Custody Issue with Out of Country Mother

Updated on April 27, 2007
L.S. asks from Toledo, OH
4 answers

I have two adorable nephews that are currently living here in the States with their father (who is actually my cousin, but was raised as my brother, thats another long complicated story, lol). Anyways, they are 4 and 6 years old. Two years ago their mother who is from England originally decided to move back to England to get her Master's Degree and was going to take the boys with her. Their dad and mom were having marriage issues and decided the one year she would be gone would be a good break for them to work out their problems. Well mom found a boyfriend instantly in England and broke dad's heart. The boys were their for one year away from us all. Their dad missed them terribly. So last summer mom calls and says she has been kicked out of her mother's hom she was staying in and had no where to live with the boys. My wonderful parents paid THOUSANDS of dollars to get the boys back here. They have been here ever since. Dad isn't the most responsible dad, but does a decent job of taking care of the boys. I have helped out a LOT and the boys have adjusted well. Now, dad is struggling financially and mom wants them back at the end of the summer. These boys cannot keep going back and forth every other year. Mom is now working on her PHD and lives 8 hours away from any sort of family or support system. Whereas dad has family 2 blocks away to help him. To me, neither one of them wants to step up and make these boys their responsibility and number one priority. I guess my question is...does anyone know how child support works with out of country situations? I feel so bad for these kids, it is a loss-loss situation for them :-( In my opinion mom had no business having kids in this country if she wasn't going to stay here. I don't blame her if she isn't happy in her marriage, but those boys were born here, she has no right to take them away from their father. It is a terrible situation that I have only touched base on.

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J.L.

answers from Dayton on

As far as child support goes - it is whatever county the two parents lived in TOGETHER last. If it was Montgomery County, they will go through the Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency, if it is another state, it's the same way. It is WHATEVER county they lived in together last. (been through 3 divorces with my mom and my husband had a divorce while we were together, I learned a lot). If dad isn't doing so well and mom is doing a lot better (even in another country) more than likely she will be awarded the children in the custody battle. UNLESS you or your parents step in and do something about it. Make sure that EVERYTHING is documented, as far as expenses for the children go and how often mom calls, to what might happen if mom gets kicked out of her place again. Those are things the court will take into consideration. It also has a lot to do with their ages. If I am not mistaken the legal age to choose which parent you want to live with is 12. Maybe a little younger now. I am not completely sure. I would have a consultation with a lawyer and ask them what should be done to ensure the children remain in the U.S. and not shipped off only to be shipped back again because mom can't handle them. If she is awarded custody of the kids, I would make your brother put a clause in his divorce that SHE has to PAY ALL EXPENSES during the summer when the children are to come and visit him, or any other time he is awarded with them. If he is paying child support and she is making more money than him it will be something that the courts will take into high consideration. I hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.R.

answers from Dayton on

I'm not sure but I think that if they are American citizens the Mom would have to get approval to take them to live out of the country. I'm not so sure if a judge would approve that, normally if both parents were living in the states and one decided to move it's likely that the parent staying in country will get custody. I know for some people who just move out the state they have a huge custody dispute and that's just within the country. A family friend's wife decided to move a few state's away but as a stipulation she has to pay for the child to fly for monthly visitation back to the home state.

I'm not too sure though so I'd suggest you contact a lawyer! I can ask my Mom, used to work for a firm though not family law but her best friend does.

Just send me a message if you need any help!

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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H.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

L., both of the responses that you have recieved are very accurate and good advice. I worked in family law and have been through a custody battle myself. No matter what, you and your family need to be prepared to be drained emotionally & physically. Judges take into consideration what is in the "best interest of the child", there are many factors involved in that, including support from family, stable home life, etc. While your brother may struggle, it sounds as though you and your parents provide a solid support system for him and the boys. That is so important. You definitely need to consult an attorney ASAP since these types of "battles" can drag on for months. With mom being out of the country, I am not sure how long it could go on. My boys lived with thier dad for years & I paid support. I paid support while attending college, I was not given a break because I was attending school to give my kids a better life as an end result, I worked 3 jobs and went to school full-time. There is no reason that mom cannot pay support also. I now have full custody of my boys, but I will tell you that it was a horrible experience for all of us and left us drained, physically, emotionally & financially but it was worth it all. My boys are happy & well adjusted, something that they would not have been had they stayed with thier father. Good luck & I H. to hear more!

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S.P.

answers from Columbus on

it actually depends on if the children were born here or in any other country.
maternal citizenship passes to children in other countries regardless of the fathers citizenship.

if it were a country with a different language than ours, and the boys did not speak that language, the courts would rule with the father and they would stay here untill age 13 where they could decide to go live with their mother if they wanted.
because england speaks the same language as us, the custody ruling could go either way.
if the mother is able to provide a stable home environment, regardless of outside family support systems, and the father isnt, then they will be awarded to her.

really be sure to speak with a lawyer that is familar with englands laws as not only ours apply but englands aswell. (im having to deal with an issue with different country laws with my divorce. even though we both agree fully on the terms of the divorce... the courts dont agree on laws and are dragging it out)

i do agree with the other person that responded. make sure to note when the mother calls, if she sends cards, if she offeres financial help while they are living with the father. all that good jaz, because if she is making good money but isnt even offering to lift a finger to help now.. then that might just count against her in court when she wants to get the boys.

i can give you the name of a realy great lawyer that specializes in custody and divorce battles.
Debra Berrington
4th Street (not sure of the exact address or phone number, but im sure its in the phonebook.)
Chillicothe

also if you get ahold of your local legal aid office (even if you dont need help with a lawyer) they will beable to give you names of good lawyers that specialize in the laws of other countries.

good luck with this. i hope everything works out for the boys. they need all the love and support they can get.
realy remember that the people most affected by a lenghty and nasty custody battle are the children involved. let them know that mommy and daddy love them sooooooooo much that they have to fight over who gets to keep them closest. ;}

1 mom found this helpful
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