Custody Issues - Cleveland,TN

Call legal aid of NC for legal assistance. I think their website is legalaidnc.org. You can call the state bar for a referral at 1-800-662-7660.

If you can't afford a lawyer but want to pursue this issue, maybe you could start a home business or get a second job. Also, there is a lot of information online and about town on ways to save money with groceries, light bill, etc.

Even if you don't have custody of your son you can still contest the adoption. You have not said whether or not you pay child support, I hope that you have been, if not it is possible that your ex would try to use this point to manipulate you into signing the papers. Also, you could ask that child social services evaluate the situation and make sure that your ex is not mentally or emotionally abusing your son. I would make sure that I made it to every court date involving this issue and make sure that the court knows that you have no intention of giving up your parental rights. I agree that you should get legal aid involved. I would also have them look into changing the agreement to make it mandatory that you have visitation. Whatever happened four years ago - don't let it hold you down. We all make mistakes. It sounds like you have done a lot of growing since then and are trying to be the best mom you can be. It may even be that your ex is so controlling that he mentally and emotionally blackmailed you into thinking that he is the better parent - if that is the situation then you have had four years to strengthen yourself and now know that it simply is not true. Don't be scared - whatever is scaring you own it and move forward.

She cannot adopt him without your parental rights being terminated - this is WAY different than custody. Your ex-husband - not his wife - would need to have his lawyer file papers claiming you to be unfit and asking the courts to terminate your rights. Judges are VERY reluctant to terminate parental rights on parents who are addicted to drugs, much less one who isn't.

Look in your area for a legal aid society, they may have a list of lawyers who would represent you for a lower cost, or maybe even free. You need to have the Court order visitation - not just take whatever your ex-husband gives you. If he won custody in court, there should have been some kind of order as to what your visitation is. He cannot keep you from that if it is court ordered.

This may require you being very bold and stepping out of your comfort zone. You will need to decide if you are going to fight for your son or not. I would personally encourage you to do absolutely everything you can to maintain a relationship with your son and under no circumstances should you voluntarily sign over your rights.

I am a legal assistant in the area of family law. I don't know everything about your situation or your state laws, but I know that she cannot adopt him without your rights being terminated first. That can happen two ways, one - you sign over your rights (REALLY bad idea) or two - your ex-husband proves there is something in your life that is extremely detrimental to the child (this can be VERY difficult to prove). So, my advice is to stand up and take action in order to keep your son.

L.,
My heart goes out to you. You say you lost custody but don't clarify. Did your ex get primary physical custody with you having visitation set in a custody agreement or did you lose all legal visitation with your son? If it is the former, your ex cannot change that without going back to court. His new wife can "want" to adopt your son all she wants but you would either have to voluntarily agree to give up your rights or the court would have to terminate them. This is a lengthy process and you would have the opportunity to present evidence of your current situation. I agree with the others that you should go to Legal Aid or contact family law attorneys who might do the work pro bono or for reduced fees. No matter what, don't give into the fear they are trying on you. The best thing is for you to be the person and mother you want to be and don't worry about the new wife. Your son knows who his mother is and will see his dad and stepmom for the people they are all by himself. Don't stoop to their level, just be the person he can count on. If you try to play their game, they will win because they know the rules. Nothing is more frustrating than not getting the reaction you are looking for. Don't give them the pleasure. I know it's tough to do but it's worth it in the long run. I would suggest reading some of Harriet Lerner's books on how to be the person you want to be and create appropriate boundaries with your ex. Good luck.

L. D

wow thats kind of nuts. i have to say if you lost your son the courts saw something not right and thats prob what your ex and ms. wacko are going on. go to your county court house and tell them the situation and ask if they have a lawyer that can help you. they have lawyers that work for people who cant afford them i cant think of what they are called but they are out there... good luck!

Since you are remarried and have two children of your own living with you, you should be able to get your child back. If I were you, I would do whatever it took to try to get custody. You can pick up a 2nd job, deliver pizza at night, deliver newspapers in the am, work at a retail store on the weekends, or borrow the money for the attorney. There isn't much else you can do and going in without an attorney will not turn out well if your ex has an attorney. You might be able to even take out a personal loan for the attorney money. Don't you dare let that woman adopt your child! what a whack!!! Why on earth would she tattoo a child's name on her arm?? UGH

dont talk to school they will tell your ex. do go or call courthouse. and try to find one. also if you dont give up your rights she cannot adopt him not matter why you lost before. there is free layers every where.

I would put in for an order of court mandated visitation like immediately. If I were you I would look into my local legal aid society to see if they can help you with the cost for representation. They may even represent you for free. I would definately not let your ex and his wife have complete control over this situation. This would also help your son to see that you will be there no matter what. Even though she is married to your ex she is not you and he will want and need you.

L.
i know what you are going thru, i havent lost my child but my ex has been trying for 12yrs and hurts our daughter in the process, she isnt allowed to call or talk with me when i see her out or call me when she is with him, and he leaves her alone and i cant do anything no one will listen, be careful of going to court without an attorney, it wont do you any good, tried that and it didnt help me at all. i have been thru several attorneys and still no happiness. good luck

I agree with the others about legal aid and not giving up on the battle for your child! This is just my opinion but it sounds to me like anyone who would allow someone's name to be tattooed on a child is an unfit parent anyway! What's up with that? I'm also interested in the reason you didn't get custody originally. If your situation has changed, you need to document that somehow and don't go into court without an atty, they say that "the person who represents himself has a fool for a client"! ;-) Keeping you in my prayers and especially your son! Try to keep him out of the middle as much as possible.

my brother in law wanted to adopt his wife's little boy from a previous relationship. The son's biological father had to sign papers to relinquish his rights before he was "adoptable"
Talk to the counselors at your son's school and let them know what is going on. Maybe they can refer you.
Good luck
-D.