Cranky Cranky 2Year Old!!!!!!

Needing attention Mom!!!! #1 Always make eye contact when talking to her #2 Never yell #3 Always smile and find a distraction. I am concerned with the inability to communicate at the age of 2. Have you considered other issues? In any case the first three steps are a must for any child. They should always be implemented. I am a single mother of five ages 4 - 13. I also fervently home school and maintain a business. Want to know more? Just call me. ###-###-####

i do believe that there really are "those" kids that are just that challenging, however i do also believe that it's our job as parents to figure out what DOES work with these more difficult children. my 3 year old is a ray of sunshine, however, he is the most antsy/energetic/yappy kiddo i have ever met - and i hear it all the time. he is incapable of sitting still and any kind of structured activities are a nightmare unless they're less than 30 seconds long! i finally figured out that the only thing that gets him through church is about 20 minutes of crazy loud uninhibited play before hand. otherwise it is impossible to keep him manageable during service. it means getting up earlier but it's worth it - and i have to work with what i got. the thing is to find out what works with each particular child. i agree with the previous post that some one on one time with mommy might be needed, it sounds like maybe whatever techniques you're using just aren't working. talk to her dr, even a therapist, and figure it out. you owe it to her. it could be a million things - her sleep, discipline, who knows. it sounds beyond regular "terrible twos" to me, but one thing for sure, you have to get a handle on it NOW. this isn't something that you can afford to be lazy about, and it sure doesn't sound like it's going to fix itself. my advice would be stick to rules and be 100% consistent in your expectations, making sure to follow through with your discipline, but that may be what you're already doing.

Beyond the other suggestions moms have given about communication and giving attention--Have you tried any homeopathic remedies? Things like Pulsitilla can help w/ mood swings.
Get a homeopathic book and match your childs symptoms to the different remedies. I have a book called Homeopathic Medicine at Home that includes advice for babies and children. Or you can consult w/ a homeopath... I have found homeopathic remedies very effective in my child. The teething tablets work great, and also calm my son down when he's fussy. G'luck

My son had speech delays, so I know how frustrating it can be when they want something and can't communicate it to you. We used the "show me" and had him show me what he wanted. sometimes it helped, sometimes I don't think even he knew what it was that he was after. It is very frustrating to be that small and not be able to communicate so hitting and pinching comes out. She is also heading into the terrible twos which makes this worse. I would evaluate her sleep. Is she getting enough? My daughter could be a real bear at that age, and it was even worse with lack of sleep (I'm talking temper tantrums that lasted hours). Look at her diet and whether there may be pain somewhere else (reflux?). For the hitting and scratching, automatic time out. We had my son evaluated by our local infants and toddlers program. I'm not sure about VA, but they probably have an early intervention service available.

babies aren't blank slates and they definitely come with their own unique personalities, and those personalities don't always jive with ours. that being said, many crabby babies are just desperately trying to communicate and are beyond frustrated at not being able to. kids can sign long before they can talk, it would probably be helpful to teach her some simple sign language to help her get her wants across to you. and you must give her boundaries. having simple reliable rules is not mean or oppressive, it's very comforting for littles to know what lines cannot be crossed. hitting, biting and scratching are unacceptable behaviors and must be met CONSISTENTLY with calm, quiet removal. listen to her carefully, learn her. she's not the same person as your older daughters, and what worked with them won't work with her. even as you're teaching her your language, go the extra mile and learn hers. once you figure out where she's coming from you can figure out coping techniques, not just reactions.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Does she have any language, or is she delayed? My children both were late talkers and had a hard time communicating their frustrations. Speech therapy helped, reading books on emotions, and giving them the words to express their frustrations helped. And, lots of prayer for patience. Doing art projects and baking also helped tremendously. When my baby girl would get really frustrated, she'd calm down doing finger paints or playdough or coloring with me. Modeling calm behavior, speaking in a calm tone--even if you want to yell at the top of your lungs for your child to calm down--also helps. If none of these work, discuss with your pediatrician and request evaluation. Or, call your Department of Education and seek a free evaluation through Infant and Toddler program. I believe each state as an office, and she's almost aging out of that level. Next step is Early Intervention/Child Find, which is for ages 3 and up. Try to get help now, though, because at age 2, I believe specialists will still come to your home for sessions.

On a physical level, sugar is often less a problem than other sensitivities. I was tested for chemical reactions, often in groups that included children, and would watch them transform from calm/cheerful to angry/weeping/hysterical just minutes after tiny amounts of different chemicals were squirted under their tongues.

And I have noticeable mood swings myself (as well as a whole list of physical miseries) when I've been exposed to perfumes and scented products, air fresheners, fabric softeners, pretty much anything that gives off fumes, food additives (colors and preservatives). So it might be worth more investigation in that direction.

If those aren't problems, it sounds like communication could be. You may need to seriously work with your daughter on expressing her needs. If she's not very verbal yet, give her pictures or hand signs to communicate with, and to whatever degree possible, honor her requests, or at least acknowledge what she's asking for. Empathize with her wishes, even if you can't fulfill them. Tell her why not, or when you will get to her wishes.

And do everything you can to be sure she's getting enough sleep, and that low blood sugar isn't triggering these episodes.

This situation won't be solved easily or quickly, M.. Please do remember that your daughter is not trying to make your life miserable. She's expressing her own discomfort or unhappiness, and she needs you to be her advocate.

I too have a high maintenance 2yr old daughter with a temper. She screams so loud, I always thought it was due to parenting, when I saw other peoples' children act out, but I have found from experience this is not the case. I do believe that our children come the way they do, and depending on their interactions/status in the family they could be calm or angry.
My daughter gets upset easily, screams so loudly that I cringe. I have found immediate consistent action is the only way of controlling her outbursts. I have also found she's the only one acting up because she's fighting for her place amongst her siblings, ( a 6yr old brother, 3 yr old brother and 3 yr old sister).
I have discovered by setting alone time with just her and putting her screams into words, so she's not so frustrated by her lack of communication. I know it seems super strange but even if it means going into a counselor with your daughter for advice from them and play therapy, it could help you with patiently playing with her and give you guys special, mommy daughter time.
I hope this helps.

I agree with a lot of the other things I read. My two cents is that my daughter (first-born) was a HUGE handful and I found that a couple of things were necessary. First, prompt, consistent discipline (of your choosing) each time she acts out. I know with more than one kids it's hard to be prompt and consistent, but as much as possible. Be sure you explain in short, simple sentences exactly what she did wrong. Identify the behavior.

Also, be sure you are showing her the RIGHT alternative behavior. Sign language is great for communication if it helps. Not being able to communicate can certainly be frustrating. Just remember she can understand much more than she can express, so as you're teaching her, she will learn.

I cried many days because my daughter did so much screaming and was so willfully disobedient, but my efforts are starting to pay off. At 4, she's much better behaved (although we still have our days or moments), but it's becoming more clear that she is learning the things I've been trying to teach her all this time.

Don't lose heart. If you work on this, it may take some time, but your work will pay off!

hi
have you heard of 'Love and Logic' it teaches parenting tecniques, i have been using it for the past 3 weeks with my 4yr old and is working wonders and also has helped me with my 10yr old :-)
they both for example pick up toys with no effort , bedtime is a breeze and my 4yrd old has not whinned or argued all this weekend and that is something!! . it basically teaches and guides you how to approach and handle situations and also how to avoid confrontations. The class i take are offered at my daughters school, but you may be able to check the website loveandlogic.com ( though my class was not listed) or maybe call them and see if there is a class in your area or even visit the local library and see have they have any books or dvs,cds.
the basic idea is show empthy first then let them know the consequence
you may email me if you like
Good Luck

See the website Hand In Hand Parenting. I think your 2 yr old may need more one on one attention with mom or dad than your others

Try the Discipline Book by Dr. Sears. The original Dr. Sears had a large family and their fourth (?) daughter was really different from the others and needed a different approach.

Food can make a big difference. Some natural foods cause problems if there is an allergy or food intolerance. Feingold.org does a good job of explaining why artificial preservatives, flavors, and colors cause problems, as well as some natural foods that have salicylates, including common kid foods like apple juice, ketchup, grape juice, etc. I changed my family's diet and my oldest son showed remarkable improvement. As he grew older and heavier, he was able to add back these foods with much less impact on behavior.

I don't know much about gluten but some families see dramatic differences after removing gluten from their diets. Other families have improvement after taking out dairy. It's tough to figure out but worth it.

Exercise and sleep can make a huge difference. Some kids need small meals and snacks with protein to stay calm and happy.

Good luck.

You have tons of good advice here, so I'll just encourage you to keep trying things to see what helps. My friend's son didn't "test" allergic to anything he eats, but was in pain. She cut out dairy, that helped. Then she cut out citrus after logging every thing he ate for two weeks. GREAT results. Problem is, he learned some bad behavior along the way that she is constantly working on, but she can tell he's not so baseline upset all the time. Consistent good sleep, signing, consistent discipline, all great things to work on. She definitely needs your help. :)

My second is 19 months and he just came out a much different personality than my first. My first is outgoing and generally a very happy content child. My second is not nearly as outgoing and although happy tends to whine and fuss (and yes sometimes mean) it is rather disturbing to admit but I think similar to me as a baby. My first never was a whiner or fussed. I am constantly amazed at the difference in personality. My second is more reflective and thoughtful in his actions whereas the first jumps right in with both feet. I do not know of any suggestions but wanted to let you know that I have a similar situation. It is challenging.