Daughter 4 Years, 9 Month Old Wakes up Crying Daily

Is it possible that you're comforting her too much? Have you tried being matter of fact about this is the way it is. Give a brief hug, tell her you sympathize and then go on with a routine. When we spend to much time trying to console someone we're giving them the message that they should be upset. It is important to accept the feelings and to briefly show sympathy but this needs to be done briefly, giving them the message that now it's time to move on.

Have you asked her what her concerns are? Have you given her a lovie or tried sitting in her room vs laying with her while she sleeps? Does she have a night light? Did this start after a particular event? Do you know about the book The Kissing Hand? You can talk to your child's pediatrician. If she needs therapy, there are ways to address a child's needs through play therapy.

I do agree that most children benefit from short good byes. If you feed into it too much, then it becomes a way to make you stay vs encouraging her to go and have fun.

Children are less secure the more you make them have a reason to think they are insecure. By that I mean if you tell her it's time for her to go to bed, tell her you will come and check on her but she's able to stay in her own room in her own bed and be fine. She will learn to be fine. When you drop her off at Grandma's tell her you love her, will be thinking of her, will be home in the evening and get her again and she is fine. She will learn to be fine. This may take some time but she will learn that much faster than if you pamper her crying and it will prepare her for preschool but most importantly she will much happier, not so much crying and unhappiness. Try it. It works much better than the way you're doing it now. Be calm, consistent and firm.

Does she sleep well at night? About how many hours? Does she nap still? I think what you are finding via google is that this might be due to not getting enough sleep. If she is chronically over-tired, it could def affect her behaviour in these ways.

Is she getting enough sleep? Especially if she has been going through a growth spurt, she may need more sleep. I would push her bedtime back at least an hour and see if that helps. Explain to her why you're doing this ("You have been having a really hard time waking up happy lately. I think you need more sleep. This will help you be more cheerful when you wake up.")

The other thing I'm thinking with regard to the separation anxiety is, she is getting SOME kind of payoff for this behavior. In other words, if it weren't working for her on some level, she'd stop doing it, right? I'd try being less conciliatory toward her, and more matter-of-fact. Acknowledge her by saying, "Hey, I'll miss you, too. But I'll see you after school today!" And leave it at that. Do not engage her any further on the subject. Your mom should not hang out at preschool drop-off. Simply drop her off, hug and kiss, and LEAVE. Short and sweet. I know where you're coming from on this because one of my kids is very emotional, too - and she has also discovered that she can manipulate the adults around her by crying, creating a big fuss, etc. When we do not engage her - surprise! - she doesn't cry, and is actually quite cheerful and happy. A lot of this could be that she's trying to see what will happen when she displays certain behavior, and she likes all the attention she's getting when she cries and carries on.

Four year olds are smart AND can be highly manipulative. Be aware of that before jumping to the conclusion that something is deeply wrong with her. Her behavior sounds very normal from a developmental perspective - you just need to be more strategic when responding to her. :)

Has anything changed in her life recently?
Has anything happened to her recently?
Have you talked with her... about her life and seeing what her feelings are... "why" she misses you all so much recently???

Sometimes, it is also growing pains... at this age, people expect a lot more from a child, because of their age. But yet, the child is still just a child and does not know everything, much less the ability to "analyze" their own feelings.

Separation Anxiety, does still occur. It occurs at different age junctures (not just in babies) but it is expressed differently, per age.
When my son was 2 and then 4 years old for example, he got REAL clingy with me. Versus my daughter was not that way at those ages.

Do you have to work? Can you change you rjob so you can be at home with her more? She loves you and wants to spend time with you and missess you when you aren't there. Now she is becoming anxious that she won't have any time with you. If you can sacrifice and work part time, that might help.

couple of thoughts:

have you considered a sleep study? There may be a simple answer to her issues.

Is she sleeping at least 8 hours, hopefully 10 hours each night? I would think 8pm for bed, & up at 6am (or later) is not asking too much for her age group. Anything less, & she'll be overtired the next day.

The fact that you're still having to soothe her is a concern. She should be able to self-soothe, should be able to fall asleep independently, & should be able to separate (from you) easier than she is. I truly believe you need to address these concerns all across the board....so that KG will flow easier for her. Peace to all of you!

Hi J.,
I have a minor in Child Psychology and I have 2 children of my own,
So I understand your worry! Iam currently reading a book called the
Secret of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph, and I love it because it explains, what a parent should do in these occasions , when one does
Not now what to do......he says that a parent should listen to there children! The term is called Active listening! Ask her, why she feels this way, instead of distracting her with TV, and help her resolve it, or find the answer by herself, her attitude worries me, because it can be something external or in her environment that is causing this, who are the people she is with during the day? Iam sorry that Iam sounding like a Doctor but, I have studied cases where the child is not able to tell the parents that somebody or something is happening to her, do not want to say more, I truly hope that you can speak to her and help her resolve this. I wish you the best, and if you need to ask me something, I will be there for you.
May God bless you and your family with love and health.
Maria E