I got Post Partum Depression to the worst degree possible days after I had my daughter, who is now 17 months old and still am seeking treatment for it even today because it has been such a slow recovery and still is. I take med. and see a therapist which is the diagnosis of overcoming PPD. It has been a very slow recovery process and just when I think things are improving, wham I have a crying spell or panic attack. What makes this worse is that the PPD feelings I still am experiencing....fear, anxiety, depression, overwhelmingness, lonliness, and sadness, have become a part of my life and I'm ready for it all to be gone and over with. I am doing what the specialiized doctors are telling me to do but they said there is no specific time period on recovery. here's the problem though....well two...my mother and my husband..are causing me extreme anxiety due to their constant criticisim and belittling of me as a mother..I would not be able to handle it mentally! Anyway, on top of still going through this and getting better slowly, my husband and my mother stay on me constatnly with crticism. They constantly correct me, tell me I am incapable of caring for her, tell me I'm never going to get better, and constantly drillme about her when she is with me. Like I am mentally handicapped. Help!
I looked at all of the responses from everyone and i had to cross out a couple of options and just confront Tim, in which he never quit unloading dishes while i was talking about MY SANITY! So, I told him that as long as I was around the house when tim was that my mother would not be allowed to see Sophie and that since he would not stand behind me on this and support my right to be treated with respect and not beat down, i told him if i wasn;t around that would be his only chance to run her over there because i was not allowing it. So, what did he do, he takes her over everytime i run to the store or walmart or early in the morning and eats breakfast with her. And I'll never cgange him and can't so I then told him I would no longer accept the verbal abuse and name calling he was dishing out on a daily basis and i would not tolerte it and he would have to leave ( which this will NEVER occur in the presence of Sophie right now until I make some final decisions about me and my daughter. He continues it daily and it has made me numb but i am starting to see a new christian therapist group called heart-life in memephis and they are wonderful. i saved uop$4000 and that will give me 10 months of sessions at $105/hr once a week for 10 months. She said we are going to get me well and independent with some self-worth and she told me to always tellmyself I am a good mother!! So for the time being I cut off all communication with my mom...txtx, voicemails. masnwering machine, letters...........none are read nor listened too and she was informed of that after two weeks of trying to beat me down. she can't stand that i stood up for myself and said"look , you WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME IN A CRITICAL AND DEGRADING AMNNER ANYMORE AND YOU WON'T SEE SOPHIE ON YOUR SCHEDULE. AND I TOLD HER SHE BETTER HOPE TIM WAS OFF WORK ALOT BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY SHE WILL SEE SOPHIE AND IF I HAD TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION SHE WOULD NOT SEE HER AT ALL UNTIL SHE STOPPED DEATING ME DOWN WITH HER WORDS AND CONSTANT CRITICISM. THAT IS IT FOR NOW. PLEASE CONTINUE TO GIVE FEEDBACK AND PRAY FOR ME THAT GOD WILL USE THIS WELL-EDUCATED AND GIFTED THERAPIST WITH PPD EXPERIENCE AND MARRIAGE COUNSELING EXPERIENCE AND i STARTE NEXST THURSDAY. THANKS FOR ALL THE POSITIVE COMMENTS EXCEPT FOR MARTHA P.( TOTALLY THE WRONG ADVICE!
Time to take your husband and Mom to the therapist with you. They are ganging up on you and the therapist needs to see this in order to help you recover.
My friend, I have seen your other posts about this issue and my heart breaks for you every time I read about how you are treated! There doesn't seem to be any end in sight for you.
I think the reason you are so slow to recover is because of the constant beat down you are getting from your husband and mom.
Have you told your doctor or therapist how you are being treated? You are being verbally abused. I have no idea how you can get away from them, but mabey your doctor or someone here can help you with ideas.
I know this is easy for me to say but you have to start somewhere......the next time they say something critical, firmly and calmly say "STOP. I will not accept any more damaging words". And then EVERY time they say something, repeat those same words.
Your husband and mom are BULLIES. Bullies pick on people who are vulnerable. PPD has made you vulnerable but NO MORE. You can be strong and courageous. Don't let them pick on you any more!
Stand strong, girl! Tell someone who can help you about what is going on and walk toward your freedom!
HUGS!!!!!
I agree that your mom and husband should go to some therapy sessions with you. They need to see how harmful their constant bickering at you is. The point is for you to get better and get support in that, not be run down and made to feel worse than you already do.
Talk to your therapist about ways for you to effectively stand up for yourself.
I truly wish you the best.
Might I suggest a vacation for yourself? I would arrange hubby and grandma to take care of baby for 3 or 4 days each while you go and recuperate. Maybe with the day-to-day contact with a toddler they will understand the stress that you are feeling. I would only call when they send you a 911 message if there was an emergency. Give yourself a rest and make them the primary caretakers. I bet they cry "Uncle" before the first couple of days are over.
Good luck,
S.
are you kidding? what does your therapist say? sounds like two very toxic relationships that i would want OUT of my life, if it was me. can you imagine raising your child in this environment? that's not healthy for either of you to be around. no wonder you suffered from such severe PPD. i would talk in depth with your therapist about this. i think this is much bigger than girlfriend chat-type advice, which is all we can give. but if it was me i would get a divorce and tell your mother that if she can't be nice she can take a hike.
it is your child not moms and I would tell them criticizing me isnt helping the situation its only adding fuel to the fire. and tell them to back off if its mom if she cant stop the belittling she is not welcome at your house and if the husband cant stop belittling you dont need him tell him to leave the house. and when he can treat you like an adult then he can come back.
I would ask them if they are the one that needs the therapy not you :) sounds to me like they need it as much if not more than you.
Maybe they need therapy. Let your doctor know what they are doing and saying to you. Maybe your doctor can talk to them and make them understand that they are just making your situation worse.
T.
I am so happy you stood up for yourself and your daughter. You are really a strong confident women. Keep your head high and heart open. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know what its like to have PP. I am so proud to know a women who knows what she needs to do and then does it.
Since you have PPD could it be that they are just concerned about the wellfare of your child? T
here are such horrible stories of mom's that had untreated PPD, and even some that had treatment, that perhaps they are afraid that if they let their guard down, and they let you get stronger that you might have a relapse. Then they would have guilt for the outcome of the relapse because they had let their guard down. Do you see the cycle?
Would it help if you all attended parenting classes together? If not therapy too?
Parenthood is stressful. It is. It can't be denied or avoided. Together as a team you need to figure out a coping mechanism that everyone understands and recognizes for when you are reaching your stress limit.
As for the crying spell and panic attack, are you sure that these are PPD and not just a regular part of womanly hormones? Every month, around that time, I have 1 or 2 nights where I just HAVE to watch a chick flick like Hope Floats, Sleepless in Seatle, or You've Got Mail and just cry. No reason, I just have to do it. After I'm fine and the stress is lessened.
Good luck
M.
Anybody who has never suffered PPD can not fully appreciate how difficult your experience is. And this is also true: as a person who has gone through a difficult passage myself, I can look back and see that my perceptions of other people's attitudes were definitely affected by my mental/chemical state at the time, and it is MUCH harder to take in the possible good intentions of those who give you advice. It's also MUCH easier to hear/believe the worst in those situations.
This will be hard for you, but you can do this if you want to see a positive shift in those relationships: Look your husband and your mother in the eye when they make a negative statement about your mothering, and say "Thank you, I appreciate that you want the best for me and my daughter. Your advice will be more positive helpful to me if you can give kind advice instead of harsh criticism. Will you do that for me, please?"
Take deep breaths before and after your reply. Consider that the intent of their advice is probably to be helpful and not harmful.
If you can take responsibility for that one, discrete piece of these interactions – asking simply and clearly for what you need – you may be amazed at the shift that can happen, both in your own thinking and in the manner in which your mom and husband express what may be quite normal fears and concerns.
My best to you. May you emerge into a sunnier period and enjoy being your daughter's capable mommy.
