Daddy and Son Not Bonding

My advice would be to give him some time. Even though it may not seem normal to you, it can take a new dad a bit longer to really bond with a new baby. Especially if it was a surprise. My hubby doesn't have any major issues in the nurture area and he took a solid 6 mos with each of our 3 children to really embrace them(or to notice them for that matter!). He is the greatest dad from then on. A new baby is a big deal for everyone as well as for a marriage. Pressuring him could cause the opposite of what you want. So, try a little patience and once your little one is a little more like a person, I would be willing to bet he won't be able to help himself. Best of Luck!

A.

My husband was the same way, we now have five, and he never really bonds with the newborns, he just isn't a newborn kind of guy. He has a great relationship with the kids now-so give it some time. The more you push, the bigger the wall. Let their relationship evolve naturally. Make sure he knows he is still number one in your life. The best thing you can do for your child is to love their daddy. Good luck, and congratulations! Amy

Most men don't bond well with "babies" they love them but aren't much help in the nurturing or care department. Not all men are like that however I would say majority of them are. I doubt your husband has built up a wall as much as needs interaction to bond. My ex loved both our children dearly however until they were mobile and talking and interacted with him he kind of just acted a tad indifferent. I mean he would hold them, feed them if I asked but rarely voluntarily. Once your son gets older, he will probably come around a great deal more. They see too that babies typically want mommy more then they and they feel left out in the process. Try including your husband even if it means saying "you know I need to lay down, can you handle the baby for a bit"...so he is there present and helping but without you standing over him. I know too I was a tad overprotective with my babies and gave my ex instruction on what to do, like he was incapable. We all think we can do it better and we probably can but men need to feel needed and wanted in the process. Don't worry too much. Give it time, the first time your son utters "hi dadda" he will melt, promise.

The first thing that jumps to mind is that perhaps he is a bit afraid of being a dad? Given what you said about his own parental relationship, maybe he's afraid of being the same way with his own child and thinks that just staying away is better than what he went through?

Maybe you could try setting up something fun for him to do with your son? I know he's young, but at 3 months, he's getting to a really fun age. Perhaps, you make a quick run to the grocery store and leave dad with the baby with some fun toys to play with? Maybe if he starts bonding with the baby on his own terms he will be able to open up a bit more?

Good luck to you and congrats on your baby boy!

The very fact that he spends all his free time with you means he is dong what you want him to so desperately be doing! He could be out with the guys, in a bar, out at a game, somewhere else!! If you keep pushing the issue you are going to make him self conscious and think he is doing something wrong, when in fact you have a man who is there supporting you and spending time nurturing the relationship you have as a family.

Give him time. Men need to see someone respond back to them in a visible and tangible way, and your son at 3 months is not yet dong that. Ina very short time is going to stat babbling, moving, playing more--and your husband will start interacting more and more with him. Give him the opportunities and you will see that happen!

My husband told me that he didn't really feel bonded to either of our kids until they were 6-months old and really didn't start to really enjoy being with them until they were about 18-months old. It wasn't that he didn't love them or didn't like them, he just didn't feel this need to be with them the way mothers do. But now he LOVES being with them.

My advice is to have him spend more time ALONE with the baby. Make plans and tell him it would really help you if he would give the baby a bath while you are out. Or ask him to read the baby a book while you clean up the kitchen. Give the baby a bottle, etc.

But don't worry that they won't be close if he's not "bonded" to him now. It will come in time.

What I would encourage from you is love and acceptance of where your husband is at for now. If you will simply honor his current feelings, perhaps he will get to the place where he feels comfortable enough to look at what is going on with him and his relationship with his son.

He might not even be clear himself why he feels the way he does. Perhaps somewhere deep inside him without him even being aware of it, he is sparing his son the pain he felt when losing his mother. If he doesn't bond, there is no risk of loss. We all logically realize that really doesn't work, but that is why they are called irrational beliefs.

Trust that your husband is a loving man and only wants to love your son even when his actions might suggest otherwise.