Daughter Drama - Carrollton,KY

Pretty odd behavior from 5 year olds.
Hard to believe.
Put her on the pill and get her the HPV vaccine I guess?
If this is a legitimate question both of these kids have issues and have been exposed to something that they shouldnt have at this age.

My DD at 4 did this also and then told me she got married on the playground. Well it was all innocent and we just explained that kissing is done (quick peck) on the cheek to prevent spreading of colds and I told her no one touches her where her bathing suit covers.

I am only concerned because you say they were swallowing each other....that is excessive and I would talk to his parents.

We have had a long standing rule with our daughters and it has served us well:

Kisses are for moms and dads, but friends get hugs and handshakes.

I wouldn't leave them to unsupervised play. They are acting out what they think boyfriends and girlfriends do, and this, too, shall pass.

My girls also know they aren't alllowed to have boyfriends until they are older. The timeline is something like: get good grades, get a job, get a car, get a boyfriend. The theory is that before you get a boyfriend, you should be independent enough to de everything for yourself on your own.

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You should have told them right then and there they shouldn't be kissing. But no you ca n tell her as soon as she is home from school that kissing like that isn't good for kids her age. Also, don't let them play unsupervised anyways, whether they are kissing or not, just too young. We talk to our kids about inappropriate touching and looking quite often. Kids this age ask to see each other's underwear, or their privates, or to even touch them... it is happening with this age group and you need to be proactive and talk to your kids about it.

Really? 5 yr olds that would rather be kissing than running around playing?
I'd definitely talk to your daughter about her feelings and probably talk to the boy's mom too. 5 yr olds dont usually want to spend time in lip locks, never heard of it myself.

I think Candice had a great answer, but I'd also like to find out where and how they learned this!!!! Do they have enough unsupervised time at school to have figured all this out? Would the teachers let them kiss like that? I think I'd want to stop the source of all this as well.

I would maybe just sit down with her and teller that kissing is not allowed. She is too young and it's just not appropriate behavior. Tell her that it's ok to kiss mommy or daddy or grandma (whoever you allow) but that's it. Say if she wants to have her boy-friend over then they are to just play like she would with any other friend. Tell her that kissing other friends on the lips like that could spread germs and she could get sick.

Again, Lisa C has a great answer.

I wouldn't freak out, or worry. I think this is fairly normal. You should just talk to her about what is appropriate in a very objective tone. Same way you would tell her how its important to share with your friends and take turns, listen to the teacher, etc. She probably didn't know, especially if you never specifically told her. This is one of the things that kids will "work" on in pre-school and early grade school. Especially if your family is very affectionate.

As others have said, you should also talk to her about appropriate touching. With my daughter, who is natuarlly very dramatic, I'll pose a question to her like "What if you were at the park, and a boy came over to you and wanted to see your underwear? What would you do?" The first time she wasn't sure, so I said you tell him "No, that's my private area!" (Then, come get Mommy) I did it in a silly kind of way, and she was laughing and wanted to do more "private stories." So I went through all kinds of scenarios... Should you show your underwear to your friends? NO, that's your private area. Should you touch other people's private areas? No, that is private! What if the boy offered you some candy? No, that's your private area. From what I read, its good to rehearse this stuff in a light hearted way, so that when/if they come across the situation they will know what to do.

Lots of luck. Stay calm and it will all be fine.

WOW!!! I do think you need to sit her down and talk with her on this. I do think she is awfully young to be kissing like that. I have a 6yr old daughter and I could not imagine her kissing like that. Is her little friend the same age? Good Luck!

It's pretty normal for kids to give quick pecks and even smooches on the lips especially if they have affectionate families. And kids do it to friends sometimes, until about he age when the other sex has "cooties" which differs for different kids. The extensive kissiing you describe is disturbing, yes, but if you give it all a huge emphasis she will too.

Talk of boyfriends and girlfriends seems to come up early (and in kindergarten I had a "boyfriend" but no, kissing would not have entered our heads). If she has been talking boyfriend talk a lot prior to this, or you notice she talks or plays a lot about having boyfriends, I'd be sure to examine what videos or TV she is watching (is it too mature for her? Much of Disney channel stuff is for preteens, not litle kids!), what her girl friends play and talk about, etc. And change it. Even "nice" animated movies like "Tangled" usually have some kiss involved when the hero and heroine finally lock their googly eyes on each other.

I would just tell her matter-of-factly that she can kiss mom and dad (and grandparents or whoever else you put on a list) and but save hugs only for friends. Blame it on colds and flu if you must! And you can tell her that it's nice to have boys for friends but not boyfriends, I guess.. But I would not overemphasize all this, or get upset in front of her, forbid her ever to see any boy as a playmate, or give her a big lecture. She will be so confused and think she's done something horribly wrong --which could have one of two effects for a kid her age: She will be upset and angry with herself and get very sad and guilty and clingy because she upset Mom; or she will get defensive and possibly seek this boy out to kiss him again, just to prove she's her own person. She and he very, very likely do not have any idea of real sexuality and these kisses are mimicking adult behavior or behavior they've seen on TV or wherever. (Unless one of them has witnessed inappropriate behavior or been abused themselves but you have no knowledge of that in the boy's case, do you?) But if you go too crazy explaining and lecturing she will see that you place some very high "value" -- even a negative value -- on what she did and that will make it loom very large in her mind. Do you want her super-focused on it, thinking about it even more, or directed to keep kisses to herself and leave it at that for now? Of course I'd keep a close eye on her with any boys who come over.

This is also the age to be certain she understands appropriate touch -- only mom, dad and the doctor can see you or touch you in your "bikini areas," etc. Get some kids books about this geared for her age - there are plenty. Don't associate it with this boy or with this incident, though. She will be very confused if you act as if he did something like that to her.

She should know you know- the little boy should know you know- They should both be sat down and told this is inappropriate- I realize this probably threw you for a loop but you really need to sit her down and let her know that this behavior is saved for when she gets older. Also contact with this boy should be restricted.

I would not have left them alone, and would supervise their playdates. I also would have distracted them from " swallowing each other" by giving them some type of activity -like playdough, coloring books,etc. I would talk with the boys mother, and make sure she is on the same page. While children like to make pretend, or act out things they have seen or heard, this is beyond inappropriate for this age. A peck or two on lips, holding hands, kissing cheeks- I'd allow for the most part, but not kissing/swallowing each other whole.

Children are like sponges, and they soak up any and all info that they see and hear. What they see, they think is okay. However, kids are earlier and earlier nowadays experimenting and behaving way to grown up. I can remember when I was in the hospital being induced, I asked the nurse, out of curiousity what is the youngest girl she has ever seen give birth. She replied-9 years old.

Ok, I would just tell her that she is too young to be kissing. I agree with the mom who said that she could be passing germs. It's a good way to explain a complicated situation in terms she will understand.

On a side note, just because they are kissing doesn't mean that they have been exposed to "inappropriate" things. My daughter is three. We watched Beauty and the Beast the other day, at the end of the movie my daughter grabs my face in both hands and plants one on me...on the lips. I am thinking, "What in the world is this child doing?" So I pull away from her, and it dawns on me, Belle and the prince just kissed like that. See?

Why didn't you tell them it's inappropriate to kiss? This happens in kindergarten/preschool classes all the time. They need to be told not to touch eachother in that way. I would do it immediately and them stick around and make sure they get it.
When you say swallowing eachother it sounds like their making out. These kind of things can get out of control very quickly with kids so little. They are too young to naturally respect the boundaries, it has to be spelled out for them that touching like that is unacceptable at their age.
By ignoring the behavior you are condoning it. I would nip this in the bud immediately and the boys parents need to know too.

Candice did have a great answer. Also, she probably is mimicking too what she sees on TV? There is a lot of kissing and stuff on the tube....Have that talk with her but don't make a big deal about it.

One of them has seen adults or teens kissing. My aunt lived with us while she was in High School. She was 10 years older and had boyfriends. I always caught them kissing and swallowing each other so I thought I needed a boyfriend to kiss. At 5 I made this little boy be my boyfriend and we had to kiss like the kissing your daughter did. I grew tired of it quickly.

As a Mom I would be very alarmed. Talking to her is the best thing. Don't feel like a bad Mom. The little boy probably saw this and has encouraged your dd to go along with it. Ask her why she's doing it. I should have had a talking too but I never got caught. I will say I did turn out fine. Good luck!!