Dating and Exposure to Kids

Mine were 8 and 10 when I introduced them to my now husband. I have to say it was a hard transition. Children have a huge loyalty to parents. I did take it very slow. It took a while for them to warm up to him. He was very understanding with them and was real friendly. Played lots of games, things like that. Had beach days.....we did things that were interactive. They are much older and think the world of him. It did take a while. I did not let him visit my home for a long time. We always met him somewhere. I did not want them to think I was forcing him on them. It took the awkward out of it. I have to say it took about a year of courting the kids before we got engaged and we had been dating about 8 months before that. Good luck!

I think you can tell your kids that you are dating and let THEM be the ones to ask for contact with the guy. Start by letting them know that there IS a guy. Maybe let them meet him briefly when he picks you up for a date. Then as they start to ask about him, you can talk more about him and maybe introduce him.

A word of caution about not saying anything to kids until you're going to be married: A friend of mine dated a man for two years when her kids were young and introduced them once the were engaged. Her kids felt like she had "just met him and was marrying him" because they weren't involved earlier on.

HTH
T.

Tell them you're dating, certainly, but don't introduce him to them until you're very sure & serious. Good luck!

Instead of an answer, I have a question: How do you expect your children OR your potential mate to integrate and mesh together as a family instantly (upon the event of a wedding) if you don't allow them to even interact beforehand?

And I know this isn't a popular belief (and gives you a lot more choice of a potential mate), but a marriage relationship is supposed to be stronger and more committed than a parent/child relationship -- even if the man isn't the natural father of the children. I believe that anyone dating you should first and foremost be committed to you AND to your family.