Ok, so when I post a question, or advice, I do often get people telling me Im doing it wrong, or a better way to do it. Thats awesome! Thats what Im here for. I mean, yeah, its great when everyone agrees with me, Im just like "go me!" but when they dont, I think about it and im like hmmm, you know what, I didnt look at it like that, thanks for the advice!
Lately when I answer someone, I DO consider their feelings and if I disagree with them, I do it in a tactful manner and try to be as polite as possible. Just my way of trying to be a better person, Youre Welcome. :)
Noooo Im not claiming to be perfect, some responses are downright rude and I will share a few words on how I feel about that. But if someone actually took the time out to make me see a different side or to be more openminded, again, I appreciate that.
The reason I say this is a just received a few flowers from a post and read the "What happened" and basically anyone that disagreed with her, she was all over! Her what happened was longer than her actual question!
I have seen lots of personal attacks here, which I do not agree with, but for the most part, cant we all just get along and accept some constructive Criticism??
I mean, after all, we are asking questions!
While we are at it...can we not report someone when they answer a question honestly. Like...do you say the "F" word? So, the person says, "YUP! I say, FU(K and then they get reported...even after 10 flowers! Geesh.
HAHA, YOU'RE WELCOME!! ;)
No kidding, I agree... the whole point of asking on a public forum is to hear things you haven't thought of before. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. If I'm right, but you have a better way of doing something, let me know!
But don't ask for my view and then tell me I'm wrong... that makes YOU wrong!
And don't send me a PM and tell me I'm wrong (actually, I'd prefer a PM vs the looney's who keep updating the SWH, that's a sure fire way to get a PM from me), but geez, be a grown up, don't say something over the internet you would never say to my face!
I know I'm incredibly blunt and don't sugar coat... but it's all in tough love, no hard feelings! If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, I'll call it out!
just this morning, I answered a question about co-sleeping. I clearly stated that I was against it & apologized in advance for hurting anyone's feelings. I also acknowledged that this was my opinion only.....& was aware that others may disagree.
That is what this forum has become.....a constant battle of teenaged angst. Opinions such as mine....always garner a deluge of "mouthing off" whether it be in latter posts or in PMs. So Sad.
I'm very thankful that you posted this today. Thank You! My motto is: if you're asking, then you better be ready for my honest answer. I will not "wipe your ...." just to agree with you. That's not my job in life. You ask, I will answer. Rude & crude....but also very honest!
Yeah....I don't see the point of asking ONLY for responses that are in agreement...and sometimes I don't agree.
Maybe, just maybe, if ya listen to another perspective, you might FEEL differently when you re-read what you've written.
My personal favorites? When a clear statement is written and then the poster swears up and down that it was "taken the wrong way"!
If it's only a "rah-rah cheer leading" party, why post at all?
Molly:
There's a difference between constructive criticism and a personal attack. However, some people take constructive criticism as a personal attack. They only want to hear that they were right, their actions were right, etc.
I am like you and consider the other person's feelings - I know some don't believe that - but I do. I am blunt. I am a mama bear. There are women on here that I care deeply for and haven't met them yet in person but have spoken to them on the phone. I am protective of my friends.
It's been VERY quiet on here for the past few weeks. After a few trolls and some other stuff - it's been good. Respectful. Playful. Fun.
Just remember there are some people who thrive on drama, Molly. If they don't get it - they create it...
The "can't we all just get a long" question is as old as the hills, certainly as old as this website. Sadly, I don't think that we can. We can't all just get along, because people's feelings get hurt, buttons get pushed, nerves are exposed. In the real world, we don't like everyone we meet, not everyone likes us, and there are definitely individuals we wouldn't share problems and secrets with. Some people are posting about things that make them feel very very vulnerable, and we can't control how they take things. We can't because we are all different and have different levels of tolerance for kindness, what seems rude to me seems "blunt" or "honest" to someone else. We can't all agree on those very fine lines, because it's a matter of perspective. We'd all do better to simply let go of the answers that get our hackles up, ignore the ones that are too bitter to swallow, and focus instead on the answers that DO speak to us.
I've had some moments where answers to my posts got me mad, but I worked hard to blow them off and not engage in an argument about it. Why bother, if something else was helpful, isn't my energy better spent on thanking that person/people, and then putting the advice into action?
Whataya tryin' to say Molly? Careful, you might hurt my FEEELINGS!
;)
I think it's much easier to react in the virtual world than the "real" one. How many times have we hit send on an e-mail that we regret. Maybe we should take virtual "time outs!" LOL
Agreed, I often don't agree with a response. Intentions are what matters. I will send a flower for even my disagreed with answers.
the last few answers i have given have been met with 'no, but you didn't understand what i was saying...'
stuff like that.
i made an incorrect statement in one of those, and one woman, not the original poster, sent me a nice pm pointing out my error. i appreciate that. ubt if you have something negative to say about my answer, please don't bother because i truly don't care.
in the Real world? no
in the cyber world? H-e-llllll NO... much to fun to put on my keyboard gloves and bop a few women around for fun. Na na na boo boo
really, in all seriousness, I do try to be constructive and non judgmental, and then my human cells kick in and that devil on my shoulder takes hold and I get all whack on a person. Sorry. :(
I've actually seen some people behaving pretty badly at times....calling names and saying hurtful things. THOSE are personal attacks? and don't belong on here. I find that if I read a post, and I just have anything nice to say about it, or I completely disagree with the person to the point I get worked up about it, no way do I answer....it'll never go right, ya know? People on here are looking for reassurance, or mild disagreements or even a simple "I think you're wrong" and why. They aren't looking for someone to say things like "I think you are selfish" and "Glad I'm not your friend..." you know?
Great points, Molly. While no one should write an answer that's just cruel, people who post also should not write posts if they only want to hear what they want to hear and nothing else. Sometimes you can tell by the way a post is written that the poster doesn't want to hear anything other than a certain viewpoint -- people are looking for validation of what they already feel and think, rather than discussion. Then, when they get differing viewpoints, they take it as an attack. Maybe there should be a way in Mamapedia to have non-question "blog"-like statements, vents, rants, whatever folks choose to call it, in another area where they will be safe from any comments!
I agree...but I think sometimes it's really easy to take things personally when it comes to parenting. I was trying to explain to my husband the other day...when the kids struggle...it's hard for me to not blame myself and really beat myself up over it (I think I confused him). I think some responses sometimes say things that either add to that...or are just repeating the same negative things a mom is already saying to herself...and that doesn't help anybody :/. I try to be open-minded and let it not bother me...and honestly, sometimes it's the more 'brutal' responses that really help...but I also try to ask myself, "How would I feel if I was going through this problem, and somebody responded this way" when I'm typing up my response.
