Daughter Asked to Show 'Private Parts'

Why are you meeting with this boy's mother? Didn't the facility already do that?

And what kind of a facility is this that 11-year-old boys are alone with little girls? Where were they that they weren't in view of an employee of the facility?

I would worry less about him being 100% supervised and instead I would 100% supervise my 5-year-old. That's way too young, in my opinion, to be running around any facility unsupervised. Someone should be with her every second there. If not you, then a facility employee.

.

I don't think you can insist on anything...not your child, and you are not a judge in a court.

Also, the sports facility isn't responsible. Why weren't your young girls being supervised? I would never leave my daughters alone in a situation with older boys like that. I think it's inappropriate.

I am sorry that what happened happened...but I'm kind've a freak like this...I think that these things are what happens when children aren't supervised. I totally believe in full supervision of children of all ages...my children might hate me when they are teenagers (or maybe not, maybe they'll see the reality) but that's okay...it's my job to protect them.

Personally, I also don't think you have any legal rights. He didn't force this girl to do anything, and he didn't do anything to her. At that age, she ought to know better than to do what she did...has she not been taught?

Honestly L., my first thoughts were, "Wow, you must have taught your daughter right! She stood up for herself! Go you, and GO HER!" I can't believe anybody would slam you for that... wow.

I don't think that you can insist that the boy be placed in counseling. That is between him and his parents (and of course any legal representation or authoritative entity). You can suggest it, of course, or give her the name & number of a professional, but beyond that I'd say your only responsibility and obligation is to your own child.

As far as legal recourse, I have no idea, but I would advise you to stay in contact with the sports facility. I am sure that as the legal guardian of the 'victim' in this circumstance, you have the right to know what actions are being taken. Of course, if you are not satisfied with what the sports facility decides, hire a lawyer.

Best wishes!

Okay, I do not think you can legally require her to get counselling for him. The facility could do so as a condition for him staying at the facility -- probably. I really don't know the ins and outs of the legal part of this. I think -- well -- it's hard to say. What the boy did was inappropriate and he is setting himself up for really getting in trouble if he doesn't get in trouble now. It is possible that he has some social difficulties because at 11, most kids would know not to do that -- perhaps he is on the autism spectrum or something like that. But, I want to point out that he said he would cry -- he did not try to physically pull down their pants or anything and he didn't touch the girl. So, I'm saying, don't go crazy either. Just because he said that does not mean that he is an actual threat, just that he is probably having social problems. I would never say that you weren't supervising your daughter enough and yes, kudos to her and you for her response.

I don't get it... The facility handled it, has insisted he have supervision all the time, and you say you don't want him banned & you say is it is not possible to have him banned. What more can anyone do? If it happens again, either they ban the boy, or you find another facility. If you are that concerned, call the non emergency police line for your area & ask what recourse (if any) you have in this situation. I don't think anyone here is going to be able to give you the answer you are looking for.

And, no, I don't think that one instance warrants counseling, nor is it your place to "insist" that he partake in it.

I get that you were distracted for "a couple minutes", but it only takes a couple minutes for something strange or bad to happen, and your story proves it. Yes, the boy messed up, and should know better, but a 5 year old also shouldn't be unsupervised, and for this exact reason. Better to be proactive.

.

You really can't get legal advice from this site. It wouldn't be appropriate or moral. You CAN get mom advice, though. :-)

Honestly? I would file a police report and let them decide if this is an issue on whether or not to call CPS/DCYF. This needs to be documented appropriately and handled correctly right from the start, especially so this boy doesn't end up as a sexual predator and people are asking later one, "Didn't anyone see the signs? What??? No one reported him when he was asking little girls to show him their coochies?"

Call the police and have them take a statement from the boy's mom and the boy. Make sure the other girl's mom is involved in this too.

I understand this is very upsetting and unsettling.
I don't see how the facility is at all responsible.
I'm sure they talked to the boy as a courtesy to you. Were they in a group together where direct supervision was being provided.
I don't think you can "insist" he get counseling nor do I think that he should be made to do so. Now, if the did this to a different kid every day....
I do think you are over-reacting a bit. It's not like he's a registered Sex Offender. He's an 11 year old boy. That's why ALL kids should know how to respond just like your daughter did. Education IS power!

You have taught your daugher well. Something similar to this happened with my son in our neighborhood. I talked with the other mom and she talked with her son to confirm what happen. I then told the mom that I was filing a police report because I felt they needed to get involved with this. An officer was sent out and talked with my son and then went and talked with the other boy. I did not press charges but I did tell the mom that her son did need to get counciling or I would press charges. I was afraid that her son had been sexually assualt and was acting out on those feelings so I wanted him to get help. You are your childs best advocate and I think you should file a police report. This way the boy will also see how serious this really is. Good Luck and good job on teaching your daughter to say no.

You daughter did an awesome job! Yes you do deserve a kudos and and so does she!

I would talk to the mom in a public place with the other child's mom present. No kids should be there. I would ask her what her plans are for protecting other children and her own child. We are not sure what he was thinking when he asked the girls to show their bodies, but it sounds like you are right, he needs counseling. If his mom is willing to talk to you, then she is going to have to be open to some suggestions - go ahead and suggest the counseling. And yes, he should not be left unsupervised in the facility at this point. Good luck and I am sorry this happened, but happy that your daughter spoke with you about it.

NO at 11 he knows better. if he was under 5 i would say it is curiosity. he needs to talk to a councilor and needs to show proof before being able to be in the facility. thats just my opinion.

Yes - I'd be really proud of my daughter for one - saying no, and two 0 coming to tell me. You have clearly raised her in an open environment where she trusts you and knows that she has rights. For others who might want to feel like they have done all they could, Gavin DeBeckers book "protecting the gift" is excellent.

As far as legal actions, you would have to contact a lawyer, but my guess is that exposure is a punishable defense. Like some of the other people who answered, I'd question why you want to discuss it further with the mom. This puts you in a position of creating a relationship with her, and with her son, which then offers him increased access to your family. Something to consider. This is a tough situation, and I am sorry you are in it.

Your daughter did a great job.

Honestly, I would contact the police and ask them what their best recommendation would be in this situation. He is very young, but that is not normal behavior and he needs help. I don't necessarily mean pressing charges (unless it's the only way to get someone to deal with the situation).

BUT - if his mother doesn't get him help (because it's entirely possible and even probable that something may have happened to HIM to get him started in this behavior) and deal with this, it could get worse and other children could be at risk. And if something is ACTIVELY happening to this boy, it needs to be stopped. Good luck!

I think you have taught your daughter so well. You can not praise her enough. That is one of the best things we can do is to empower our children.

I don't have any legal advice for you. I just wanted to say a great big GOOD GIRL to your daughter. I've said the same thing to my own daughter many times: Only Mommy, Daddy and the doctor (when Mommy's in the room) can see your privates.

See how important it is to talk about stuff like that with your kids, no matter how young they are??

It's a very unpleasant situation, and I sincerely hope it gets sorted out properly. Good luck.