I would like to know if any one has any advice about obtaining custody of my 5 year old daughter. Her father left me when I was 5 mths pregnant and only sees her every other week. He has never lived with us or had her for more than a weekend. I dont know if I should just go ahead and get custody, or is it just a waste of time? (Mainly because she has never lived with him- and I dont have the finances available for a battle.)
So far I am still debating about going for custody. I have been to a lawyer and found that I probably wont get sole custody but the child support issue is still in the back of my mind. As long as he keeps giving me the amount we agreed on for now, I am going to let it be (he does buy her clothes and other things if I ask him to on top of giving me a check.) I just dont need more stress right now because my husband is going to be shipped out to Afghanastan in late May. But Thanks to everyone for submitting responses. It gives me another POV to consider.
dear J.,
i am from nyc and here is the childsupport website just read it hope it is helpful.please let me know good luck hun NEWYORKCHILDSUPPORT.COM
It sounds like you already have custody. She only has visitation with him. She lives with you. Do you not want him to see her anymore.
While I don't know the laws in NY, in VT I used the Office of Child Support to help me with that.
My son's biological father and I split up when I was only 4 months pregnant and he still to this day has never seen him. I asked the court for full physical custody and it was granted. You should be able to do it for a minimal fee.
Is your husband going to adopt your daughter? That would take more time.
Go online and check into the NY Office of Child Support, I'm sure that they can help you.
Good luck!
I am in the middle of an issue currently. We're actually in court (XH and I) because of visitation but he's been very spiteful lately. I've had children's services called on me three times (2 unfounded, one still ongoing b/c it just started) and it's ridiculous. He tried to pay less c/s and thankfully the judge dismissed him. And now (yesterday) his newest thing is that he wants custody of the kids. Stress!!! If you can, depending on your income, see if you can get legal aid in the matter. If so, you won't even have to pay for it and you should get everything legally settled, in case what happened to ME happens to you - XH gets married and the new wife loves drama. *rolls eyes* Better to have it done than not.
Hi J.,
I am a single mother who did take sole custody for my daughter. I filed for child support, which I strongly suggest and full custody. It didn't cost me anything but the father didn't even show in court so I got everything I wanted. I suggest you talk to your childrens father. Let him know that visitation wont change and this is just a legal standing. My custody order states that visitation is up to my discression. Which means that the courts didn't set up a visitation schedual and we just work that out our selfs. Hope this helps and good luck!
Dear J.,
I just recently finished up a custody case of my own. When you say custody do you mean Sole custody? Does he pay child support?
If he has visitations with her and he is paying child support and she has been living with you-- You are the Primary Care Taker.
It is very very costly -- custody battles could get very very ugly, and could turn into something that is unstoppable and more damage to your daughter. It is stressful and if he is not paying or he is saying he is going to take her from you, then I would do it.
I know what I went thru and it was tough.
Roberta J
First, a point that was made earlier is if the BF's name is on the birth certificate. If so, then asking for joint physical custody, sole legal custody and primary physical custody is your best bet.
Second, if you are receiving CS, then somewhere along the line you were acknowledged as the Primary parent. Is the CS through Child and Family Services, or does he pay you directly?
Give the fact that the BF is active in your daughter's life, the chances of being awarded sole physical custody are pretty slim.
sorry i just read your posting. I am going thru something like you r thinking about doing. Let me explain, I split from my daughters father when I was five months pregant. I have been a single mother for fourteen years now. Her father does not see her or even pay for support never have. The law says that I have custodial custody of her and I am trying to get full custody but it is very hard to do that, they don't want to have the other parents rights taken away from them. It seems that u have to prove that parent is an unfit parent, and it seems that is very hard to do. Theyl say just because the parent does not pay support or evem visit that child that does not prove them unfit parent. If u want to try contact legal aid, or even divison of familly services and see what they can do for u. Good luch with whatever u decide to do. ever want to talk contact me.
J.:
Is the father's last name on Alexis' birth certificate? If you have not established paternity of the child. Then it may be easy to get custody.
If the father's last name is on the birth certificate getting Sole Custody may be difficult. The Courts tend to do what is the "best interest" of the child.
I have two child and am separated and would like to have Sole Custody of my children, which would mean I make all decisions medical, education etc. - Right now I do that anyway, the only things I cannot do are (1) move to another state with out his permission/or the Courts permission and (2) obtain a passport (because he has to sign a paper a refuses to).
Consult your husband's military jag officer, they are very helpful.
M.
Hi there. My name is M. and I was not only a soldier at one time but also the wife of a soldier (after I got out). The first place to start is with your posts lagel services. They WILL help you and it should be free too. Is the bio-dad putting up a stink about custody or is this something you feel you need to do? Does your current husband want to adopt your child? The legal building is where I would start though. What branch and what post are you in / on? I was in the Army and when I was in Korea my ex tried to divorce me but soon found out he had to wait till I was stateside again. I had to go to legal when I wanted his current wife to adopt my kids I had with him. Long story. Anyway, before I start rambling some more... I hope this is helpful. Good luck.
I would say it is worth the "fight". I am suprised that her being in school or even the fact you are a military wife doesn't already dictate that custody be established. You could talk things over with her father - and see how he feels about getting custody established via the courts. Unless you already know he is against the idea. i live in NYS and was able to fill out cusody papers and sit in front of the judge with the only cost to me being the gas to get to court. i guess it depends on if you want sole custody or joint custody with you having physical placement. The difference would be involving her father in any decision making (education, medical, etc) or if he needed to make any decisions while visitng him.
J.
You should definitely get custody of this child. Right now you are both legal custodians of this child and he has just as much rights to her as you do. Which means he can pick up and take her if he wanted to. When I was first divorced, even thou my son lived with me since the split, my ex took him and would not return him. I called the police and was told that because there was no custody they couldn't do anything to force him to return my son. Luckily we already had proceedings pending in court and the judge returned him to me in a week. You would likely be awarded custody since you have had her since birth and you could have the visitation set up just as it is now. Hope this helps.
M.
