I'm looking for tried and true ways to help discipline my 3 1/2 year old. According to both Grandmas, he is fantastic all day, but he turns in to a "different" child as soon as I walk in. Lately he has been testing my husband and I to all levels! We have tried 1-2-3 with time out, taking toys/tv away, sending him to his room, spanking, etc. Nothing seems to work! He is completely unphased by anything we try. Any advice is appreciated!
I recommend getting the book 123-Magic by Thomas Phelan - it goes by the 123 idea and gives examples and scenario descriptions. I had much trouble with my 4 year old boy and the book was recommend to me. All is not perfect, but it definitely helped! Good luck!
Hi S.~
Wow...GREAT creative ideas from the other moms! Kudos! I had one of those, too...didn't care what the punishment was as long as he could do what he wanted (or didn't want). The chore punishment worked for us, too. We discovered that what he hated worse than grounding was cleaning up dog poop (this was a teenager, not a toddler...just to be clear) or raking leaves. I also made him write apologies to people who were affected by his actions (as yours gets older). Good luck! I'll be interested to hear what other ideas pop up on here!
~L.
I agree with the physical labor as part of the punishment. I didn't start this with my son until age four, but my daughter just turned three and I do it with her already because she is of that head strong bread!!! The most common thing that we do now that it is summer is run laps around the garage. When the kids start fighting I make them run a couple of laps and then no one feels like fighting anymore. It has worked wonders with my now five year old son because in timeouts he would just stew and get even more angry. Now he actually takes alot of pride in his running ability!!!
Perhaps you could try to stop "punishing" him.
Discipline and punishment are two completely different things IMO.
You need firm boundaries, and explainations as to why certain things are they way they are.
Natural and logical consequences work well for children his age.
He needs to know if he does XYZ he won't get to do ABC
It's very very likely that he is acting out to get your attention so you might try dropping everything and just loving on him when you get home.
He's not acting out to get in trouble.
Is your son attached to one particular toy? If so then you could try that as leverage. I took a parenting discipline class called love and logic and it is a father and son that have come up with this style of discipline that just works, and what it does is change how we react to what the child does wrong. My two year old boy is very active and wants to do things his way, but everytime he does something wrong we put him in his pack and play (he hasn't managed to get out of that yet) and he hates it, so we say ut oh somebody wants some pack and play time, he starts hugging and kissing me, but now when he does something wrong all i have to do is ask him if he wants packin play time and he stops doing the bad deed...I can't remember their names but the book is called Love and Logic and it has really changed how I react, because all they want to do is test you to see how far they can push you...but ultimately they want to be with you in the same room and having fun with mommy and daddy...this style of discipline and totally helped me...love it!! it might work for you too!
If he is potty trained, try wedgies. I know it sounds stupid, but it worked for my daughter. They got her to stop jumping on the furniture after just a couple of days.
Hi S. - I have a 3 1/2 son also the SAME way! We also, have gone through the same discipline routines, and have been unsucessful. SO, I started putting him to "work". Small tasks, but constant so he gets the hint. Example: I'll have him put away all the toys, his and his sisters, help unload the dishwasher, help set the table, help sort laundry, etc. He loves to help out, but when he's in trouble and I make him stop what he's doing to do chores, he sees it as a discipline, & it seems to be working.
Another thing we do, is simply ignore him. He hates this!! But it works! We just pretend like he's not there, and it really bothers him and he usually says he's sorry right away for what he was doing wrong.
Hope that helps and goodluck!!
Try rewarding him for good behavior. Sit him down and explain to him what is expected of him as a part of your family. As a family we use kind words with eachother, we eat our dinner nicely, we pick up our toys, brush our teeth and go to bed at this time. Include him and ask him what certain things he thinks are important for a family to do. Then, be consistent and always talk about what is expected and how you and daddy do it and how he does it. If you want you can even section off the evening into a few different categories (dinner, playtime, bedtime) give him a sticker/poker chip/or another token and when he gets to a certain number he can trade them in for a toy or a trip to get ice cream or rent a movie something like that. Just try to emphasize that the good behavior is not to get the reward but to be a part of the family...good luck!
That is a tough age, S.! I remember going through the same with BOTH of my kids at that age. I must admit it was much easier the second time around because I had already devised a way to handle it. Thankfully when my first went through this stage a friend suggested I check out the book "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent." It was a lifesaver for me and my husband. The approach teaches parents to keep their cool and use natural consequences so that kids start making better choices for themselves. I highly recommend it!
J. Urbane, The Mentor Mom
http://www.thementormom.com
