When you had another child with your new husband did you compair what husband #1 did as opposed to #2? I find myself upset with my ex because after having anothe child with #2 I see how much easier it can be when both parents are willing to help out. Am I weird or is this normal?
Stop comparing and just appreciate what you now have. You are not weird, but you are still angry and perhaps bitter. As for normal, I don't know anyone I could characterize a normal these days.
Blessings.....
Perfectly normal but try not to put so much pressure on your ex. That is over enjoy what you have now and get on with you life which is very wonderful.
Forgive him and move on. He was who he was and he is who he is. He may or may not change but you have a new husband and a new child. Leave that past behind you as best you can with the understanding that your thoughts and feelings are normal.
It's natural for you to compare, but letting yourself get upset is only going to make things stressful for you and affect your parenting relationship with your kid's father. I know it's easier said than done, but appreciate the husband that you have, the life that you have, and let the past be the past. Let your current life allow you to forgive so that you can move on.
It sounds normal to me. It would seem only natural. Dont dwell on what your ex husband did though, it isnt healthy. What you should be doing is thanking husband number two for being such a good man and father. Tell him you love him, and enjoy your life together as a real family.
That's why he's your ex, right?
Hey, you did good! Be grateful that #2 is not like #1 and you are not stuck with the same old routine. You're not weird, you're blessed!
I can't see myself having children with Troy, if I were ten years younger that would be different. Still watching him with my kids it is night and day. My ex would take them off at the knee for interrupting his TV, Troy just rolls with the punches.
I could actually site millions of examples but yeah, you are normal.
It's normal but remember they are two seperate individuals that offer different things. No sense on getting upset with your ex, just get glad that you are no longer in the same boat. Makes you appreciate more of what you do have with the current husband.
I have not, but my DH has children with his ex and with me. He sees the differences. The thing of it is, the ex is who the ex is...and even if he could or should do better, it isn't likely to change, right? So is it really worth your time to worry about it or try to make him into something that he isn't? I'd focus on your partner and enjoy the fact that you have a PARTNER this time. DH sometimes comments that it's nice to have a partner, that this is what he wanted the first time. Tell your new husband, "Thank you for being a good man."
I think it's normal but not always healthy. My sister's ex is remarried and takes it to an extreme by reminding his current wife that he is NOTHING compared to my sister (his first wife). So long as you keep it healthy I think it's normal human behaivor.
I was married to my now ex for 9 years and married to my current husband for 1.5. I have to tell you there really is no comparison. Although we are a blended family, we don't (and won't) have kids together. However, my ex husband did NOTHING to help with the house and/or kids. My current husband does EVERYTHING and I never have to ask him to do anything. In fact, he just does whatever he sees needs to be done...HUH???!!! I am SO not used to that! I feel like the freaking Queen that I have always meant to be! Ha! But you know what is sad, the kids know the difference between their dad and step dad and I think that is hard for them. Like they are torn, you know? But they are very well taken care of and we all do the best we can. In a way I'm glad they can see the difference between 2 houses, it may help them with what they decide to do when they have families of their own. But as far as comparing husbands, I have been with my current husband for 4 years and am constantly surprised at how different he is than my ex and I wish we had ALWAYS been together. But whatever, I think its normal since you have been married twice, to notice the difference (both good and bad) between husbands.
I found good and bad in both fathers. The Ex as a little more particular( (clothes matched), and current hubby is a little free sprited (clean just not matched) LOL. SO I think each man is different.
It is a natural impulse of the survival functions of the brain to make comparisons and look for patterns in life. Hopefully, you were comparing character and behaviors well before you married. How else can we learn from our misjudgments?
The important thing is to not allow this tendency to compare to create unrealistic expectations of anyone or prevent us from seeing the other person for who they actually are.
The funny thing is that we often limit comparisons. Why only compare him to your ex. Why not compare him with your father or other male relatives and friends. In truth, we probably compare our husbands to all sorts of icons and TV dads or husbands. But, it sounds like you are comparing your own personal experience with what it was before and appreciating the improvement.
I once heard an economist suggest that the only reason so many of us feel poor is because we constantly compare ourselves to Donald Trump and Bill Gates. He said that if we would compare the luxuries we enjoy to the lifestyle the kings of the world had only 200 years ago, most of us would probably feel quite wealthy. They did not have hot running water, electricity, refrigerators, etc.
So, making comparisons is a sign of intelligence. But, so is fairness and a broad perspective in judgment.
I think it's only natural. And there is a reason he is your ex. Just be happy the current hubby is better! If it were the other way around, you'd have problems! ;)
