Coping Strategies for Ugly Relationship with Baby-Daddy

My advice to you is to not react to them. To not respond in any way. Always gear your conversations concerning your child to only the father and no one else. If you have to talk to someone else in his family make sure it's only about the child. If I were you, have someone else with you to be a witness. If they send you emails, letters or whatever, save it. Document everything. If they happen to call, let it go to voicemail so they can leave a message if they choose. If they do and they have a legitimate question or concern, return their call but either have a witness there while you have them on speaker or record the conversation. Tell them before hand that you are recording the conversation. If they choose not to be recorded, hang up. You have to protect yourself. We have to do this unfortunately with my pyscho stepdaughter who is determined to destroy us (she has freely admitted this to be true). You can block their email addresses from your email or simply change your email and do not allow them to have it. Block them for facebook, myspace or whatever as well. This includes the father. You are only required to provide him your contact information, phone and address. No need for him to have the other information. Block them completely from ever contacting you. If you don't react or reply they will eventually back off. You can't allow them to get to you. If I allowed my stepdaughter to get to me, I wouldn't be sane nor would I be here. Don't allow them to have that power of you. It may come to a point where you have to request some sort of no contact order and in order to do so, you will need to have proof of the harrassment. So document and keep everything they send to you. I've blocked our pyscho from contacting me on the internet completely. The only avenue she has to contact us is in writing which is fine because that just helps our case againist her. Do whatever it takes to protect you and your child. You do not need this stress. Take the power away from them. The sooner you realize you have that capability the happier you will be. Good luck!

you just don't respond to the b.s. you let them create drama and don't reply, or give them any sign that it 'bothers' you. that will just keep them at it. and is there some kind of court documents with visitation, child support? if so, hopefully it is detailed enough that there really isn't that much that you have to talk about. my husband and i both have ex's we have to deal with and we really try to pick our battles with them. just keep doing the best you can with your child and hope that they lay off. it is hard. but you really just have to decide you are not going to fight about every little thing and then don't do it. its tough, i know. i hope you find something that will work for you. best wishes!

Make sure you socialize with other Moms & babies it will help you feel less alone. I believe A.K.C.'s MOM has the right idea.

If you are on Twitter or Facebook don't use your straight name. Change your name and give the one you use to your birth family and your friends. Tell them to please not give it out. Go back to your maiden name on all your documents.
My daughter's court agreement is that no one is allowed to be critical of the other parent. If his family continues to do what they do petition the court for him and his family to have less time with your child.
It worked for my daughter. I will contact you or amend this post when I talk to her as her ex cannot directly send her an e-mail it has to be through a registered agency. Otherwise he berates and curses her in ever one of his notes.
Now keep a record a special book of what the family says or posts about you. Make copies of anything on the or in any written form and keep them. These are good valid documents when you go to court.
My former son-in-law lost his midweek visit, has limited phone contact 20 minutes three days a week, and lost a weekend per month for his attacks.

Why don't you save all the messages, emails etc and bring them to your lawyer. He might be able to take that to the judge and change the custody (or at least threaten to..) or maybe even a restraining order.. I know they are coming out with all these laws on cyber bullying so call the police and ask them about it. If that stuff doesn't actually go through at least you can show you're serious about it stopping and maybe they'll quit. Good luck.

The best way to deal with this although difficult is to just stop responding. At first it will make them more angry, but eventually they will stop. They are looking to incite a response from you and every time you do so it feeds their desire to say more hurtful things. The only way to stop the cycle is to stop responding.

Mzkitty has the right idea! It takes two to fight. Don't fight. Don't say anything to them. Perhaps have him pick her up for visits at a neutral place with a neutral party present. Not you. There are few reasons you have to have contact with him if you set it up without contact. For example communicate thru e-mail. No phone calls.

Ideally, you could arrange all contact thru an attorney but perhaps you can't afford that. I'd ask Legal Aid if they can provide such a service.

I know that people here can provide for pick up and drop off at a children's home. Doing so does involve a small fee. You could make arrangements with a friend. If you go to church someone from the church may be willing to do this for you.

If you can't arrange for a third person to do this, at least, have pick up and drop off at a public place.

And tell yourself that you will never respond to anything that the other family says. Nor make comments to them about what they do unless it's dangerous for your child.

I suggest that they will eventually stop their sniping if they don't get a raise out of you. Remember you don't have to prove anything to them. Also, if they report you as a bad mother to authorities, you know you're a good mother and don't have anything to fear from them.

Decide these sh*** things being said, mean nothing to you. Tell yourself this means nothing to me & don't spend any energy on things that don't mean anything to you. We can control the way we receive things being said or done to us. It's hard but with this practice you will find it means nothing to you & therefor will not effect you. I know easier said then done, but well worth doing! I have been divorced for 4 years now & this kinda sh** was constant at first then gradually tapered off. With him, I would end the conversation immediately when he would act this way, I would say "Have a good day, bye" & hang up. As far as his family, we live in a small town & they do occasionally talk sh** still after all this time. The beauty of life is change is a given & eventually this will pass, hang in there, feel good about you, they only talk sh** to avoid dealing with themselves, so bless them & wish for better for them, & know that what they spew is not truth.