Constant Fighting/bickering

I have identical twin daughters whom we adopted just before their 6th birthday...every thing was a challenge at first but my husband came up with the idea of even and odd days. They picked what the wanted (if they hadn't been able to decide we would have had them draw out of a hat). Whoever's day it is go go first settles EVERYTHING...fight over TV show...who's day, fight over clothes...who's day to go first. This has worked beautifully for us, they had such a terrible foster home life that created such a competion between them the argued with me about who's hair got brushed first! Who's day controls it all...who showers first...who feeds the dogs...who gets their hair cut first at the stylist...and they cannot give up their day. But we remind them that the other one will be going first the next day so they should be careful how they treat each other. Hope this helps...they are now 13 and it still works!

My boys are 14 months apart, so I know how you feel with that one. Although, my boys didn't start fighting though until they were twice their age.

I use a parenting technique called Love and Logic. It's awesome and a fun way to parent. I would get the book from a local library or look at bookstores or look at www.loveandlogic.com to purchase.

There are several small things that I do when my boys start to argue. But then, they are used to my love and logic ways now, so I don't have to 'spell it out to them' anymore. What I would use is an 'energy drain'. They'll eventually understand that when mom has an energy drain (which you actually do! lol), then it's chore time for them or whatever they come up with to help you get your energy back. When they fight, you'll say something like "I think I feel an energy drain coming on. Your fighting is draining my energy." (Be sincere. No yelling. Very important.) Then if they continue, you'll interupt and ask them how they are going to help you get your energy back that they've drained from all of their fighting. Make them think of what they need to do. They need to help do YOUR CHORES, not theirs. This is explained further in the book.

Another thing I say to my boys are "I'm not listening to this for free!" They know that they'll have to pay me, which they absolutely don't want to do. The payment is with money or toys...my pick!

Also, if they have that much energy to fight, they have that much energy to do chores. So, do the energy drain a lot and if they start fighting...after a while when you say (you are actually giving a warning, so to speak), "I think I feel an energy drain coming on." They'll more than likely stop fighting at the moment, because by then, they'll know what it means when mommy is having an energy drain.

There is so much more and scenarios...dialogue actually. It's great! If you get the CD's...they are comedy! I love the "Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants". (You are to become a consultant parent.) I hope this helps!

I understand my middle child and my youngest are 15 months apart and those two fight the worst..they disagree and can't even agree that they disagree...lol. Well, here's what we have done to help the situation and most of the time it helps I make up sharing games and hug games...I'm sometimes child like in my mind myself. Here's how it goes I cut up fruit like an apple in slice's even amt please they I serve it on one plate and I have them each take a slice counting so each one has the same amount after we hug. Ok it's corny but it helps with them sharing and hugging each other so when they get into fights about a toy I ask one or the other to help find a toy for their brother and give it to him and hug. Sometimes it helps it's just one thing. If one or the other falls down and skins their knee I have the other sibling give a hug and I do too. I guess I'm just trying to reinforce their relationship. Yes they still fight but sometimes it's not nearly like a yr ago and yes we have to work on it just about everyday. I'm lucky I have an older child so he gets involved sometimes and it helps I do have to say as they get older so far for us it has gotten better.

All siblings fight and argue and it's not a sign of bad parenting on your part.Some fight b/c of jelousy and others just fight when they disagree about what to play or play with. My 4 yr old and my 22 month old bicker back and forth occassionally and I have always been told to let them learn to work it out and stay out of it unless it gets physical.I give u the same advice.Let them learn to work it out and get over it without u deciding whos in the wrong. When they come to you whinning tell them to work it out or they both will be punished.I always hated how my mom would come in and take my brothers side b/c he was the youngest not knowing he's the one who pulled my hair or w/e.It leaves your children to think that your partial to one of them.

I am sure they will grow out of it but in the mean time have you thought of time out? How about puting the older in a day care for 2 mornings in the week to give you a break

My boys are 2 1/2 and 4 and they do fight but it is usually when I am busy or on the phone. I just try to catch them every time they are being nice and sharing. I make a huge deal out of it. When my husband comes home I brag to him in front of the kids about how well they did and pick out specific situations when they did share and took turns. I also talk to my older one about how it makes him feel to be nice to his brother and how it makes him feel when his brother is nice to him. Now they try to compete with who shares the best, etc. Of course they don't always get along but a short time-out usually solves the problem.

HEY THERE ...I AM HEARING MY OWN STORY .
I HAVE 2 BOYS ages 7& 8 and are 11 mo's apart -we call them insufferable and inseperatable ....
they do love eachother -the older one has gotten attitude though and has begun an ugly habbit of talking down to his brother that is demeaning ...
we have FAMILY POW WOW'S where the big chief ( DAD ) or LITTLE CHIEF (MOM ) CALLS THE MEETING -we sit in a circle and we talk about things .
we also teach from the bible alot -
LIFT UP YOUR BROTHER -BE KIND TO ONE ONE ANOTHER -BACKBITING AND BICKERING IS DESTRUCTIVE AND PULLS DOWN /NOT BUILD UP .
WE HAVE COME UP WITH SNAZY PRAZES TO REMIND OUR KIDS TO CORRECT A BEHAVIOR .

like BUILD UP NOT ? WHAT ? AND THEY WILL SAY PLUCK DOWN !!
AND BE KIND -SAY SORRY -STUFF LIKE THAT .
I GOT SO AGGRAVATED THAT MY OLDEST SON FELT AT LIBERTY TO demean his brother that i bought a poster at the library that says

KIND WAYS TO TREAT EACH OTHER

AND THEY ARE ALL NUMBERED
1-10 AND WHEN ONE OFFENDS I MAKE THEM GO AND READ THE NUMBER OUT LOUD AND THEY HAVE TO READ IT SLOWLY AND RESPECTFULLY ...
IT HAS BEEN VERY EFFECTIVE .

ALSO WE HAVE GOOD BEHAVIOR CHARTS ...
FOR EVERY 10 STICKERS THEY EARN WITH GOOD BEHAVIOR THEY EARN 1.00
AND EACH STICKER IS WORTH 10.CENTS EACH .
I CAUGHT OUR 7YR OLD BEING THOUGHTFUL TODAY -WHEN I REMINED MY 8 YR OLD -
I TOLD YOU TO HANG UP YOUR COAT ??
MY 7 YR OLD WAS WALKING BY AND SAID " OH I'll get it "
there was a time when he would have seized the opportunity to step on it or smirk at his brothers correction .
but GOOD BEHAVIOR PAYS SO WELL!!!!
SO WHEN I PRAISE THEM FOR THEIR GOOD BEHAVIOR IT ENCOURAGES MORE GOOD BEHAVIOR .

THE CHARTS ARE THE BEST THING FOR THEM AND US ....ONE OUR BOYS SAVES ALL HIS DOLLARS THEN WANTS TO GO THE MALL ...

DONT QUIT THOUGH ...MAKE TREATING EACHOTHER WITH LOVE FUN FOR ALL .....
J.

I have two boys who are 13 months apart--they are now 17 and 18--boys are typically more physical than girls but either way, mine bickered and fought through the years--when they got taller than me (and more muscular than me), I told them that there was no fighting, arguing, bickering, etc. in my house and if they found it necessary to do that, they had to go outside. I don't know if you can make this point at your children's young ages but I preach peace to my teenagers all the time and they have finally learned to respect my peaceful home. Good luck and just wait until they're teenagers.

I don't know how this would work with your children, but this is what my mom did with me and my brother. We are 3 1/2 years apart and when I was about 4 and he about 7 we constantly fought. One day in the car she told us that if we did not stop she would make us hold hands. Of course we did not, and we probably didn't think we would have to actually hold hands. But mom was serious. So from Marietta to Kennesaw (which felt like forever) we had to hold hands sitting in the backseat of the car. We decided that we would rather get along than have to hold hands again. We have been friends ever since. Now we still had brother-sister spats from time to time, but nothing like before - so it is not a magical cure all. But it stuck with me. I am 33 and I still remember that day.

Cami,
I completely know what you are going through, my two youngest are now 5 and 7(22 mths apart) And they argue about who sits where, what show to watch and so on. I finally starting giving them their allowances at the beginning of the week and everytime they argue, I take 10 cents from their 5.00 a week allowance. It really has made a difference. Of course yours are younger. Using a star chart for good behavior, and rewarding them for good behavior may help. Good luck
A.

When my two, 20 months apart, begin fighting they have to go to their rooms to play alone. I make them play by themselves for about 30 minutes and this is very effective for us. They "appreciate" playing with each other for at least a little while. When they go to fight again remind them of the last time not being able to play together.
Good luck,
A. H

My older two children used to bicker at eachother constantly!!!! It drove me insane. However, I came to a resolution by accident.
I became pregnant with my third child in July of 2006. It was a very difficult pregnancy and my other children were 5 and three. To top it all off, my husband is in the military and was gone for 7 1/2 months of the pregnancy, leaving me very ill with two children who could NOT get along.
it got to the point that when they would argue and come to me for a resolution to their arguement, I would tell them that unless they were bleeding they needed to leave me be. Before long, they wouldn't even come to me with their issues between eachother, they just learned to work through them on their own. Now, they don't fight at all!! They share toys, spend almost all their time together after school and get along great. If they do have an issue, they easily work it out on their own and follow the rules they set for themselves.

Hi,
My children will be turning 2 & 4 in June. When they fight, I tell them they are not allowed to play together unless they cooperate. If it continues, I put them in separate rooms. They really like to play together so the separation usually does the trick. The older child does need private space every day to build things without the stress of having his little sister destroying it.

I don't mean to sound inconsiderate, but mine are 13 and 14 and still fight and bicker 24 hours a day. We went to Disneyworld, and they still did it. If they werent fighting about what ride to go on they were fighting about where who was going to sit on the ride. But if one really gets in a jam, the other is there to bail her out, whether its homework or trouble with friends. I did the same with my sister. I think its just a girl thing!!!