Continue with CIO? If Not, Now What?

Have you tried laying on the floor in his room and reminding him it is nap time or patting his back? If this does work the gradually move close to the door each day and soonner or later he will realize that it is nap time and that you will come back for him. Also have you tried music in his room or letting him sleep with a special toy? Just a few ideas I thought might help. Good Luck!

CIO never worked for me for either one of my kids and ended up torturing all of us. It worked like a charm at night. I tried laying in MY bed with my kids until they were asleep and it worked. Now they both sleep in their own rooms for nap and sleep 2-3 hours a day. Being a mom is all about sacrifice and trying things that you are ALL OK with. Trying to 'hurry' things for a new baby won't always work and you may end up deciding that sleeping on you, though physically not OK for you, makes everyone in a better mood.

a book by gary ezzo called babywise would totally work if you stick to it. it does involve some cio, but there's so much more involved. give it a try. it worked for four of my five children. with the first one, i had no idea of the book, so that's the only reason it didn't work. ;)

He's probably going through a sleep regression, teething and about to do a new trick, more talking or whatever all at once.

I think you mentioned he has been a bad sleeper since birth. I would highly recommend seeing an Osteopath as soon as possible so this can be more resolved before the next one comes along. He may simply need a cranial sacral adjustment. Trust me, seeing a cranial sacral person works WONDERS!! In Tucson see Dr. Thersea Cisler.

Here's another idea to try after seeing the cranial sacral person or to try first what ever works for you.

Try a transition type of method. Go in and put him in the crib and then have him lay down. You bend down or sit on a stool and pat the CRIB mattress NOT the child.

He will be able to look at you, which allows him to be less freaked out. DO NOT talk to him. Each time he gets up, stand up and lay him down, then return to patting the mattress. If looking at him while patting the mattress makes him stay awake, then look away. Do this until he falls asleep.

When you do this repeatedly this becomes the way it is, and he will, hopefully fall asleep.
Then as time goes by he should trust, and you can pat the CRIB mattress less and less.

Good Luck, S. from ProActive Parenting, www.proactiveparenting.net

When was the last time you took him to the doctor? You said he had been sick right? My oldest always had issues with ear infections so I just wanted to make sure that you've seen his pediatrician to check his ears out. Even if you went 4 days ago, I would take him again just to make sure. Especially if he still has some cold symptoms. Then if you're sure he is well I would definately continue with letting him cry it out. I know it is horrible. My first boy took to it right away at 4 months. My second just was different. It took a good 3-4 weeks to get it figured out. During that time he was doing the same thing that your son is doing, taking 30 minute naps or barely anything at all. That makes for such long and tiring days! They are just willing to put up a fight :) My littlest one wouldn't nap on me either. When are you putting him down for a nap and is he on just one nap? If so, maybe try putting him down a little earlier before he is overly tired. Also, when he wakes up after only taking a short nap let him cry it out again to see if he will go back to sleep on his own. Does he have anything that he can snuggle in his bed? Like a blanket or snuggly? You could spray it with something that smells like you too. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Hi! I am 58 years old with a 27 year old daughter and a 23 year old son, but I do have a pretty good memory! :) Neither of my kids napped much. I used to try to swaddle them as infants, but no luck. I was a ghostwriter when they were 4 and a baby and wrote from 9 at night to 3 a.m. I was lucky to then stay at home with them, but I was exhausted during the day. Since the house was babyproofed, I would lock them in their bedroom with me and tell them they did not have to sleep, but I needed a nap. They played quietly by my side, reading, getting toys, etc. (They both walked, could get things. I had a snack there, too.) About an hour later, I would wake up and they would be asleep. Worked wonders for me. I do not know what the CIO and STTN stand for, but this was my solution. Good luck! With your wonderful, lively boy snd the new baby. (My 23 year old has never slept well and if I had not done what I did, who knows what might have happened to me! :) Love, R.

This was our situation too--the trick for us was to go down to one longer nap per day. It took 2 days of 45 min CIO for naps and bedtime AFTER we went down to one nap. Before that, sleeptime was a nightmare!!!!!! Now, our daughter is like a different child! She even points to her crib sometimes if she doesn't want another story.

I had a similar problem with my daugther to. I used to nurse to sleep and she would not sleep anywhere but on me. I did this until she was over a year old because the cry it out method just did not work for me and I could not sit and let her cry for hours alone. I finally found a book called "Good Night Sleep Tight" that is wonderful. It is a little bit of an alternative to CIO. Do not get me wrong, I had to be tough and stick with it to make it work but I eventually got my child to take a nap in her own bed and sleep at night. My child has never been a good sleeper and still gets up at least once a night, but I deal with it because it is better than three, four and five times.

I think that what ever method you choose, you need to just stick with it. It is hard but you will be relieved in the end. I will do things completely different with my next child.

My first baby was not a napper either. We finally reaqched the end of our rope and here is what worked for us to get him to nap: First, we read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which really helped us understand what his sleep needs were. To actually "nap train" him, we decided that an hour was a reasonable length of nap. We developed a naptime routine (nothing major, just diaper change, nurse, cuddle for a few minutes) and put him in his crib awake after. Then, we'd just let him cry for the hour that was naptime. At first, we would go to him at intervals but it worked our little guy up so we stopped doing that. After the hour of naptime was over, we'd get him out of his bed and continue as normal playing, eating, etc. Then when the next naptime came along, we did it again. Initially, he'd cry for the entire time. Slowly, he would fall asleep at some point. When that happened, we'd let him sleep as long as he wanted. After a few days, he would fall asleep shortly after we put him down and would generally sleep for more than hour! It felt like a miracle! He's now 2.75 years old and is still a great napper and sleeper. I hope you find something that works for you and congrats on your soon to be new baby!

I really feel for you in this tough situation! A friend recommended "Solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr. Ferber, and it was EXTREMELY helpful to us! Walks you through step by step. (Our son was two, but it has info about all age children.) We started seeing results after two nights. Here's a link so you can see it, and I think the libraries have it as well. http://books.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=s... . I'd get this book ASAP and try the methods. You might also consult with his pediatrician. Good luck, hang in there!

If it's not working, DON'T DO IT! He's obviously feeling traumatized from this. I do think it's hilarious that people say "Don't rock your child to sleep, don't nurse them to sleep," blah blah blah. Wow. Funny I did that with my kids and they sleep very well on their own, at at developmentally appropriate time, not when books or doctors say they should. If a child NEEDS something to go do sleep, then by all means do it! We live in a sleep-obsessed society where yes, a child needs healthy amounts of sleep but you can't force or make a child to conform to adult standards of sleep when they aren't even close to adults yet. This has saved me so many times with a 3 year old and a now six-month old. I can't say what will work, but I do second craniosacral, Elizabeth Pantley's books, and Good Night, Sleep TIght did help me with my son and helped me re-learn the way I think about and approach sleep.

If it's not working, I would stop. If it feels wrong, stop. I'd go on amazon.com or to the library and get the No Cry Sleep SOlution by Elizabeth Pantly. It's an AMAZING book and has a very set plan on how to accomplish the very thing you want to in a loving and gentle way. I'll put the link below... You should never feel bad about rocking and loving your little one. The time passes all too fast. Enjoy each and every moment with them! It's ok for him to need you and want you, you mean the world to him! When he's 20, will you say, "man, I wish he would have learned to fall asleep on his own faster", or "I'm so glad I took every second I could to be close to him"?

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

Laura,

You should definitely plot a different course with your son. If something isn't working, you try something different, right? And, you yourself have described this method as torture. Every child doesn't have the temperament to withstand CIO-I'd say most of them don't, some just give in sooner because they're exhausted. But, my friend, your son has made it pretty clear that this is not going to work with him and you might consider respecting him in this. In fact, at this point, you might get the exact opposite of what you want-he might refuse to nap altogether. Holding your child while he or she naps is not establishing a bad habit-it's a nurturing, loving thing to do, so stop kicking yourself in the bum over that. If you feel that napping is important for him, hold him for now. Letting him cry until he falls asleep sitting up can't feel good for you or for him. Put him in the car and drive around, if you must. The idea that one method should work for every child is anathema to the idea that all children are different, which we would all almost certainly agree upon. I think sometimes as parents we try too hard to force our children to submit to our needs and ignore theirs in the process. One thing is sure, your son does not have the temperament for CIO, so I'd stop immediately. Good luck-if only they came with instructions, right? If you respond to him from a place of pure compassion and love, you'll know what to do...

Take care,

A.

Hi Laura, The very best advice I got when I was pregnant was "DO NOT rock your baby to sleep, let them learn to sleep themselves". I followed this advice and today at ages 9 and 6, they still sleep 10 hours straight at night and have done so since birth! I would put them down IN THEIR OWN CRIBS fully awake for naps and bedtime, and they would put themselves to sleep. I also let them sleep in their pack and play when we were out and about and when the TV was on, talking on the phone, etc. so they slept when it was noisy too. Lucky me...I know this doesn't help with your current situation and I have no idea how you can fix it...hope other moms can help with that...but for #2...I'm sure you will do things differently! I wish you the best of luck!