Couples Advice

So the sex is great but you have nothing to talk about after. That's not a relationship, it's a booty call.

You're in lust, not deep love. You are a sex buddy. That's not a relationship. That chemistry will fly out the window, when you actually try to have an adult relationship. Then, you will be left with nothing. You don't love is heart, you love the booty call. What are you, 20?

If you're making your kids involved in this relationship, you are making a huge mistake.

Sounds like lust, not love. Enjoy it for now, but don't be one of those women who thinks "he'll change" eventually. You either get along well and have at least SOME things in common or you don't, there's no forcing that. Sex is good and important, for sure, but it won't sustain a relationship in the long run. Think about the other things that matter: kids, money, work, hobbies, religion, etc. How can you really build a life with a man you can't agree on anything with?

This only qualifies as a relationship in high school.

Doesn't sound like the foundations for a strong and healthy relationship. No ma'am, you need to move on. You have kids, so it's not just about feeling insane chemistry. Think with your head, not with your hormones.

So pretty much this guy makes you wet and you equate that with love? Sorry I know that is harsh but any relationship based on a physical attraction only, which this clearly is!, is doomed to fail!

Don't put your kids through that. Grow up and find a real relationship.
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I have read this a few times and I don't even see a relationship here. Every time you say anything about love or heart, it is describing sex. "extremely attracted to each other...deep love" "love your partner's heart..chemistry is just insane" You can't seem to speak of any love without the caveat, the sex is great and we want it all the time.

Another way to look at this, his dick falls off, what do you have left? Would you see that as a relationship if all you do is argue and fight?

Lie to me if you must but tell me this isn't your youngest's father that you are trying to find legal means to keep him from immunizing his own child?

Those kinds of relationships burn hot and then they fizzle away. Nothing wrong with that. But I wouldn't think of it as a long-term thing. And if it's not going to last, the less time the guy spends with your kids, the better.

Sorry, SingleMom, but I wouldn't put my kids through being around all that arguing and squabbling over every.little.thing.

Said as a woman who has divorced this sort of man: chemistry is great, but if, at the beginning of a relationship, no one is willing to budge and the adults need to fight to get their own way, you have two choices: intense couples counseling, or split up. Either you both learn how to deal with compromise, learn how to ask for you what you need and to respond to the needs and desires of the others in an emotionally mature way, or you need to let this guy go.

Perhaps this is going to sound jaded, but chemistry-shemistry. Chemistry is great to get a relationship through the first little while, but it is not enough. It is, however, great for bringing a baby into the picture and lordy, if you two can't get on the same page about what to eat or what to watch, raising a child together is going to be a mess. Parenting is all about compromise and being on the same page as the other parent. Can you imagine co-parenting with this guy? (I'm not saying that would be a fantastic idea, since you aren't engaged or married yet.) Can you imagine co-parenting with this guy after you have broken up because you can't agree on *anything*, just as you said?

If you are serious about a long term relationship, you owe it to everyone to get some couples counseling. Figure out a way to find what 'feels' fair (nothing is ever, truly 'fair') for both of you. If you or he are not interested in improving that part of your relationship, then break up now. It's not fair to everyone else around you to deal with the disagreements. I know that, for my son, I want to model mostly matrimonial harmony. We do disagree from time to time, but stay respectful as we do, and 90% of the time, neither one of us cares so strongly about something as to have to argue about it. It is important for kids to see us working out our disagreements in healthy and respectful ways (this is how they learn to do it), but if there is constant disagreement-- that's only shows them that everything needs to be big deal. I know I couldn't put my son through something like that. He deserves better. Your kids do, too.

Of course we have no way of knowing, however, what you've described in one small paragraph doesn't sound like love or a relationship. It sounds like lust. How long have you been together?

In many cases, opposites to attract and have long term loving relationships. However, these relationships consist of respect, communication and compromising which seems to be lacking in this situation.

You should get out of this relationship NOW.

I do not have first hand experience with this in MY relationship. But my BIL had a similar type relationship with his ex-wife. (Ex being the operative word). He used to ask me how my husband (his brother) and I decided on things like our furniture and what car to buy, because he and his wife argued about everything and never agreed or had the same taste in such things.

Well, my husband and I happen to be pretty compatible. And where we don't agree on things, is generally on things that don't matter in the big scheme of things. And that is no small thing to take notice of.

Sounds like, from your short description, that you argue just to have your way--not because whatever you are arguing over really matters. Whatever will you do when you actually have something that is important come up?
You really argue over what movie to go see? That is just nonsense. Selfishness, really. Neither of you is willing to let the other one have their way, is willing to give in to please the other person, over something as trivial as choosing a movie. Or dinner. ??
Sorry... but I agree with the poster before me. Sounds like you both have some growing up to do.

Honestly, there is nothing in your post that makes me think you have a shot at a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Nothing. Your next to last line ("Where it's constantly a fight just to have things your way occasionally?") speaks volumes! If he never wants to please you, and always wants his way, just go ahead and get out now. Save yourself (and possible future offspring) the grief. And if YOU are the one that is being the obstinate one every time, then grow up and realize that being in an equal partnership relationship, and showing love to another person means that you do things to make them happy, even if it isn't what you would do otherwise, and even if it doesn't make you happy. It should make you happy to make him happy--and vice versa.

Yes, the poster before me summed it up well: sounds like lust, and nothing more.

You "fight" over food and movies? That is not a good sign. Fights shouldn't be about such trivial things. One or both of you needs to mature.

Do you have a better example than food and movies? Because differences in preference about things like that are common, it's just that most people know how to compromise.

If the two of you don't know how to say, "Honey, last time I chose the movie, so this time it's your turn," or "How about we have pizza tonight and chicken tomorrow," then you both really need to start learning to be a little more kind and conciliatory with each other.

Ditto Momof2girls. Sounds like what's holding you together is good sex. After awhile, that won't be enough.

Even if you don't get out now, hopefully you won't have children with him because this relationship sounds like it's destine to fail. Don't let your kids get really attached for their sakes.

My husband and I are about as different as two people come...and we keep the peace by truly trying to see the world through our partner's eyes, giving each other the benefit of the doubt, knowing our partner is not going to change and accepting and loving each other as we are today.

We have to work extra hard to show each other we care, because the things I need to feel loved are different than the things he needs etc...so feeling loved, understood and cared for do not come naturally in our relationship...but those feelings and mutual respect are there...we just have to work at finding ways to express them, so that they resonate with the other person.

It's work, but isn't everything worth having? :)

On the plus side, we have an incredibly rich and diverse life together. We expose one another to things/experiences/people/perspectives we would never have come across on our own.

I consider myself lucky...and happily married.

I reread this a couple of times. You have a great relationship. At first I thought you were going to announce a love addiction and then I looked and listened to what you were saying. You BOTH try to overcome these differences and reach compromises and you BOTH are madly in love. Two people are not twins. They do not think alike day and night. If he expects you to do something against your moral values or harm someone or something that is different. But some of the most passionate romances have some very different thinking going on. So who would figure that an older woman would marry a younger man-and stay married for over eighteen years and THEY didn't start out speaking the same language? Oh, that's me!! go figure-it's LOVE. ENjoy!!!!!

Guess opposites attract! My husband and I are polar opposites. We have been married 38 years.