Consequences - Hackettstown,NJ

It's just awful.. Don't worry.. if someone says their kid never threw a fit in public, I'd call BS! :)

You know what's worse than a child causing a scene with a tantrum? An ineffectual parent dealing with a child who is causing a scene with a tantrum. A parent who begs and pleads and cajols and the kid just keeps it up and keeps it up and the parent keeps giving more and more to the kid to placate him or her.

I'd SO much rather see a parent carrying a kid out kicking and screaming than the other.

Mom, the important thing for you to do is absolutely keep your strict word when you tell her what she doesn't get to do. If you feel sorry for her, all you are teaching her is that you will cave when she acts this way, and she'll do it more.

Just a tip - wait until you get her strapped into the car before you tell her that this is the last activity for the day. A second chance is ENOUGH. You don't have to also tell her the rest until she is in the car. AND if she starts screaming her head off in the car, wait outside the car and pretend to read a magazine or book, and ignore her until she stops the screaming and crying. You can open the door and say "Are you done yet?" Only when she is do you get back in the car to drive.

Your daughter needs this strictness very, very much. It will get better if she really figures out that you mean business.

Yep. We've had some doozies. It's called being a responsible parent.

Yep, parenting isn't for sissies.

Usually we just left the store(or wherever) and had time out in the car or sometimes just went home (if it was a fun activity and not shopping).

One day though, I was pressed for time and HAD to get groceries. My daughter wanted to go home and started throwing a fit. I strapped her in the cart, and we did the shopping. She literally screamed and cried the store down around us, while I ignored her and acted like everything was fine (that really made her mad!!) I managed to get out of there in about 20 minutes....but I couldn't leave because THAT would have been giving in to her tantrum. Most moms gave me sympathetic looks that indicated they had been there themselves.

If your child hasn't embarrassed you with a tantrum then you haven't been parenting very long. It happens to all of us!! And when they tell you that you are mean...well, you are just doing a good job!!

HUGS!!

I agree with Doris Day. I am a veteran practitioner of "put them in the car and ignore them while reading a book" school of parenting. They HATE not getting attention, and they have a harder time screaming for a long period of time if you aren't yelling back.

If your kids like you all the time, you're not doing your job! We'd all rather see a parent extricating a child throwing a tantrum than have that parent placate the child, which just encourages the behavior. It's really important not to see the child's behavior as embarrassing or a reflection on you. You have to be willing to walk out of a situation - a store, a restaurant, a play date - every time she really acts out.

I also don't think it's necessary to give a young child a whole lot of notice about this being the last activity. It just sets up another session of wailing. First things first - get her out of the environment, get her calm in a restrained situation (carseat is ideal, her room is good too), and then deal with additional disappointments. It's important that the removal from the area (in your example, the farm) be associated only with the offending activity (in this case, throwing the corn and not stopping). If you throw in the "last activity" information, it detracts from the corn throwing and it becomes the issue rather than a later decision you make.

No matter how often a child calls you a meanie, or rolls her eyes, or screams, it doesn't make it true. There's no point in teaching them at age 3 that they always get their way - wait until the teen years when they are too big to bundle up and put in the car. They absolutely have to know that you make the rules before they are older.

Yup. We were at the mall a while back to pick out ONE outfit for one of my sons. I told them that it would be a quick trip and that if they behaved we could stop at the kids' area on the way out. My older son started acting up in the store, going inside the clothes racks, etc. Of course the little one followed along. I let them both know that the behavior was unacceptable. My older son's behavior improved, but the little one threw a tantrum and demanded to be held. I complimented the older son for improving and gave the little one a final warning. When he did not shape up, I set down the clothes we were looking at and walked out of the store, past the kids' area, and to the car. My little one is still talking about being good now, so we can go play next time! I did feel bad for punishing my older son as collateral damage, but I explained that the way to avoid this in the future was only modeling good behavior for his little brother.

Sure, the other day my son was throwing a typical 3 year old tantrum in a store. I just kept walking, I said "sorry for the noise" to a few people, but he calmed himself down once he realized I was just going to ignore him.

Like the other says, welcome to parenthood!

Yes. It's called parenting.

Those that have done it, understand.

Those that haven't - don't even understand how we all change diapers.

It happens to every parent. Yes, people look because they hear the commotion, but dont try to guess what they are thinking! Most likely those without children are thinking "my child will never act like that" but they dont have any idea!! those of us whose kids have passed the terrible three stage are thinking..."thank god we're passed that stage!!"

All it takes is hauling them out to the car and going right home once or twice and they won't cross you in public again. :)

Sometimes being a good parent means feeling like a meanie. But she has to know that you mean what you say.
If she calls your bluff, you have to follow through or she will know that you're only blowing smoke.

"meanies" are the best parents. Why. Because you are teaching consequences. You are teaching her real life. Don't worry about the looks, When they throw a tanturm, I know that the parent is doing their job :)

Story: My MIL never said no to her youngest.. we she would, but not follow throught. Now he has serious issues in high school, anxiety ... why because she had no discpline skills. And would never follow throgh with him. Discpline is asweomse in many areas and it is not always behaviors. Discpline in the area of money, or in life in general. She has an uphill battle with him and herself.

I've probably blocked it out--- damn, no, I didn't.

Small scale- we were at a library storytime which was apparently focused on helping two year olds "sit and listen". Which is great if you have given your two year old sedatives, but not so great if it's your first time at that storytime and your kid (naturally) thinks that a big room with no furniture *should* be for running, which was where the storytime was-- in a big room which looked like it should be *perfect* for running. (Super-genius move, that. snork!NOT!)

My son was wanting to see people, make friends-- who cared about the lady with the book? At one point, he kept smiling and waving at a friendly mom, began to run over to her, tripped on his feet and fell, giving his nose a nice blast of rug burn.

And then it was all over-- I got my screaming upset boy out of there. Got a good blogpost out of it, actually, and it reconfirmed my first inclination, which was that for some curious and social two year olds, sitting and listening is highly overrated. (He did sit and listen at home just fine, it was the new place and new faces which were so stimulating for him.) I swear, they could have just invited the kids and parents to the room, minus the storytime, and they would still have had a great time. I was a bit embarrassed at the time-- everyone staring, but it happens to us all. It would have been worse if I hadn't left, right?;)

Oh, and then there was the time two summers ago (kiddo was 4) when we had gone out to the local velodrome to see a friend in a bicycle race. We'd just gotten Kiddo some binoculars from a garage sale. We told Kiddo to be sure to take them off his face before walking and although Joe and I were distracted, we felt Kiddo was old enough to heed the warning. We were watching for cars in the parking lot but apparently Kiddo was still using the binoculars when he tripped on something and fell down. SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM in front of everyone, cars leaving, bicyclists packing up, and there's this kid splayed in the road... two bloody knees (and a sore nose) later we endured a wailing and the gnashing of teeth and rending of garments coming from the backseat all the way home.

I've never gone anywhere without band-aids ever again. Some things burn themselves into our brains, don't they?

ETA: It sounds like you did a good job with this, ES. It's *HARD* to teach our kids that the world is not their personal playground, and good on you for following through. My son has had those injury meltdowns.... as others have mentioned, though, we have done quite a few of those earlier-discussed 'car time outs'.... he knows not to throw a flat-out tantrum out and about because (fortunately) I'm pretty good at reading his cues-- when we are heading down that road of not listening, I get him out of there early. He's had "take a break" time in his stroller when he was little where he'd finish fussing and I would sit and pretend to read the paper. ( I don't drive, so when I was out running errands for the first few years, I always had a containment device at hand. ) It's WORK, huh?!

If you don't want her having tantrums the book Back to Basics Discipline is great. Having three non tantrum throwers-including my born rager-was a sanity saver. Nothing wrong with following thru calmly on a warning to enforce good behavior. The alternative is letting kids humiliate themselves by melting down all the time and destroying errands and that's not really any kinder than just nipping it firmly imo. I've never dragged a screaming kid from a store. Two steps towards the bathroom though and silence ensued after they had been taken for fits one time each. They key is stepping in immediately with your warning as they're STARTING the fit. Don't wait until they're in full gear or you may as well just sit it out until the next one. Once they know you'll let them carry on, they'll push it harder. Just don't allow it for even a few seconds. Ever. Never ignore. NIP it. The warning will suffice when they know you will ALWAYS follow through immediately and you'll all have more fun days together.