K.H.
Hi C.
Well, my take on defiant is that that is a book term not a life term. The books in my opinion want us to try to correct all the things that are happening to our children, instead of realizing that they are growing up.
So each age where you might see or hear or experience what might be called defiance -- my mom reminded me if they didn't go through that stage they would stay a baby their entire life for it is through testing the boundaries that we grow in wisdom and strength. So told me to call it the next phase of growth to independence. Wow! What a difference it made, because I could then guide them into a new independent stage without "beating them up" for being defiant.
My one son was particularly argumentative and I decided to take the same approach to it calling it debating. When a teacher told me he argued with her I said "oh are you seeing some of his excellent debate skills?" She agreed and set up some dialog and debate classes where he could state his opinions without backlash. That was such a help!!
Sometimes parenting is seeing the negative in a positive light, we do that with friends why not our kids.
Just a thought from the past generations, perhaps it will help you too
God bless you and give you peace
K. --- SAHM married 39 yrs== adult children --- 38, coach; 33, the debater, lawyer, married with our 2nd grandchild on the way; and twins 19, in college after homeschooling one for fine arts and one for journalism & so far both have made Dean's list each semester.