J.P.
First, here are a couple websites for you!
http://www.nationalfertilitylaw.com/
http://www.newlifeagency.com/index.cfm?CFID=7722942&C...
http://www.cafemom.com/group/3087
http://www.cafemom.com/group/93764
Now, I was a surrogate mom for another couple and I LOVED it!! It was so rewarding. We had twins in December!
I will tell you that I did go through an agency. I had it in my head that I wanted to do this a few times, but the first time I was going to be safe about it and have myself covered. Going through an agency made sure that I was covered for meds, doctor's appts, hospital visits, maternity clothes, any medical testing, lost wages, the birth, etc. Yes, you can do this independently, but in my oppinion, it is best to go through an agency first so you at least KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH as far as paperwork and such. THEN, if you want to do it again, you will have all the know-how and where-with-all to do it yourself!!! (Just my opinion!!)
Above are the links to the National Fertility law firm. They are out of California but represent EVERYONE as I live in Austin and my "IP's" (Intended Parents) live in Norway! They took care of all the legal stuff (ie, contracts, next of kin (in case something happened to the parents), financial stuff too like who would be responsible for all the bills (YES, YOU NEED THIS IS WRITING!!!!!) and some other stuff.) Also up there is a link to New Life Agency. They covered EVERY PENNY of my medical!! They have special surrogacy coverage as well as surrogate life insurance policies....YES, YOU NEED ONE OF THOSE TOO!! Also, two links to CAFEMOM.COM (two different surrogacy groups on there!) I have found that CAFEMOM.COM surrogates have much more friendly and helpful advice to give than some of those surrogacy posting sites on the web like SMO or AAS. Those two sites can be brutal and quite intimidating!!
Now, there are "THOSE" who will tell you that if you are going through an agency that you are in it for the money. Let me tell you, nothing can "Pay you" for what you are about to do. Through an agency, you will only get a "fraction" of what the IP's will pay, but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that everything will be taken care of. If you don't use an agency, yes, the IP's will save a bit of money, but you might loose too. There are horror stories on both sides (boy could that fill up a day) but the agencies are in the business of taking care of both sides.
Things you will be going through are:
DAILY oral meds and/or injections in your butt!!! This is really funny when your butt starts swelling and anyway, you'll find out.... he he.
If you are a "gestational surrogate or GS (using someone else's eggs, you're just the carrier)you will have birth control pills as well to regulate yourself with the egg donor. If you are a "Traditional surrogate or TS" (using your eggs) then it's just simple inseminations but months of total abstinence (don't want to mix up those babies).
Doctor's visits!!! This is NOTHING like having your own kids. I went to the doctor every two weeks whether I needed to or NOT and had ultrasounds every two weeks for the first 4 months!! If you get preggo with twins, a trip to the perinatal specialist every week (I was not allowed to take my kids per the perinatal office rules so I had to find childcare----a reimbursible expense by the way!)
If you do get preggo with twins, the maternity clothes are going to get crazy. I outgrew EVERYTHING SEVERAL TIMES throughout the pregnancy.
Tons of "LOOKS" and comments both good and bad. I am a single mom with two kids and I would get looks like "hey lady, don't you know where those things come from??" and I would just tell them "don't worry, they're not mine" and walk away!
MONTHS of waiting for the whole process to get started!! If you are going through an agency, expect at least two months of getting paperwork going, medical visits, physc screenings (for you and hubby as well as the IP's) and then a month or so before you get names/profiles of IP's. Then a month or more of contracts, a couple months of meds (providing the embryos take the FIRST time) and then the rest to follow. So, for me, start to finish, took about 17 months!!!
Things to consider:
Are you done having children of your own? It is a BIG risk. A friend of mine had complications after the birth of her surrogate twins and had to have a proceedure that has left her uterus unable to support life!! She is now an egg donor, but can no longer have babies of her own unless she goes through a surrogate!
Yes hubby is behind you 100%. Will he still be behind you 100% in 6 months when you are puking your brains out with someone else's kids?
Are you prepared for the first few months to travel alone without kids (match meetings, medical reviews, psyc evals).
Are you prepared for the agency or IP's to restrict your travel/diet/meds as they see fit for the duration of your pregnancy?
Do you have the support of FAMILY?? It is really hard on you when some or even one member of your family has a problem with it!
HORMONES (enough said!)
Giving the babies up when it's time? (I went into this KNOWING that they were NOT mine, I had no right to them, PERIOD!) The hospital will treat you like a "closed adoption case" unless there is an agreement with your IP's. I gave birth and that was the last time I was "entitled" to see the babies. They will keep them in a seperate room or the nursery. You will NOT get a bracelet!! You have NO RIGHTS, your are NOT THEIR MOMMY! (my Ip's did bring the babies to see me but it was their decsision, not the hospital's). Can you deal with that?
Many IP's (including mine) had the idea that I would breast feed the babies when they got here but changed their minds about that and several other things only DAYS before delivery. Their children, their choice!!! (I do still pump and donate the milk)
I would do it all over again just to see the looks on their faces when they held their children for the first time. I don't regret any of it!! In my opinion, it could not have gone better. This is not always the case, but I am glad I did it. For me it was because I knew so many who could not have children of their own and I couldn't imagine not having mine. I wish you all the luck in the world. If you ever have any more questions, feel free to email me and I will try to answer them all.
I am sorry this is so long. I could go on and on about this!