Hello Everyone,
My wonderful next door neighbor picks up my 5yo from the bus on Thursday's when he comes home from school and watches him for about an hour (sometimes a little less) while I'm at a parent education/preschool class with my younger son. It's only an hour a week, but it's helping me out IMMENSELY and I want to do something to say "thank you" to her for her help.
I've brought up the discussion of compensation to her a few times, though she just laughs and says that it's only an hour a week and she's happy to do it for free. I've also offered to watch her kids for her if she wanted to get out for an afternoon or something, but she has 4 kids and tells me that it would be crazy for me to watch her 4 kids, compared to my 1.
We're not rich, but I definitely want to do something for her since this is on a regular basis and I don't want her to feel taken advantage of, especially since I found out that she's giving him a snack too. (They're not rich either.) I've thought about just giving her a check at the end of the month, though I have no idea what to pay her, since we don't use babysitters, and I'm not sure that money is the right answer (although I know they don't have much of it themselves). I've also thought about just getting her a gift certificate once a month for a spa, or even just to Target or something, but as a mom, I know how often gift certificates get forgotten about or lost, so that option makes me nervous too. I'm hoping to get creative ideas on things that I can do in return (in addition to just being a good neighbor in general).
Again, I know it's only an hour a week - she feels like it's more of just a playdate, but it's helping me out BIG TIME, and I would really like to do something in return. I'm not one to ask for help much, much less let help be given without some sort of compensation to show my thanks, so this is a tough spot for me to find the right solution. I know that's my own thing and it's silly to some extent, but that's the way I was raised and that's the way I am.
Thank you so much! :o)
First, to those that replied with friendly and helpful responses - THANK YOU! I really appreciate your ideas.
Otherwise, just to clarify, I am a good neighbor myself and am always happy to do all of the friendly and neighborly things that come up on occasion. Although I do appreciate the idea of not putting a price tag on neighborly favors, even as a return gesture (as that is not my intent), I do think that this situation is a little more unique in that it's a "favor" on a regular basis. That is why I'm looking for >friendly< advice on nice gestures that I can give in return, so that my neighbor does not feel taken advantage of.
To mention additionally, my neighbor and I certainly have a good enough relationship to be beyond the worries of her feeling like I have any expectation about general neighborly favors needing to be compensated, nor have my conversations with her been anywhere near "obsessive" about it. I do not believe my want to go a step beyond and have creative ideas in return to be insulting, as implied by one responder (who's response has since been removed). For example, my husband and I have talked about having them over for dinner or something along those lines.
I welcome advice and understand that everyone has their own perspectives and opinions, even if it differs from my own; but just the same, no one is more right or more wrong than another - so putting down someone else's efforts and ideas is unnecessary and not at all helpful. If it is not your intent to be helpful, please do not respond to anyone's postings on this forum.
Thank you.
Since she said that she does not feel the need to be compensated, I would suggest giving her a small gift instead. Or, in lieu of a gift, maybe purchasing some snack items for her (and your) child's use.
hi,
how about taking her to lunch once a month... w/o kids and you guys would also get a chance to chat.
lenc
Having a good neighbor is an amazing gift, treasure it, but don't try to put a price tag on it. Instead, just try and be a good neighbor yourself. All you have to do is be thoughtful... things like bringing an extra cup of coffee or iced tea with you, chatting over the fence, cookies on the holidays, rolling out the garbage if you see they've forgotten it, asking if there's anything they need at the store if that's where you're heading next,...that kind of thing. Just every day niceness.
Hi W.,
I didn't think your post sounded at all like you were "obsessing" about the situation. I would be the same way you are. I'd want to do a little something "extra" beyond being just a nice neighbor. I don't really have any ideas for you, but I thought I'd say that. I was trying to think of something you could give to her kids. I know she's the one doing you the favor, but I feel like I've gotten a gift when someone gives something to my daughter... Just a thought!
