Custody

I dont believe that it would matter at this time because the boy is still young. However once he gets older than the judge might ask that you seek a bigger apartment. As long as you are a great mother which i think you are then you should be fine. Good luck.
____@____.com

I am going thru this also. No judge will take away the child from his mother unless she was unfit. I wish you the best of luck with all of this.

Hi J.
I just went through this last February and my ex was an attorney. He too thought that because I lived in low housing that he would gain custody. The Judge will take your son if you are abusive, on drugs, or any other kind of substance. I strongly recommend you allowing your ex to continue to see your son. That is a good thing for you and shows the courts you are willing to foster a relationship between father/son. Very very important. The visitation schedule that I had was 2 days with me and two days with my ex and every other weekend. My son has done this since the day he was born.... he no longer sees his father because of him making him go. Do not make any disparging remarks about him, be nice even if it kills you. Let him go crazy and do not let him intimidate you at all. If you do all of this you will be fine - get an attorney definitely you will need it. This is a very stressful time and could get messy. Just remember what I said about fostering a relationship with the father it is soooo important. If you need help with an attorney mine was excellent and also a women. I think that helps too. I wish you luck and if you need some advice do not hesitate to ask. It will get better I promise you. Best of luck.
RJ P.S. I havefull custody of my son! I Won

I am kinda going through the same thing with my daughters father. He thinks b/c he makes more money that, thats all that matters. I would think that the mother would get custody unless unfit. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Good luck though. I wish you the best:))

Going through the whole custody process is not fun! I've did that last year and then again this year with my daughter's father. They can't take your daughter away from you just because you live in an apartment and he lives in a house. I've done lots of research on what they look at in order to establish who would get custody. If you'd like to email me privately I can send you the information. Just email me at ____@____.com

Do you have a lawyer yet? The court is going to appointment a Law Guardian for your child also who is going to speak on behalf of what he thinks is the best for the child.

Hey J.. Hope this is all worked out by now. But, just wanted to make you aware. I thought these same things when I went through my divorce 2 1/2 years ago. I was a great mom, married to an abusive husband and he got custody of my son. He got custody because I moved out of the home and was working a midnight shift, so the judge wanted my son in a stable home where the parent would be there during the night. So, don't take it for granted and assume you will get custody. I honestly thought the same thing you did and didn't think there would be a chance he would get custody, but he did. He is still a jerk to me and I am still seeking to get custody back, i just don't have the money to do it. So, please don't take it for granted!

I am going through a Divorce as well. My daughter is 9 years old and her Father swore he was going to "FIGHT ME UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES" for Custody. I began to worry myself, because right now I live in the "Marital" home, and I have agreed to move into an apartment so he can move back in. I came up with an offer of Joint Legal and Joint Physical Custody for our Daughter. HE AGREED and we are about to settle without going to trial. Joint Legal means we make equal decisions regarding what is in the best interest of the child, (medical, etc...)and Joint Physical (what I came up with) is she is with him 2 full weeks a month, and me 2 full weeks a month. Sun thru Sun. My spouse LOVES that idea. I had also posed an every Friday thru Sunday, he turned that down because he realized every weekend gives him no Social Life. I also gave him printed information on the affects and emotional problems that it will cause a child who is in the middle of a Divorce/Custody fight. And I put my Daughter in Therapy, because I wasn't sure if she was being affected in any way. There will be a Law Guardian, just make sure you don't say anything negative about him, or give a personal opinion about him. Let the Law Guardian know that you have the child in Therapy to help the child cope with Mommie and Daddy Divorcing. Try Counseling for yourself, that really shines with the Courts!!! Also, continue to encourage a relationship between him and your son. That looks very favorable in Court as well. You must remain calm, and collected. All the things the Law Guardian and Judge look at when determing these matters. Chances are he is going to look like the fool anyway! Do you have Legal Help? I know an organization that could assist you if you don't! Boys do need to have their Father in their life, and they very much need their Mother as well. With that said, 50% of the time with you, and 50% of the time with him might work, unless the Dad has some issues...I am Welcoming those 2 weeks of "Adult" time to myself.

I know an Organization for Free Counseling. Email me ____@____.com if you need any information I mentioned, or you just want to chat! Good Luck...It will get easier, trust me...

HELLO MY NAME IS K., I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS WITH MY EX HUSBAND. HE TRIED TO DO THE SAME THING AND I WAS TOLD BY A LAWYER THAT THE JUDGE PREFERS TO KEEP THE CHILDREN WITH THEIR MOTHER AS LONG AS SHE ISNT UNFIT. I WAS TOLD THAT IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE EITHER, MY EX HUSBAND HAD MORE MONEY THAN I DID AND THEY LOOK AT WHO HAS BEEN THE SOAL PROVIDER FOR THE CHILDREN SINCE THE DAY THEY WERE BORN AND I DONT MEAN MONEY THEY LOOK AT WHO HAS TAKEN CARE OF THEM WHO GETS UP WITH THEM IN THE NIGHT WHO COOKS FOR THEM AND BATHS THEM. DONT WORRY, AS LONG AS YOUR A GOOD MOM YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO KEEP YOUR CHILD. I FEEL FOR YOU BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS TOO, I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS THE WORRYING THE CRYING. HANG IN THERE HUN AND BE STRONG. ~K.~ PS I AM NOT SURE WHAT STATE YOU ARE IN BUT I AM IN NY AND I WENT THROUGH NY.

HI J. MY NAME IS J. NO HE WILL NOT GET CUSTODY OF YOUR SON UNLESS YOU ARE UNFIT IT DOESNT MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE.. 5 YEARS AGO MY SONS FATHER TRIED THE SAME THING AND I STILL HAVE MY SON... DONT WORRY YOU JUST DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR SON AND NO ONE CAN SAY ANYTHING.. WHEN YOU GO TO COURT JUST BE KIND AND SMILE AND YOU WILL SEE HOW THINGS GO YOUR WAY.

I've read most of the responses in this thread and it seems that a lot of people think that just because you are the mother that you are automatically given custody of the child. This is not true!!! What it comes down to is what is in the best interest of the child, period. It doesn't really matter who had a bigger house, who has a bigger income, etc. It is what is in the best interest of the child. He cannot take custody of the child away from you just because you live in an efficiency apartment. My suggestioin would be to seek legal counsel, either through your own attorney or through Legal Aid in your county. I wish you the best of luck. Ultimately judges/consilliators want parents to try to come to an agreement beforehand. This shows them that both parents want what is best for the child.

I don't know for sure, but I am pretty sure that the judge will tell you that you will need to get an apartment with separate rooms for both of you. I would also be sure that there is a door on your room or your child's room to ensure privacy. I got in trouble with social services because my son's room didn't have a door. (He kept pinching his fingers in it at 2, so I took it off for a while) They said he needed a door, so that we had completely separate space. I know that how you care for your child is the most important thing, and you may not have a problem. You can ask the judge, or check with your local social services office about what codes you need to worry about.

J., Though i have not been in a custody battle myself, I have watched close friends and family go through them... custody will not be taken away from you just because you live in an effincency apartment, often times custody will be split into "joint" custody. The custodial parent is the one that keeps the child most of the time for school and during the week. The other parent gets regular visitation usually every other week, alternating holidays and usually a night or 2 during the week. If yoiu are truly a good parent it will show and the jusdge will not take your son away from you, however be prepared to SHARE custody... The best thing to do would be to come to terms that both you and your ex-husband can agree on WITHOUT dragging your sin through a NASTY custody battle with bitternes and pride firmly grounded in concrete. Your main concern is that your son get through this hard time with as little emotional trauma as possible, either way the custody goes, he will see the difference of one or the other parent not being there all the time... and if your ex does get the job of being the custodial parent, keep in mind thatyou will have rights and the ability to see your son on a regular basis, even if it does not go the way you really wanted it to. The best thing is to just be there for your son. Though a judge MIGHT very well take living space into consideration, what he will REALLY see is how healthy and happy is that child as long as you can provide the rest of his care there shouldnt be that ,uch of an issue, judges do tend to rule in favor of the mother unless is proved that she GROSSLY unfit. meanwhile keep your spirits up,work with your ex and a good lawyer and above all, let go of any bitterness, because that will just make any situation miserable, up to and including if yoiu get custody of your son

I hope this has helped
-N.

J. I agree with what all the women are saying however... grab a piece of paper and write down ALL the things you, your family your apt have to offer your son. I'm just moving to NY but in MN (which is known for not taking children from mothers)you need to be able to show that you have a lot to offer as well. Always better to be safe than sorry. I feel your pain I'm dealing with drama very close to that. Good luck!

Hello, It s pretty much the truth, they wont take a child from either parent unless that parent is a danger to the child! I went throu my ex saying terrible things about me n its what u can prove. They dont care whos got a bigger house n more money! Take care and rest easy!

I don't think this would matter. I am uncertain about the laws in NY as we just moved from Indiana. However my b-n-law has his own law firm in Texas has told me on a number of times (oldest daughter has bio-father in Texas) that most judges won't take a child from their mother unless she is unfit. At this age I would think a more structered schedule would be best. Perhaps you can suggest to your ex that he could have his son on the weekends or every other weekend? Hope this helps.

Dear J.

Your right, the judge can not take your child away from you unless it's proven that your unfit. It doesn't matter that you live in an efficiency apartment, what matters is thatyour child has a roof over his head and food in the fridge. Your ex will have to prove that your unfit to your child and that the living conditions are unsafe for your child.

Sorry i haven't responded i only get on at work and i have been real busy. Well it shouldnt matter where you live although just be carefull he don't try to claim you un fir . If your nose is clean then you should be ok. But you know how these dudes are they will try to pull up dirt.. Good luck !

J.,

You need to look into some other options. Regarding custody the law requires that the child be provided with his/her own room. So if you take up living in the living room for now and your child is in the bedroom that should be sufficient to please the courts. The court will be sympathetic to you since you are divorcing and it cause financial hardships on people. Try to remain calm especially if you have a female judge they usually don't appreciate having a hysterical woman in the courtroom. When my husband was going through his custody battle his ex was constantly being yelled at by the judge for "freaking out". Keep yourself calm and collected even though this may be hard. Explain how you are looking for a better living situation but at the time due to financial constraints you had to choose to live where you are. I am the same age as you and cannot imagine how you must feel and what you are going through but I do know that being headstrong and confident are very good ways to get what you want. The courts do always favor the mother unless you are proven unfit. And that doesn't mean he says you are unfit, it means a full on court investigation where you son will recieve an advocate from the court and each home will be inspected and parents and grandparents and close friends interviewed. I hope that your case doesn't go that far, but if it does you just do the best you can with what you have tha is all anyone can ask. Good Luck, things will turn out in your favor your ex is just being a jerk it's the only way he has left to make you miserable don't give in.

document everything!a child at 2.5 yrs it is ok to have what is called joint costodial parentinng when he is 3 joint custody with specific visitation should be addressed and not at the parent's convenience but to the childs needs for stability. do not let anyone intimidate you specify why you need stability after 3: meaning schooling and structure purposes and i am sure the magistrate at child custody hearings will acknowledge the need of structure and a more sutible scheduel will be set in writing every week on friday he takes him you get him saturday during the week you get him and on wednesday he can pick him up for dinner. focus on the child and not the needs of the adult and again i say DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Hi, I'm a mother of 3. Ages 5 1/2, 3 and 1 month. And I will be going through the same thing you are very soon. It is true that a judge will not take a baby away from its mother. However, as long as there is enough room in your apartment, it's clean, you have plenty of food, and your son is ALL THE WAY AROUND healthy and comfortable in his surroundings. I would ask a lawyer or someone representing you what they think. I know I was told my kids had to have their own rooms and the house had to be safe all outlets covered and that sorta thing. Don't let your ex get underneath your skin. Men love to do that, just ignore him, thats what I do. As long as you have those things and a job, or are supporting your son well through the "systems" eyes, then I think you'll be safe. I would just ask if having an efficiency is a problem if not good if yes try and find a 2 bdrm. as long as you get legal advice I think you'll be alright. I hope I helped.

Hi J.

My ex husband tried suing me for full custody of our three children when we were going through our divorce. Don't worry about your ex, he is trying to intimidate you. My ex seemed to think that simply because I didn't work, had no live-in significant other (like he did), and lived in an apt, and not a house, like he did, that a judge would award him custody. Well, he was wrong. A child is rarely removed from the mother, unless she is unfit. You are correct in the 2 days on 2 days off not being a good situation. A child needs stability and routine, and needs to feel like something is 'home'. I would try to get on a somewhat more traditional routine, like every other weekend, and perhaps one other night a week. Good luck, and let me know if there's anything I can do to help!
~L.