Considering a Bird's Nest Custody Agreement-thoughts, Suggestions, Experience?

My ex and I nested for the first year. All I can say is that it's really good in theory, not so much in reality. I could not WAIT for that year to be over! I kind of felt like, in our situation, I still had a lot of the cons of being 'with' him, but none of the pros ;-) if you know what I mean, lol

NO. You are NOT crazy.
You are BRILLIANT.
This sounds like such a marvelous way
to deal with a lot of issues all at the same time;
primarily your daughter's wellbeing.
BRAVA!!

Sounds a little complicated and more expensive doing it this way. I like the idea of both parents being able to staying in close proximity of each other so that there is little if any disruption in your daughter's life. Would it be possible for you to get a home equity line of credit and build a granny flat on your property or convert part of your garage into a studio apartment for your ex? He can pay you rent which would be applied to the HELOC. Since you already own the property, it just makes sense to stay there if possible, especially if it is in a better neighborhood than where you ex is living right now.

Just another option for you to consider. But definitely do try to do what you can to insure that your daughter has some consistency but still be able to enjoy both parents. Kudos to you for being so mature and thoughful!

oh good luck girl...def not something i could/would do. my sorry a** ex moved an hour away after we broke up & made no effort to stay near our son....he lives in and out of motels/hotels and w/family...just really unstable, but couple things you said made me think of him. so of course i'm putting my feelings towards my ex on your post, so i'm sorry about that, but unfortunately there are probably are some similiarities - lying, kniving, and basically me and you as women going WAAAAAY too far for their comfort/convenience. i hate being away from my son every other wknd too but you'll eventually get used to as you get used to the rest of being a single mom b/c none of it's easy. from the money, the actual child-rearing, the loneliness, etc...it's all a challenge. but i think it behooves you to focus on stability/happiness (which you are) for your daughter & just hope the best for this grown man to to see his daughter. it's his responsibility to do the right thing, y'know what i'm saying. no one's making it more convenient for you to be a great mom, you just are. so i wouldn't go out of my way for the ex, esp since he's already an hr away - i mean c'mon (towards your ex) why move so damn far? and yes your baby is really young, but the good thing is, if you go ahead & split and start living this way now, it'll be all she ever knows so it won't be weird or anything to her.
anyway, good luck my dear. what a giving person you are but just keep it for yourself and for your daughter for now. take care & many hugs b/c i know it's hard. :)

This would never have worked in my situation, but it if can work for your then give it a try. Can't your ex find a place closer to stay? Is he willing to help pay for keeping two different places?

What's best for the child is always the priority, but how will you explain a year or two from now that your living arrangements will be changing?
From your other posts, he's had little patience with the baby not to mention emotionl affairs and he's the one who asked for the divorce. I just wonder if you're setting yourself up for more pain than you are trying to save. Yes, your daughter should have a relationship with her father, but at what cost?
I do understand not wanting your daughter to be uprooted but if you change things in a year or two, that will be a transition for her as well. What if other people are introduced into the mix?
I think in theory, this is a fabulous idea. Keeping the child in one place while the adults work things out around her. On the other hand, there might not be a clear deliniation of what your relationship is and where she stands in all of it.
It could be dragging out the inevitable, meaning you each need to move on in a way that is healthy for your child.
If he's agreeable to it and it can work for all of you, I say go for it and give it a try.
Have plan B if it doesn't work out.

I wish you the very best. I really do.

I dunno, sounds like a potential deal breaker in the making. If your reality is that you arent going to be together for the long haul why fake it? When you both start dating other people wouldnt it be sort of awkward to be living together partially?
I think you should just do what you would do if he did not exist.

unless you have an amazing relationship I think your playing with fire. and since the comment was made he hasnt been around much I think your playing with fire and are going to get burned. con artist are always nice before they con you. he has to get along with you to con you. jmo but I couldnt live behind my ex either and I have known people to sucsessfully do it. you better make very sure this is right. if your gut gives you any doubt no dice dont do it. good luck in your decision

If that means he will be living in your home part of the time, how are you going to feel if he remarries? or has a live in girl friend? How would that work? Is he even on board with this? I would feel like I would rather have my own time and space for me and my daughter, whether I was the mother or the father. It sounds like maybe this is simply a way for you to maintain full control? How does he feel about that?

Boy, this is hard. Well my take on this is that if you're planning this to be a temporary thing until she's a little older.....then I say it's a bad idea. And you need to get it over and done with now.
Basically, start establishing a normalcy for your daughter - rather than having her see her daddy everyday for another two years, then suddenly "take her away' from him several days a week.

I think that since she's only 17 months, this will be something she's always known. Otherwise, imagine doing this to her when she's 3 or4? Especially if her dad's been absent most of her life. Would you want her to experience his rejection at that age? Better now when she's young and doesn't see any difference.

Because what if this arrangement doesn't work out? Or what it he decides to be an absentee dad again? It he really wants to be in her life, he'll show it and will make the drive every week. If not, then hey, you spared her the rejection at this tender age of 17 months.

I know you want her to be well cared for when she's in his care but you really can't control every circumstances. Just do your best...like making sure you pack good foods for her or providing a schedule he can follow/use as a guide.

And if he's a good father, he'll do his best. Otherwise, if you don't think he'll give it his best, then your arrangement isn't going to make any difference in the long run.

But make sure that your measurement is based on HIS best....not yours. Sometimes, let dads be dads. Let them do it in their own special way. Even if it's not to your standards. So long as he's not abusive in any way to her. And at least father and daughter are having bonding time. This is more beneficial for her than 3 full meals a day, if you get my point.

And you backing off a little may actually encourage more of his own involvement.....otherwise, you could just drive him away.

I wish more parents were like you and thought of what was best for the kids and not for themselves or easier for themselves. It may not be the best situation in the world and you may learn to become really good friends through this situation and your daughter can grow up seeing her parents really caring about each other. But like a marriage and everything else it takes work and open communication every single day. If you guys set some ground rules you both agree with and be open to things you need to change it may work and be best all around. If it doesn't work out at least you tried for your daughters sake. Best of luck!

Hello, I think allowing your child to stay in her own home while the two of you co-parent with your individual times is the perfect idea. I think it will give her a sense of belonging. I don't know about you being able to control what she eats and does. That could cause friction. The second idea where you rent a room or studio apartment sounds like a really good idea. Are you able to afford this? If you are a stay at home mom, how will you pay for the extra space? This is something you have to consider.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

I hope you have a very good lawyer.

It's great that you want to do what is best for your daughter, I think the best thing for your daughter is to work things out with her father, she's only 17 months old, so either she was conceived on a day where your both felt like you wanted to stay married or the problems you are having haven't been there to long. A few of my children's friends had to do the back and forth thing, trust me it is not something they are ever ready for, and in most cases if the kids came first there would not even be a divorce or split. J.