Cousin Who Thinks I've Wasted My Life

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Dear M P,

Your cousin doesn't realize that there are two sides to a coin. Everyone makes their own decisions in life and what you have accomplished is admirable. What she has done with her life is admirable also, but it is HER life. What you have done with your life is YOUR life and she has no right to judge it. I beleive you should tell her so.

I have a sister that has a masters in phycology. She did not go into practice, she ended up being a SAHM and home schooled her children. My nehpew is now an honor student at a prestigous college in Chicago and has made the Dean's list. He is also a concert pianist and has started playing in the venues around Chicago. My neice is a straight A student and is still in the high school age bracket and my sister is still teaching her. Oh and by the way, my neice is a senior in high school and she is 15. My nephew is a junior and is 18.

The point is that everyone choses what they do in life and your cousin doesn't have the right to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing.

I have had 12 pregnancies with only one live birth. I have a college education too. Someone once asked me why I keep on trying when I could just become successful in business if I put my mind to it. Well, God instilled in me the wanting to raise a family, not to raise a business. That is MY chosen path.

Good luck with your cousin.

E.

One of these days, your cousin will understand that you are more blessed than most to be that stay at home mother to your babies. YOU have the hardest and most important job title of anyone out there. One day, she will understand that those of us who have to work full time in order to raise our children envy you SAHMs.......not someone with the title "entertainment consultant" or "life coach". In the grand scheme of life, her titles mean nothing. Just ignore her ridiculous comments and try to find the humor in them. She really has no clue as to how important your role is. But, one of these days....she'll have children of her own and realize how wrong she's been. Don't think for one more second that you're "wasting" your life! Wasting your life by deciding to be a stay at home mom.........those words just don't even go together! =0)

Hi MP. No you have certainly not wasted your time by going to college and becoming a SAHM. I graduated from college, have a Bachelor's degree in Business Administration and am now a SAHM and am very proud and thankful that I am able to be. Many women work because they have to. Many because they want to. Many of us, myself included, are blessed, yes very blessed, to be able to stay at home and raise our children. To watch them grow and to raise them ourselves instead of letting someone else do it. Not that there is anything wrong with having to put a child in daycare as many mothers are forced to have to do so and some would just rather be working. It often takes two with prices the way they are these days. But I truly believe that the Lord places great emphasis on the family and the family structure and that Motherhood is one of, if not the most, greatest blessings we could possibly obtain in this life. Do not let your cousin or anyone else intimidate you for what you do. Being a SAHM is not an easy job. It is challenging and very rewarding and most of all it is a God given gift and blessing. Careers/jobs, cars, boats, houses, things, etc. will come and go and will always be temporary, but your children will always and forever be your children. You will always be their Mother...eternally! So enjoy your little blessings while they are little! There will be plenty of time to go back to work when and if you get ready to (outside of the home that is). We SAHM's work plenty in my opinion. Your little ones will grow up all too fast and you will always have that degree to fall back on. And one more thing, knowledge is never a waste of one's time! It is indispensible! And I have never in my life heard of anything so absurd as not going to college to give someone else a chance to go??? Don't get that one! I would have to tell my cousin to worry about her entertainment stuff and life coaching or whatever and leave my business to me and leave it at that. Good luck to you MP and enjoy those girls! Life goes by all too quickly!

What kind of lame statement is that?! Many highly educated career women choose to be a SAHM. I know of at least half a dozen myself that have master's degrees that chose to stay at home and raise a family. It's not about what you do with your degree- the important point here is that you got an education and therefore empowered yourself for whatever you choose to do in life. When she has children of her own, she will realize how pretentious her comments to you are. I am a career woman, and now that I have a baby, I think that the SAHMs are the luckiest women in the world and most people looking from the outside in have no idea of the 24/7 commitment and hard work it takes to be a SAHM. You have not wasted your life- you are blessed!

your cousin should have never said that to you. any one without children should just keep there opinions to themselves. i use more of the skills i learned in college as a stay at home mom, than i did working as a nurse. i am now an accountant and financial analyst, im a chef and a seamstress. by the time my children are in school full time i will add to my credentials proofreader, copy editor. by high school i will also be a therapist, life coach and drivers ed teacher. and an added bonus, i get to be a mommy and a friend. what could be better than that?

I daresay that when she has a child, she will change her mind. I got a teaching degree, found that teaching wasn't for me, and worked for years as a secretary. When my second child was born, I was able to be a SAHM for 5 years - the best 5 years of my life. I worked part-time until my second one graduated from high school. I think having a college degree makes one a better parent. After all - you have to help with homework, know where to find information for your child, and an educated person knows the value of reading to children. A college degree is NEVER wasted. It gives you the confidence to say to yourself that if you can get a college degree, you can handle whatever comes along.
Your cousin thinks she knows it all at age 21. She doesn't yet know what she DOESN'T know.

sounds like someone is a little jealous that you can have it all..or that or maybe she isn't as happy with her life as she thought she would be...I say whatever works for your family and makes your family happy...having a degree doesn't guarantee you a job you know..

anyways that is my 2 cents

M.

Hi MP,

It sounds like to me that your cousin has had an fairly easy run in life thus far, and out of this she has built up a form of pride about herself. I believe very strongly in the words the Bible says that the prideful will be brought low.

It is the people who have had hardships in their life that are the strongest regardless of education level! College is not only to help start and build a career, it is to get to know yourself and your goals, broaden your knowledge of the world around you, and the list could go on and on. Because of your education, helping your daughters with their homework will be easier - and again the list could go on and on.

There will come a day where something will happen to this young woman that will in deed destroy this pride. Don't get me wrong, I wish no harm on anyone. But what happens if her husband cheats on her, her best friend starts a vicious rumor that destroys her career and her reputation, she rear ends someone on the way to work and accidently hurts someone very badly. These examples are extreme, but we do not know what life will bring our way. Until we walk in someone elses shoes, especially someone who has had tough life filled with stuggles, we cannot know how we will react and handle things.

Do not take offense to the ramblings of someone who barely has any life experience. If you are happy being a stay-at-home mom, then you did the right thing. One day she will be faced with the decision to have kids or not, stay at home or not, and these words that she's so confident in may come back to bite her in the butt! It's so easy to be idealist at 21. To think the world can be filled with roses and nothing else.

Sometimes I get so frustrated because I think other people's life is so easy while I struggle for everything that I have. But your cousin just reminded me that I have what I have by standing on my own 2 feet, not having everything given to me. I'm a strong woman - AND SO ARE YOU!!!

No u have NOT wasted anything! Going to college isn't just to get a career but to further your learning. U learn nor in college than high school. By going to college u are able to teach those two beautiful little girls of yours more and if they should need help u have the knowledge to do so by going to college. And later when the girls are in school if you want to go back in to the work farce it will make it easier for you to do so. I went to college and I have a full time career as a stay-at-home-mom. Just keep those girls, yourself and family happy. Good Luck.

Girl, your cousin has no idea what she is talking about....and she is a "life coach???"
Just this past tusday, at the local community playgroup I met a mom who is a rocket scientist. At the age 26 she was some kind of manager at NASSA and actually created something(can't even say it, so I will not try to spell:)) that is now being used on the shuttle. Won bunch of awards and was on the history channel. But says that being a SAHM was the most challenging and fulfilling.Wow, she can't even get a part time job in RTP because she is overqualified, and she says that about motherhood.
It's fine if your cousin thinks that this path is for her, but she does not need to be telling other people who choose other way.
When kids are in school full time you will be able to go back to work(if you choose to). I have no college degree(well 2 years..so not compleat), and since I now have to look for jobs due to our finacial situation, my choice of jobs is very slim.

I think your cousin is in denial about her life. Everyone is entitled to get an education...just because you went to college doesn't mean that someone else was not able to go...it means that that person missing out on college was too stupid to go or pass the entrance exam...enrollment is for those that WANT an education.

You have done the right thing. She is just young and ignorant...I can't get over the fact that she thinks you going to school kept someone else from getting into college...I can't wait to tell my husband that one.

Stand tall and be proud....when she decides to have babies you will be getting ready to go back into the working force and will have an education to back it up.

Jen

Hello,
I find that people who put stigma's like that on women is part of why people think they need a "Life Coach"
Instead of following your own heart people tend to want you to do what they think is right for you. Every situation is different and it is unfair for anyone to pass judgement on another.
I am a stay at home mother of 1 and I get the looks and comments about me going to school, working and what ever else is bothering them. I was told that I was wasting my life.
I had to look at them like they were crazy to say such a thing. I only have ONE chance to raise my child. Jobs come and go. I want to look back over her childhood and remember the good times that we had to bond over.
We need more SAHM the world would be in a better place.
Thanks for your time

you've taken on the often thankless job that is without pay to shape the future. you endeavor every day to raise beautiful, thoughtful, productive members of society. only you can be the judge if that's "wasting your life being a SAHM instead of persuing a successful career with your degree". i personally work outside the home, and will continue to do so for multiple reasons, the primary being that we just can't afford for me not to, not because i don't want to stay home. my mom was a SAHM, and the gift of always having her there when i needed her was invaluable. i think the other problem here is that your cousin is only 21 and seems to be under the impression that because she has a college degree and a new job that she knows everything, including what's best for other people. if you are confident in your decision and comfortable with your situation-- don't let it get to you. there are always people who think that staying home is easy, and "any idiot" could do it. hopefully in time, your cousin will come to appreciate all the hard work you do. chin up, and love on your girls!
good luck!

She may be your cousin, but she certainly isn't your friend! People like that you don't need in your life. Of course you're not wasting your life or your degree! You got a degree to enrich yourself, and everyone is entitled to do that. You have chosen your path out of great consideration. She has chosen hers out of spite, it seems. It doesn't sound like she'll be a very good life coach (what is that anyway? sounds like someone wanting to play mama to grown-ups- no offense to any life coaches out there). Don't let her stress you out. Being a SAHM is a HARD job, but very rewarding. Probably something she couldn't do.

I've done it all. I went to college out of high school, became a mom right away, finished college, worked for a few years, had more kids, stayed at home for several years (which sure was tight on money, but I learned how to be thrifty like nobody's business!), went back to college for a 2nd degree, and now work full-time. Honestly, I miss staying at home with my kids. But now I'm a single parent, so I really have no choice. Let me tell you, if I were somehow independently wealthy, I'd be at home with my kids. Nothing beats watching them grow up! Good luck!

Good Morning MP, Don't worry! You have it all! You have made the choices in life that you are happiest with! You can raise your children and have a career afterwards IF that is what you want. Some people don't understand the sweet caress of a child's touch, and the fullness of your heart that almost explodes when you hold them. No one understands such love unless they are a mother. Let your cousin be happy with her choices, but she should respect you for yours. Give her time, she'll understand later in life what it's all about. God gave us children to be a blessing to us, and indeed they are. Any problems that arise in life are issues that everyone deals with. Your education is never a waste. There are many well-informed, educated women AND men who choose a different path after college. College helps you make choices..Be happy with yours and don't let anyone steal your dreams!!

Hi MP,

You can tell your cousin that you obtained a degree to put to use when you decide to NOT her! Life Coach at 21??? lol Be serious!
What EXACTLY would she know of life and it's struggles when she couldn't even sit at a bar legally until this year? Anyone older than your cousin would not take coaching lessons on life from her! She needs to be taking them from us. lol
A degree can be put into play at any time, a child cannot be made for all the years of your life.

Finally, Ask her, which one of the people that she helps coordinate entertainment events for does she think will be there for her when she is 70?! OOOH, that's right, she's so young and delusional that she believes she never will be in that position, right? AHH to be so young and naive!

It's YOUR life live it and tell her to keep all insinuations of your life out of her blog.

Good Luck to you and thank God she's a cousin and not a closer relative!

Hello M P

Firstly,without being so outrightly disrespectful,your cousin at age 21 has no business being a "life coach" because frankly she has not been on this planet long enough to have gained enough of "life's experiences" to impart advice onto others.
Having said that,for a young lady who has a degree she needs to realize that it was the women and mothers in our past who fought so very hard to give future generations of women the right to an education.
As for you,as a woman and mother you life will be so enriched by your beautiful children that it can and will only serve to make you a far more well rounded and empathetic person,who will continue to learn from your everyday life experiences .Maybe in a year or two when your cousin starts her family you will have the last laugh.
And remember,your education and degree can never ever be taken away from you.I do not know you nor your cousin,but I do know who is the more responsible of the two!
Enjoy your children,soak up every minute of their childhood because they really are precious times.
Best of luck to you.

Your cousin is wrong. One of the most important (if not the most important) jobs/careers in the world is motherhood. God designed it that way. He didn't tell us to go out and make careers - He commanded us to go out and mulitiply. Last time I checked a mama was needed for that. (Granted, it was commanded when the earth wasn't as populated as it is now, but marriage and the family were instituted by God - didn't notice any career fields included in that covenant). Who knows what your precious children could grow up to become? They could be one of the doctors or career people your cousin spoke of. By the way, if anyone attends college regardless of their career choice, how in the world is it stopping someone else from attending? That's the most ridiculous thing I have heard lately. Go hug your children and know that you are blessed and your dear cousin is ignorant. Love, A. (PS I was a stay at home mom and now that my kids are older, I have a career - I am a broker in charge at a real estate firm, and I still work from home so I can be with them - tell your cousin that).

i don't believe you wasted you life. i went to college and am now a licenced hairstylist. i love whta i do, but i'd give anything to be a sahm to my little girl and the baby boy that's due in august. i work because i have to and not cause i want to. financially, it's just not in the cards for me to stay home. and jsut becasue you stay home now, doesn't mean you might not want to pursue your career when you kids are older and in school. and you certainly have not hindered any one else from furthering thier education either. if some one wants to go to college, then they will find a way to go...loans, grants, scholarships, etc. sounds to me like your cousin is a bit jealous of you. maybe you are living the life she wishes she could have. i'd tell her..."i love you and i'm sorry you feel like i've wasted my life, but i am very happy with the way it turned out."