My ds is 3 1/2 and he's been going to the same daycare for 2 yrs now. It's been the same women working there the whole time. Yet he still cries sometimes when I drop him off in the morning. He knows they love him and he knows that either his dad or I always come back to pick him up in the afternoon. Like this morning, he ran out of his classroom after me and the ladies had to pry him off of me and he was crying hysterically when I left. I hate leaving him there like that. But I know I have to. I have worked at a daycare before and I know the best thing a parent can do is give the child a kiss, a hug, say bye then leave. Hanging around only makes things worse. So I do that and he's still upset when I leave. Does anyone know of anything else I can do to make things less traumatic for him? And I worry about what will happen when he starts kindergarten next year. I want him to be happy and to look forward to going to daycare and school. Thanks in advance.
*EDIT* Thanks for the responses, here's a little more info: I don't think it's anything going on at the daycare. When we pick him up in the afternoons, he tells us about all the fun things he and his friends have done that day. And the crying isn't every day. It's probably once a week. But I feel like after 2 years at the same place, he shouldn't be crying like this? Also, I think another thing is he loves going to his grandparents house. And every morning he asks me where he is going that day. If I tell him daycare, he tells me no he wants to go to his grandparents. So I think that probably has a lot to do with it. But how do I get him to understand that he can't go the grands every day?
I like you! Not all parents understand how much harder they make it on kids by handing around and prolonging the separation.
I would ask the teachers how long he usually cries just to know that he settles down after you leave so you can feel better about this. He just has lots of fun with less rules and lots more individual attention at grandparents house. He'll be okay though.
My son used to do that at his old daycare every day. He never wanted me to leave him and would cling to me. He went to that daycare for 15 months so we gave it a chance. We changed daycares and he did that the first week or two at the new place but never again. He actually looks forward to going to school now and we now have my 2 year old daughter at the same place and she loves it as well. My son has been going there for over 2 years now and we love it. I used to worry every day when I was at work about my kids but now that they are at their current place, I finally have peace of mind.
Could you maybe spend a day or do a couple of surprise visits to see what goes on during the day? Maybe ask different family members to pop in for a while without your child seeing and just observe. It could give you a clue as to why your son is not happy there.
Maybe ask him about his day at the daycare. See if he will tell you why he doesn't like it.
Some children (such as me when I was around the age of 4 and 5) just do not like being left without one of their parents. The whole year I was in Kindergarten I cried - it was anxiety that I thought I was in the care of someone who really didn't know me and are mom and dad gonna know where to find me if something happens/I don't really feel comfortable with these people.......I was a very shy and anxious person (still am) - I didn't know how to put my feelings into words so I made up weird reasons for my behavior to my mom - I didn't like the bus/I didn't like my teacher/etc.etc. Truth is - I just wanted to be home where everything was familiar and safe.
I had also been in daycare prior to going to kindergarden and I was fine there - however my older sister was there with me and a couple of kids who lived across the street from me - that was enough to comfort me.
As some other people said there may have been an incident or two that makes him feel scared/worried/anxious/etc. Try to talk to him about it. He may be like me and not able to verbalize his feelings but just keep trying and talking to him about it........
My first thought is that there is something negative going on there that no one has told you about. Is he verbal? Can you try to ask him why he's so upset everyday when he goes to daycare?
Has anything changed at the daycare recently? A new child that your ds doesn't get along with? My 2 year old did this for a while too, but we found out that it was becuase another little boy picked on him. We talked to the teacher and director and they moved the other child to another class and we haven't had a crying jag since. So sorry that you and your little one are going through this.
My grandson cries when anyone leaves our home. It's not that he doesn't want to be with the person or persons he's being left with. It's that he likes to be on the go and with anyone that leaves the house. I have done daycare for 25 years and most of the crying ones in the morning do it to guilt mom and or dad. Once you are gone it's over, just like that. In other words, he's not traumatized...you are. He wants it that way too. The best thing you can do is tell him in advance that it's naughty to cry like that since he likes his daycare. BUT, before you do that I would engage him in lots of conversations about the daycare when he's in a good mood and make sure he really does like it there.
My DD went through these eras from time to time - she was still doing it once in a great while in 3rd grade - not often but maybe 3 times in 3rd grade. Transitions are tough for many little ones. Wouldn't you rather stay in your PJ's and hang around the house all day? Some kids are more sensitive than others and perhaps one of his buddies had begun hanging with another kid there? Make sure there's not an older school age kid (worker's son or nephew) who comes for a few hourse every so often and changes the dynamnics of the group. Litte things like that can upset a toddler's whole day.
Once you are certain there aren't any changes then set up expectations for your little one in advance. As you leave daycare in the evening ask how does he feel when it's time to transition. When we walk int he door at school each morning how do you feel? In the afternoon when you pick him up Is it tough to get back to being with mom after a day at school? Say something like "it seems you're having a tough time in the mornings when I take you to school and I have to to go to work." pause and see what he has to say. Tell him "I know it's tough sometimes becuase I miss you and daddy when I have to go to work too. but I know you can go in to school and not cry becuase you are getting a little more grown up every day - even though you are always, always, going to be my baby" "I know that tomorrow you can go right into school without being upset - you can think about the fun that you'll have with your friends." Then in the morning while driving there remind him of what's expected: "I know you are going to walk right in and begin to think about all the cool stuff you're going to do today and I am going to be SO proud of you!"
Kids will usually rise or sink to our expectations. Keep in mind too that at this age our little ones go through lots of developmental surges. Sometimes it's emotional growth, others it's intellectual and of course physical.. So if he's tired it's going to be more tough to deal with.
Best of luck mama. This stuff is not easy!
Have you asked the daycare how quickly he stops crying after you leave? He may stop crying before you even get back to the car. If that's the case, I wouldn't worry about it. One thing you could try, if you take him to daycare some days and the grandparents other days, you could either talk to him the night before and explain where he's going the next morning, or put together a fun little calendar that has a picture of the grandparents on their days and a fun picture of school on those days, and walk him through it each day/week so he understands ahead of time where he's going. That might make the mornings easier so he's already prepped on what he's doing. That seems to help my daughter adjust when we have a changing schedule. The important thing is to remember that it's just them tugging at the heartstrings - it sounds like things are fine at the daycare. They are emotional hormonal messes at 3 and he might not even really know why he's doing it. Good luck!! Hang in there! Things get easier at age 4!! ;)
Did something happen to another child? Say another kid's parent was hurt in a car accident, or was late picking them up... that child could have said something to your child.
My little boy has gone through this too. It's like separation anxiety or something. Not to be discouraging but even my 5 year old does it sometimes! (He wasn't in kindergarten last year but 4 yr old preschool because of his birthday) His teacher said it was very normal. I have a hard time too knowing whether to just leave or to hang around for a minute. He drives me nuts when he hides behind me! And like your son it's not all the time. I try to do what seems right for that day. If he seems like he needs an extra hug or if I can tell he's just being goofy then I tell him I love him and he's fine and I'll be back to get him after. My husband does NOT like him to act this way and tells him he needs to be a big boy! About the grandparents I guess I would just try to explain that it's a treat to go see them and that he can't go every day but to look forward to the time when he can. Focus on the positive and fun things about pre-school. And no I don't thing anything bad is going on at the daycare (unless you really do suspect something). I think it's just normal behavior and he will eventually grow out of it... I hope ;)! I can't seem him doing it once he enters high school!!
Hey! This is late, but my 3 1/2 son just recently started a new daycare, so I understand... unfortunately:)
Each morning in the drive, I ask if he'd like to be carried or walk holding hands into the center. I ask him when we're in the room where he'd like to sit with me for 3 minutes, and he sits in my lap and we hug and talk about what the other kids are doing, and then I give a hug and kiss and wave goodbye through the window. I think it's comforting to him to know I too miss him daily.
When I get home, each day during dinner, I ask about the kids in his class by name (How was Ethan? Did you play blocks with Max?), ask what he ate for lunch and snack, and what he liked best about his day. This shows him I'm interested in his day and its details.
He shares his special day with me, and I do the same with him. He feels special because I love and miss him during our time apart, and I want all the details not just the "overview":)
Good luck!:)
