K.L.
Your kids have known him as a friend for a while and he can continue to be a friend you spend more time with. Its ok to tell the kids how much nicer it is to have a friend with you for concerts, and movies, and dinner out now and then. And they can see how much fun the zoo or park can be for them with a friend along with mommy too. As long as they are still getting a lot of your attention and youre not sitting ignoring them while you and friend snuggle and kiss on the park bench. Make sure they still feel #1 in your life because they should be. Move slowly with him. Give the kids all time to see how they get along and how boy friend gets along with the kids, and how he handles when they have a problem. What does he do when one of them throws a tantrum, or whines, or is sick? Its real important to know how he is with your kids so IF the relationship grows to a point of marriage you will feel secure and safe bringing him into their world full time. You can tell them he is your friend and if the friendship grows into more, then you will have an even better friend. The big thing, and its the BIGGEST to me, is DONT sleep with him. He goes home every night, You go home every night. He doesnt move in and you dont go away on weekends with him. If you start having sex you can too easily fall into making him first in your life, and leaving the kids out. Sex is real hard to resist and makes everything tougher to give up if you break up. Ending a sexual relationship is way harder than just a friendship. You wont have so much to get over if you decide its not more than freindship, if you havent started sleeping together. I dont agree with others who have said(in others questions) to not let your kids meet the guy until you are serious. If you go so far as to get serious, what if he doesnt do well with your kids, and then you have to let him go and get over him when your heart may have already been committed. I think you spend a long long time being friends, and him seeing the kids now and then, including them in fun dates, so you can tell if the future together will work. I would think it could easily take a year or more to do this. Gals who meet a guy and hop into bed on the 3rd date and then let him meet the kids, and want them to understand how this all works are just asking for trouble. Kids can sense when you are feeling more than just friendship especially if you have been having sex with the guy, and they start to get emotionally attatched too, and then the hard part comes if you break up. You break your kids heart too. If you are just friends, you can stay friends, even after you decide youre not in a serious/marrying type relationship. So go slow, include the kids now and then, and dont sleep with him. Just have fun and let it grow over time.
