my sil and I don't see eye to eye anymore. We have had lots of fights and have learned that she has talked BADLY about me. She does not like me and I don't like her. I just don't trust her and don't feel that I ever will. Recently she has been into god like crazy and has tried pushing her religion onto me and now she is acting really weird around me. She is being really nice and is telling me personal things about her daughter. I try my hardest to watch what I say around her but for some reason she can get things out of me. I try to keep my distance from her but you know how hard that can be sometimes when it is family. My question do I have every right to feel unsure about her and what would you do if you were in this situation?
Well, hopefully it will be a "heart change" on her part & not just religion. If she really changes, it would be nice (it would seem that it would be forthcoming) if she would apologize... I would keep my distance but enjoy her being nice for a change!
Since she is pushing her "religion" onto you, maybe you could inquire about its teachings on reconciliation.... might make her think.
Going to church doesn't make you a saint. She's most likely the same person, so I'd trust your first instinct.
ANYONE can be 'nice'... but that does not mean it is real. People can fake that... WHEN they want something from you. ie: your SIL is getting PERSONAL information out of you.
1) she is manipulative and sounds, VERY highly manipulative and highly seasoned at being... very manipulative.
2) she gossips about you
3) you cannot trust her
4) your inner 'radar' about her, does not trust her. So don't.
5) She may belong to a "cult." And thus, maybe they are told to do things like that....
6) You do NOT know... HOW she is going to 'use' the information she gets from you.... right?
7)You DO NOT HAVE TO, tell her personal/private information. EVEN if she is family. If she asks you questions, just answer with the default answer of "that is private information" or "that is personal. I do not have to tell you...."
Just because she is "family"... does not mean you have to trust her or tell her things or anything else that she is trying to get out of you.
YOU decide what to tell her.
YOU are the protector of your own privacy and personal information.
YOU are the one, to display BOUNDARIES to her. And be firm.
Also, you do not trust her. You get bad vibes from her. She has caused many problems for you before.
So... be WISE. Not the opposite.
The ONLY way, you can stop being a victim of her games and of her mental manipulation...is:
1) to NOT play her games.
2) not let her get away with it.
She cannot manipulate you nor get information out of you/your family/your kids... unless you play her game and let her.
No one can manipulate another... by themselves.
Go with your gut. When it comes to family, when you don't see eye to eye or feel right, be polite. That's all. No more, no less. Just polite.
I am this way with my bio-mother. She's a narcissist, and I wouldn't leave my child alone with her. I am polite to her. She's supposedly a Christian, but not in my experience. I feel sorry for the church friends she has bamboozled.
I would avoid her if I couldn't keep quiet around her. Just because she is being nice now doesn't mean she has taken a turn for the better. It could mean that she is keeping her friends close but her enemies closer.
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Go with your gut. A leopard does not change their spots. My ex SIL was the same way, and for years my brother did not see it. To the point of where we all did not speak for a while. She lied so much she believed herself, that's was what made her so convincing. I learned when I was in her company to never have a conversation alone. I actually told my brother I feel I need a witness whenever I am around her. Thank god for text messaging because I refused phone conversations because she would twist anything I said. At least with a text I had proof lol!! She truly had a problem with lying, like nothing I had ever dealt with. She was sweet as pie in front of people and I swear inside possessed by the devil. Fortunately, I do not have to deal with her any longer. Keep your conversation light, be polite, and tell her nothing. People do not change!!!
My husband has a twin sister that sounds very much like your SIL. She causes drama in the entire family. Occassionally, she will act like a 'normal' person but she always returns to being the mean, spiteful person she really is. I have learned the hard way, not to trust her. The majority of the time we avoid her. She is no longer welcome in our home but we do see her when visiting other family members homes. I agree with what others have said... Limit your exposure when possible. At other times... you can be nice to her. Talk to her about things. Just don't need to share personal things with her.
Be polite, keep it general, and don't reveal anything too personal! I've got O. of those SILs, too. Use your head when you talk to her--not your heart. Time will tell how "real" she is. Good luck!
Her feeedom of speech stops at your freedom of religion. Unfortunately many good Christian people don't understand that. They somehow believe that they have the right to preach and continue preaching even though you have asked them to stop.
My advice to you -- don't talk to her beyond hello and yes we are fine. If she tries to corner you SPEAK UP!!! Simply tell her that you no longer trust her because she talks behind your back and twists everything to make you look bad. If you can say this LOUDLY AND IN FRONT OF OTHERS. You might be surprised at how many people come to you and thank you for speaking up--if she's doing it to you she's doing it to others.
In my experience a cat never changes it stripes. I've seen some people find god for a short period of time and be all about god and everything is god... fast forward 2 or 3 years and they are a different person again or have just lost their zeal for it.
So in my experience I wouldn't treat her any different and I'd stay away from her still. Why is it she gets things out of you? Do you really deep down want to be at peace and accepted by her? I don't know something to think about. I have family I don't like. Happens when you have a really big family. The ones that are like what you are describing I stay the heck away from.... Except for one person... why do I keep going back and giving her the benefit of the doubt.. because I don't want it to be so deep down. Something to think about.
