Crying

It sounds like you're in a tough position. being a single mom and having to go back to work so soon must be really hard. having a baby is such an arduaous and lifechanging event. my baby has just turned 1 and things have gotten a little easier in many ways, especially with the sleeping.
i am quite fond of attatchment parenting, which is only one way to approach the whole process. in my opinion it is a good one. it advocates close contact and unconditional response in the first 6 months of life, at least as often as you can. Even other research that i have done has pointed to the fact that an infant under 2 months(some say as long as 6 months), especially one as young as 6 weeks or less, is not capable of having its needs conveyed to you in any other way than crying and that they are simply too young to be crying in order to control you. when their crying is not responded to in some way there is less sense of safety for them.
i am not saying any of this to scare you. plenty of us were left to cry it out, or to cry ourselves to sleep, and we are okay as adults. no matter what, your child only expects you to do the best you can, and if you give him all the love and attention you are capable of when you are with him he will grow up well.
just the same, i agree with you that leaving and knowing the person watching your precious little one refuses to comfort him would be heart wrenching. i am not sure if it is possible to change the way your mother would be with him if that is the way she believes is best. try and talk to her, or find an alternative sitter( which i know can be hard to come by). if there is no other option, i would watch him over the first days and weeks of your new sitter relationship and trust your gut. if he seems worse off, or upset or like he is trying to tell you something, or if you have a bad feeling in your stomach, try to consider any other options there might be, like maybe doing some day shifts, so he is not uncomforted all night, but is with your mom during the day when he is maybe in less need of comfort.
regardless of what i believe or anyone does about the right way to raise a child, one thing is for sure - you are your baby's mom, and your baby can communicate with you and your body in ways that even science does not fully understand. trust your senses. trust your baby.

After reading your request...I was a little surprised by your mother's response to you. I am 29 years old with a 5 year old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son. Now this is just from experiance and info from another mother with children the same ages as mine...My children (both of them) didn't "break" the newborne cycle until they were both between 3 to 4 months old. My advice is if you feel unconfortable with your mom...you should try the best you can to find someone else to help with caring for your baby. I think that even if you talk with her (no matter how understanding she seems) she's going to do what she feels is right anyways. I personally bought a special pillow that kept my newbornes on their side to sleep. Just some thoughts I had after reading this request.

K.

K.-
Babies aren't supposed to sleep through the night until they are around 3 months old, so pushing him to sleep longer than 4 hours is asking too much from a baby. When he gets closer to 3 months you can try something similar to what your mother is suggesting but there are still alternatives to screaming all night. If you want info about that let me know. Babies are supposed to whine and cry - it is there only form of communication. I don't know if you have told your mother but in the past 10 years, more SIDS cases have been connected to sleeping on bellies. All newborns should be put to sleep on their backs. I know you are young and this is your first baby but remember this is your baby, not your mom's. You are your son's only advocate and she needs to listen to his mom. It's only respectful. Just because she has already been a mom for 22 years + does not mean she is all-knowing. I'm not great at putting parents in their place but just try to think of a tactful way to tell her that you wish she would respect her wishes.

It irritates me when the older generation thinks they know all. Things change & most importantly, this is YOUR chance to be a mother. She raised a good person, so then she should respect your wishes - afterall, most of what you've learned has come from her - right! Maybe if you bring it up to her in that way, she won't be so defensive or put you on the defensive. Tell her your doctor recommends feeding him every 3 hrs (he'll sleep longer when he's ready to sleep longer) & give her a pamphlet on SIDS. She can't ignore what was written by someone reputable. I understand not wanting to leave your child with someone you don't trust fully. My mother-in-law likes to feed my children stuff I don't want them eating (like cotton candy at 2 months old!) I would definitely try to find a daytime position, and put him in a daycare before risking the mother/grandmother relationship. Even though you have different views, that relationship is important! Good Luck!

K.-
It certainly sounds like you have your hands full and not just with a baby! Babies must sleep on their backs. Your mother hasn't had an infant in 2 decades, she needs to be aware of updated information. I'm sure your pediatrician would be glad to give you pamphlets on the risk of SIDS and the "Back to sleep" information. Your mother is wrong and is putting your child's life at risk. As for sleeping for more than 4 hours! That's so ridiculous I can't believe she even suggested it. My daughter got up every 2 hours and was ready to eat again. They are growing so much at this stage they need their nutrition and I think should be eating more often than that. Babies also love attention and need to be close to you. There's no such thing as a spoiled baby! I get the impression that your mom doesn't really want to help take care of her grandchild, but knows she'll look bad if she doesn't. I would try your best to seek another caretaker when your sister can't. I would also tell your doctor about this and maybe your pediatrician can talk some sense into your mother. I know of an excellent pediatrician if yours is unavailable. This cannot continue this way. You know in your heart something isn't right, otherwise you wouldn't be voicing your doubts right now. Always go with your instincts! And if your mom takes offense, too bad, this is YOUR child, if she loves you and this baby, she'll understand.

This sounds like a difficult situation. I think it is very generous of your mother to offer to look after your baby son at night - it is hard enough for parents to get up all the time, let alone grandparents. However, if you disagree with her techniques (which do sound a little outdated for such a tiny baby), you might want to consider looking for another job with hours more conducive to a daycare setting. Your relationship with your mother may be damaged if you make her feel unappreciated when she is just trying to help you. Hopefully it'll all work out. Good Luck!

I would look for a job during the day. With hours a daycare will come into play. You will be able to get some child care aid from the state that will bring your total payment down allot. The father is responsible for half of all the daycare expenses as well. I would look toward other family members. Like maybe even his family. Be gentle however honest with your mother as to the reasons why you are not leaving Kaiden with her. Maybe in the wake of that she will realize that you are his mother and that she needs to respect that and be the way you want her to be with him. Just as she would of wanted with any sitter that sat with you and your sister when you two were growing up. Seems like your life is not the easiest right now. Many blessings to you. There is a good book called baby whisperer. I would recommend going to the libarary and reading it or purchasing it at a second hand used book store.

K.,
An infant at 5wks old doesn't sleep 4 or more hours. They are still growing and eating like crazy. Sorry but I disagree with your mom. At night he should be able to sleep anywhere from 3-4 hours and then get up to eat. Letting infants cry is okay but to a certain extent. As for putting him down on his tummy... that is a NO DEAL. Babies dies from sids. A baby should be doing tummy time when you are supervising the infant and you only start out at 5 mins and increase up to 20 mins to increase the strength in his arms and upper body. A doctor will tell you that an infant should not be put down on his/her tummy until the baby can roll back and forth from tummy to back. I would sit down with your mom and voice your opinions very strongly - this is your child and she should abide by your wishes. She's had her turn how to raise her kids now it's your turn and she should comply with that. As for her role as a grandma she's entitled to spoil the grandchild but for sleeping time that's your call. Tell her this means alot to you and how you do things is what helps you and him for when you are at home with him - that will only mess him up. If he is used to a certain routine and your mother does something different it will be difficult for him to adjust or mess him up a bit and you and him will pay the price when you do what you normally do with him at night time. Just sit down with her and express your concerns.. if not see if a good friend can help youo out - someone that you trust. Good Luck...L.

K.,
I am by NO means agreeing with your mother about putting your child on his stomach to sleep, but I can say that my mom thought that it was ok to put my son on his tummy to sleep the 1st time she watched him. Your mom's generation was told to put babies on their tummies to sleep, so that's where she is getting her info because she probably put you on your tummy! But, like everyone has said, things have changed! Find some SIDS information to give your mother, and tell her (the best way you can) that you appreciate her willingness to watch your son, but if she doesn't follow the routine that YOU set for YOUR child then you will have to find someone else to watch him! As far as the crying goes, my son also held his breath when he was the same age, he would also gag himself and throw up! My doctor told me that when babies hold their breathe it's their way of manipulating you into picking them up! I paniced and felt the exact same way you did...all I can say is to hang in there and when he realizes that you aren't going to jump everytime he acts that way he will stop, my son did and he is completly normal now!! (no breathe holding anymore)! It's hard, but I'm sure you can do it! Good luck!

Hi K.,

Don't worry about the crying. I am a mom of 4 girls, and crying is a normal development in children. And for your mom wanting to put your son on his stomach, is also normal,( but not for sleeping. Babies should be put to bed on their backs. ) It teaches them to have a stronger neck, and it's also how children learn to crawl. I know he's only a month, but it's called "tummy time".My girls all slept for about 2 hours, and then they were up and ready to be fed again. Since I nursed them, they ate every 2 hours. I did get lucky with my last baby though, she started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, which is usually not normal. They usually will start sleeping about 6 hours or more around 3 months. At this age, most babies are learning that cry/ pickup response. It's all a normal part of growing. With my first child, every time she cried I'd be right on her picking her up, and that led to her sleeping with us until she was 3 years old, and I had just given birth to our second, and that made things a little hard on her because she was so used to having everything her way. By the time my 3rd baby was born, it had gotten easier to let them cry, and she was the easiest at putting her to bed. Now my baby is about to turn 2 in Feb., and I did the same for her. Letting them cry for about 10-15 min. is fine. Sometimes they will soothe themselves, and sometimes you do just need to pick them up and hold them close to you, and let them know that you are still there and that they are safe. So try not to worry too much, things will get better. And just explain to your mom that after a certain amount of time of crying, that you'd like him to be picked up and nuzzeled.
Hope this helps you somewhat. But this is your baby, and should just let your mom know how your feeling, everyone has a differen style of parenting. Babies don't come with instruction booklets. And every baby is different, and need different types of soothing.
Good Luck,
K.

Hi!

Have you talked to your mom about your concerns? One thing that you might try is printing up some research on placing babies on their stomachs to sleep. Since there is a higher SIDS risk she should take this seriously. Have you thought about other alternatives for sitters? Maybe you would feel better if your son was with another family member or another person. Don't feel bad about being concerned this is your son and his well being is your first priority!! Your mom should respect your concerns, and by the way he is only a month old and 4 hours is about right for sleeping at this age. And he is growing everyday which means that he needs more ounces in his feedings.

Good Luck!!
~C.