DATE NIGHT/MOMS DAY Out-wrong??

I have read many articles written by counselors that say that time away is needed to recharge and build the parental relationship. It's the foundation of the family and if it's neglected - all else suffers.

Research? Yes ~ every parent on the planet. Everyone needs a break, time to regroup with kids or without kids. Parents are better parents when they have time to be adults! Actually, forget even being an adult ~ go be a kid again without the kids!
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Is there some reason you need actual research? My own feelings are enough for me -and everyone else I know. If I don't get breaks from kids and have some time on my own, we all suffer! The same holds true for every person I know -even the ones who don't want it or require it as often.

Here is your research.
Do you need a break?
Do you want time to just talk about grown up subjects?
Would you like a nice quiet meal that does not include chicken nuggets, glasses of milk and having to clean it up?
Do you miss your husband and want to tell him you miss him without interruption?
Do you miss your grown up friends?

Do you want your children to learn to be more independent?
Do you want your children to feel comfortable with other people in case of a future emergency?

If you answered yes, then there is your answer..

.

I don't think this needs research! Students need a break from studying, teachers need a break from teaching, managers need a break from managing, singers need a break from singing....so on and so on. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. OF COURSE, it's appropriate and needed.
In my opinion, it's complete common sense.

I have invested 20 years of my time researching this very topic (using myself as a case study, naturally). I can say without a doubt that parents need time away from their children in order to maintain their sanity.

When my kids ask if I'm going out AGAIN???? (oooo, once a week), I tell them that they get to play with their friends every day at school, and I only get to see mine once a week. So there. :P

Yes, go out. Get away from the kids for a bit. Relax. It's fine if they have pizza yet again.

I don't think you need research...just ask any Mom. We have to keep that connection with our spouses and friends (and Mothers) in order to keep our sanity! I know it makes me a better Mommy!

I have not seen research but in our marriage it is a priority.

We've had date night weekly (since we married 22 yrs ago) and only missed it when I had daughter and/or if daughter or one of us was sick since we married.

I think it is crucial to the marriage to have date night.

There is nothing wrong with MDO either. Mom's need to recharge, care for themselves mentally so they can be at their best with children and hubby.

Everybody needs a break. You can take the kids to grandma's or trade with the parents of your kids friends, you take mine on Friday I'll take yours on Saturday, or hire a babysitter. I firmly believe that parents need to spend time as a couple and date at least twice a month if not once a week. You can hold hands and snuggle without the kids going eww. Even if you stay home, rent a movie and pick up some take-out. The point is staying close to your SO and not having to parent while you are having some snuggle time.

I am sure there is plenty, but why research? If you need some time with your loved one or just need a break from being "mama" take it!
Kids needs a strong stable family and the best way to get that is for their parents to be happy and healthy. Being a parent does not mean you stop having needs and wants. Find someone you trust to watch your children and go out and remember that you are a person too. Letting the children know that there are people out there other than their parents that love and respect them is good for them too. My kids love to go to Grandma's or Grandpa's and we get some time to reconnect and unwind.

I suppose you could google it. I'm sure it is out there! I'm reading a book right now (Actually, my Wednesday Moms group is reading it together) that is called "The Smartest Decisions aWoman Makes after 40" and there is one for under 40. Anyway, the chapter I just read was about maintaining our health. And making time for ourselves and enjoying ourselves (taking a break, having fun with friends) was mentioned as being one of the best things we can do so we stay healthy as senior citizens. So, YES, there is research out there. ANd being a mom for almost 20 years--I can testify to the fact that if I didn't get out and hang with my friends, I would be in the looney bin! You deserve a break! Don't feel guilty as if you have to justify it!

Yeah....the fact that I'm still sane!

It is ESSENTIAL that parents get a break. Now, what "break" means to one parent may be different from another, but the point is to spend some time being YOU, not 'mommy'. Whether it's a 1/2 hour walk, a hot bath, a lunch date or a weekend away - you have to do something FOR yourself or you'll LOSE yourself.

It is so APPROPRIATE for you to have me time and for you and your SO to have alone time. If Mommy ain't happy then nobodys happy! :) We do a date night a month where the kids all go to Grandma's house for the night. We usually go out to eat or cook something together. This time is a must at our house. Our kids also get to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa too!

i don;t tink u need research, you're more than J. a mom, you're a person, you want your kids to live a happy fullfilled well rounded life right? Well lead by example...I know I don;t want my daughter to J. have one place of enjoyment in life,

I'll be your case study. Check with me when I do versus when I don't and you can collect tons of empirical data! And I'm sure the kids need a break from us too! I like that old saying...."How can I miss you if you never go away!"

I agree the proof is in the experiences of moms, but I've also read it's important to put your marriage first because a strong marriage will make you stronger parents. My mom (who has been married to my dad for over 40 years)recently echoed this sentiment when she told me it's now just she and my dad again (since we're grown) and said how important it is that my husband and I always put each other first.

I sure hope so!!! My husband and I have rotating "private nights" on Tuesday and Thursday of each week - he does his thing, I do mine - and we go out for a date together pretty much every Friday night while they go to the local "kids playroom". Do I think my kids suffer because of it? Hells no!!! They are happy because WE are happy - everyone gets a little break, some private time and we can all be together, refreshed and happy, come Saturday and Sunday.

My DD used to go to play therapy and the counselor and I were talking about marriage and here is what she had to say. "Your spouse should always come first in your life. Happy marriages/relationships in turn make happy children and a happy family" So yes, date night is very important!

In MN we have classes called ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) that you can take at your local elementary school with your babies and toddlers. These classes include a parenting portion where a licensed parent educator (Bachelors degree or higher) works with parents on all kinds of parenting issues. In EVERY CLASS I have ever taken in the last 6 years the parent educator has talked about the importance of having a break, making time for yourself, for your spouse, and your marriage. I can not find any direct research in my piles of stuff I've brought home from these classes, but I would guess if you googled it you could find something.

Good luck.
Jessica

I know I am a more patient mom when I get my own time. Even if that is a 30 minute bubble bath after the kids are in bed. I enjoy my own time, and I enjoy my kid/family time. My husband and I are going away for the weekend soon and it is the first time EVER! It will be the week before my youngest turns 4. We have never gone away and only had one night alone in the past 6 years...we need more time for us. We make sure to revolve our lives around our kids (minus softball season for my husband but I have come to terms with that and my husband has made huge changes because he sees what he is missing with them then.) But you don't need research to know that parents need their own time :).

Yep! I make date nights with Hubby and have girls night too!!! Makes a world of difference!

I know I am a much better mother and wife because of GNO and date nights with my husband. I also want my kids to know me as a well rounded person with outside interest and hobbies.
Someday when my kids are grown I don't think I will experience empty nest syndrome because I have made a full life for myself that involves other things besides being a mother. Being a mother to my children, by far, brings the most joy into my life though: )

Why do you need research? Do you have children? because if you did you know everyone needs a break even if its just a drive. I know after having 4 kids my hubby and i need alone time also

No research just personal experience.

I was about ready to go insane. I told my husband I NEEDED time to myself with my GFs. I get ONE night a week - Friday night - if I chose to stay home - I do - but I'm INVISIBLE to my men - i don't cook dinner, I don't answer the phone - and they do not bother me.

As my husband just said "it's NECESSARY!!!!" Parents need a break too.

Parents definitely need to get out by themselves without the little ones. It doesn't have to be a big expensive thing. In our case sometimes our "date" night consisted of going for groceries and running errands while one of our parents babysat lol. But yes getting out of the house for some grown up time is important. it is not your question but it is also important to get out by your self once in a while. Join a bowling league, or a book club etc. you need to have some time away from your hubby sometimes too.

My husband and I got our every weekend with the kiddo. Weather it be for dinner, a movie, or just snuggling up on the couch. No it's not necessary, but I do believe as a young couple we still need a moment alone to give each other some attention. As far as moms day out, I don't really do much with girlfriends. If I have free time I like to be with my family or with my hubby :)

not really sure what your are asking but I surely have never read anything that parents getting a break is wrong.....of course they need a break! Why wouldn't a mom need some time away?? Sometimes just two hours being able to go shopping alone with no noise is enough for me. I am a stay at home mom and sometimes the sheer constant talking from my youngest makes me need a break. there is nothing wrong with a mom taking time away to recharge herself. Date night out with my husband helps renew our relationship and brings us closer. We only get one date night a month max but that helps a lot. Even if we do talk about our kids most of the time, it gives us a chance to talk without interruption. I think moms saying that it helps is reasearch enough. didn't read other posts, curious what other moms think. :o)

What?? Why wouldn't it be?

I don't know of any research that proves it. But, I have a very happy, healthy, and well-balanced marriage and family life because I get a break and my husband and I have time to spend time working on our marriage. We even take a night away once or twice a year while the grandparents watch out girls. It is so refreshing to be a wife only and not have to worry about being a mom for a few hours.

i don't know of any studies but for goodness sackes go out. you will make your self nuts is you don't. mom of 7, R.

I think the proof is called sanity :)

They way someone put it to me is that it is just like when you are on a plane and the give the spiel about the oxygen masks saying that you should put yours on first before helping anyone, including your children, because if you don't you might pass out before you can help them.

Sometimes I just need to put my "oxygen mask" on first so that I can breathe before I can do my best in taking care of my children. Taking a break is just that.

Twenty-eight years ago, when our oldest was still very young, I arranged for someone to watch him for a few hours so my husband and I could go out. But my husband refused. He didn't want to leave our son, even for those few hours. Now he realizes he was wrong, and while our marriage is strong, that incident still bugs me sometimes. Go out. Enjoy. You'll be glad you did.

I don't need research - I know that I am a much happier, playful, patient and less stressed mom/wife when I get a break! And, both my kids have loved going to mother's day out! It's an all around win-win in my book! :-)

No but I'll get you plenty of confessions/testimonies lol
my moms friends thinks its wrong and her only son is 16!!!

As a Marriage and Family Therapist I see the proof in my office every day. I jokingly believe one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage is to have children. They take time and energy and if it's going one place, it's not going another. Today's society encourages an all out focus on the children, but the best gift you can give your children is to protect their parents' marriage (thank you, Dr. Phil). It's about balance. If you never spend any time alone together as a couple, you lose the connection that will keep you together. Once you start down this path, it's hard to get back. You find more reasons not to be together and the love dies. Being proactive about protecting your marriage by spending alone time together will keep you out of my office. While not good for me, it will be great for you and your family.

Im not understanding why such research would be done, a person/people goes from being single, and without child to having a constant tug at their sleeve/s. What could be harmful about a once in three month outing?

or in my case twice a year

Did you NOT google the topic? I found this.....http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/3800/1/Parents-Kids-A.... Give it a read......It has been said by many, Dr. Phil included, that parents need time away from the kids. The number one relationship is the parents. We have vacationed away from our child but have also received criticism from my mom.....they didn't do that.....I went everywhere. Not everyone will agree. Just make sure if you take any long trips without the kids that you have a will in place. You just never know and need to be responsible about what might happen.....it never hurts to be prepared. Simple will kits are available if you can't afford to do an attorney.

This is kindof on the same subject. Google "child centered families". This is about the kids being the center of the family, not good for our children.