physical custody with her father or you don't. Your post is worded to say you do but the gist of the post sounds like you don't.
My granddaughter has her father's last name on her birth certificate. When her mother married they added the new last name to the birth last name, unofficially. The school was willing to use any name mom wanted. The reason my daughter did that was so that her children would have the same last name as she did.
She was divorced and did not change her last name back. The children continued to use the same last name. Then she remarried. She and her daughter, who was 9 by that time decided to drop all the extra last names and go by her birth father's last name.
I don't understand why you don't want your daughter to use her father's last name. Even if you don't share custody, her father is half of who she is. If your daughter is in school, acknowledging a father is an important emotional consideration. Most kids have a father even if they don't live with him. My granddaughter, who is now 11, has several friends whose fathers do not live with them and they all have their father's last name. One lives with a step father and as with you, her mother has the husband's name but the daughter has her father's last name.
Your daughter can use her father's last name without making a legal change. My granddaughter has used 3 last name now. To keep a legal trail she has always included the name on her birth certificate and added the names of her two step fathers, dropping the previous step father's before adding the new step father's.
Your daughter's relationship with her father is important even if he's not a "good" father. It is important for her emotional growth to know her father.
Without knowing your reason for not wanting her to use her father's last name I can't address that issue with you. I do know, in general terms, it's important for your daughter to have a connection with her father unless he's abusive.
when she is 18 she can change it to whatever she wants. until then unless her bio mom and dad can agree on a last name weither it be his, hers or whoevers, it should just stay the way it is. this is reason number "207" why people should be married before having sex. keeps things simple. i feel for the child. it's her that has to live with a name that no one else has or makes her feel alienated from part of her own family.
I would say let her have dad's name as her middle name or some hyphen of it IF she wants it.
I'm married, kept my birth name... and both children also have my birth name. My son has Daddy's last name as his middle name, and now my older daughter is saying she wants her middle name changed to Daddy's last name. I told her when she can pay to change it, she can do whatever name change she wants
I, too, find the question odd.
If you were not having a good relationship prior to the birth of your daughter I could see how you decided not to put his name on the paperwork and give her his name. Could he now petititon the courts and have a DNA test drawn to prove that he is the father? Then he might have grounds to have the name change.
I had a former co-worker whose daughter had a child and put the father's name on the birth certificate and it has been sheer hell for her. Because he keep hauling her into court for this and that just to "get even". Her parents suggested that she not put his name on the birth certificate because he was a jerk.
Can you clarify the "After mararied, she has Mom's maiden name." Who is married - you or daughter?
These are just my thoughts.
For whatever reason that you are not telling us, there was a reason why you did not do this at birth.
The other S.
If her dad is a part of her life and she wants both your name and his, why is it a problem? Let her have both her parents' names..
