Confusion! - Bangor,ME

I worked for headstart a few years ago and the kids were there 5 days a week
the day was very busy with learning and play outdoor time, lunch and snack and rest time
the kids aren't sitting at desk all day and at this age wouldn't be expeted to sit for very long although there will be some activities that they do at tables
it will be an adjustment once he starts but he'll get used to it and love it and i actually recommend the longer day because he'll learn from his peers and the teachers around him

L., I am in Maine too and teach for a Head Start program. My program goes m-th and is 4 hours. Most programs are 8:30 to 12:30 or somewhere thereabouts. I have heard of other programs that go all 5 days though. But most part day programs are four days. Feel free to email me personally if you have any specific questions I can answer!

my nephew just started head start and he goes M-F from 8:45-2. They do breakfast, lunch, and snack. He is Saranac Lake, NY, not sure where you are!

Head Start is designed for children who need a little extra - and they understand that no child should (or could) sit for 6 hours of schooling. It's not academic - but building the essential pre-academic skills that were once taught in kindergarten. It won't look like school (or shouldn't if a decent program)- it will (or should be) child-centered where children learn and develop through play, exploration, modeling and a little instruction.

I would work with the program - you may need to drive him in on Fridays. This is probably a very good thing for your step-son - and next year when he starts kindergarten you would be addressing the same issue of him going to school on Fridays. It's about doing what is best for him.

I'm not going to get into the details of your family situation. If you are really concerned that he is not getting what he needs - then maybe you and his dad might want to look into a program in your school district and rearrange custody around that. My older son adopted me as his mom (I didn't legally adopt him - his birth mother and her family were the kind where we just didn't stir the hornets' nest). He had some issues when I started raising him and we didn't get services right away - he struggled all through school and never finished his first year of college. My younger son is 4 and was a preemie. He has subtle issues - but I am adamant he get the needed services now (since birth). He's coming along great and only the most trained eye would see anything other than an overly active happy little boy. If you are concerned, then you are a great resource for this little boy and hopefully you will have a positive influence on his development.

WOW!! I just posted my response and read others. Penny is really out of line here - she may or may not be correct -she has no idea, as you never mentioned any of the stuff she wrote about. And she's wrong that you will never be his real mom - you will never be his birth mom - but only he can decide if you are a real mom to him. Children are very smart and can tell who cares for them. My older son treated me terribly whenever he came back from his birth mother. It upset my husband and me until I realized he was mad that I was not Liz. And mad she wasn't a good mom - and I was a safer person for him to express this to. Who knows what path your family will take - but it seems like he is lucky to have two mother figures to help him - especially if one is lacking. Good luck!

I would call the Head Start program and ask what the options are so that you have the info. At the preschool and elementary level, however, the kids are not "sitting through" 6 hours in the sense of being confined to a desk. It's pretty varied and there are many modalities used for learning and special services (speech, OT, etc.)

I am a stepmom so I understand the difficulties in trying to work out shared custody and all that is involved. You must resign yourself to a certain amount of driving given the distance between the two homes. That's what we sign on for when we marry men with children. However, I think Penny's response is a little over the top. You are trying to get info and that is reasonable. You gave no indication that you are discussing the problems with his mother in front of him, so I'm not sure where that issue came from. I DO agree with her, though, that it will be better for everyone, including you, if you let (or insist that) your husband take over these matters when it comes to making arrangements. He and his ex have to deal with each other at least until this little boy is 18, so they might as well start now. Also, there are a lot of reasons why the child may be "a little behind" and there are many services available. It might not be due to her negligence! I have 2 stepchildren from a pretty horrendous mother whose choices have had a terrible impact in many ways. I've been on the receiving end of having scheduling problems thrown at us, so I know how you are feeling. However, if your husband has shared legal custody (which he appears to have, since he has shared physical custody), he has an equal say in which days the child goes to a program, and which program. Let him and the ex handle it, using the divorce agreement as a guideline. The more of a back seat you take now, the easier it will be for you - I know it is so hard to stay "uninvolved" with a child you love and care for, but Penny is right in saying that the dad has to be the one who takes the lead here. He should call Head Start himself if he can - otherwise you should JUST help with the information gathering, as you are doing.

Good luck!!

Hi L.,

My grandson was in Headstart and the hours were the same as regular school hours. M-F, 9-3 or thereabouts. They did alot more than just academics. Nutrition, parenting etc. I know my daughter who was a young, single mom really appreciated the support and learned a lot. She made some lasting friendships with other moms, got educated on how to negotiate the "system" and advocate for her son. I even think it enhanced her bond with my grandson.

I am sorry about those who judge your involvement. True you are not the biological mom and that relationship has to be respected and nurtured, but if you are involved in the day to day care of this little one, you are right to inquire. Nobody else is living your life or understands the dynamic in your relationship between the biological parents of this young man. It would be best if people could simply answer the question that is asked and not offer unsolicited advice. Judging a situation you know nothing about is ignorant.

As far as visitation, perhaps the schedule could be adjusted so you pick up on Fridays after school and return Sunday evenings in order to facilitate the Headstart program?

J. L.

L.,
Please don't take this the wrong way! You're the step-Mom and really need to take a step back. Let Dad deal with your step-son's real Mom and, for goodness sake, BUTT OUT! You give the impression in your question that you are just dying to trash talk your step-son's Mom. For your step-son's sake, please don't. She's his Mom and always will be. He's going to resent you when he gets older. Take my word for it, little ears are listening to what you say, and what you say will be remembered. I've been a daycare provider in my home for 32 years and I've heard and seen it all. You asked for advice and mine would have to be, don't try to replace the real Mom in your step-son's affections. Let Dad deal with it and mind your own business. I'll bet Dad can do the right thing for his son without your input.
Good luck,
P.

Hi
My niece is in headstart and my sister was able to pick 3 days that were best for her. I dont know if all programs are like that or not. Im pretty sure that a Pre k program would be 3 days a week, either a half or full day. Around here Pre K is M-W-F 8:45-11:45, but again thats the majority of programs. You could call the headstart and ask, and maybe try to work out a schedule together??