Communication with Partner Seems to Be Really Lacking...

I totally understand you being upset, been there done that actually . . . BUT now having been married a little longer with our kiddos a little older I'm gonna tell you that some people (men!?) just see things differently. When we had our first, I wanted to know where mine was, what he was doing, etc. If you are going to be gone longer than expected call, right!? Or let me know if your plans change and you're not where I thought you were going to be. Seems like common courtesy. But to him, it felt like a leash and like I didn't trust him.

SO, I guess I'm just saying that my guess is he didn't mean it disrespectfully. Not that you actually asked for advice, but you might sit down and talk to him when you've cooled off some. Don't fuss at him (learned that the hard way :-)) and just explain that you know he didn't mean it disrespectfully, but that's how it felt, and maybe next time he could let you know his plan - not ask permission, just tell you! At least, after lots of arguements, that's what finally got through to mine. And as for feeling like he should be home parenting instead, again, I feel the same way, but I learned that mine needed to go blow off steam sometimes - he didn't do it in the bar, but in other ways. He figured she was in daycare so what's the big deal (while I thought why wouldn't you want to get her out of daycare early and spend some extra time with her, but he needed "his" time!). Anyway, hope that helps some - I know it's frustrating, men just see things totally differently sometimes. good luck!!

Well, this is why I am still single. So hard to find a man who "feels" mine (myself and my son) as his own family. Sometimes the truest communications happens without words. And he spoke volumes, to me, with his action. If I were in you I would not ignore the gut feeling and would verify (by observing quietly) wether or not this man is doing things out of obligation (although probably well accepted) or because he's that type of family man every woman wishes for. Good luck and take your time before getting married...I hope it all turns out ok for you.

i def agree w/you. i'd be upset, not *pissed*, but definitely upset & would need to talk about it. that's just me though b/c if something like that bothers me, i'd have to get it out. let him know you're cool w/it but would've liked to known about it & it sucked hearing it from the sitter. plus, didn't you have pay the sitter more for staying home w/your baby?? idk, just saying. good luck w/"the talk". :)

I completely understand what you mean. I've caught my husband and some of his friends in lies to their spouses about where they were. They would SAY they are still at work but in reality at a bar drinking together.

I don't care if nothing 'wrong' was occurring - such as them flirting or meeting other women - and they were simply a couple of guys drinking together... the point is that their spouses (and me included) are waiting for their husbands to come home and help with the load of home/domestic/child responsibilities.

The men do not deserve some adult/fun time if their wives are not getting an equal amount of time to do the same, PERIOD! For the husbands to lie, withhold information or to be sneaky about going out is plain wrong, disrespectful and damaging to their relationship.

Start setting the ground rules now and not in a controlling way. Set the example (sounds like you do) and when you get angry or upset use your examples of what works for you, ie, how to keep the peace. In situations like this, guys respond much better to a sense of humor, instead of sad and whiney girl stuff. If my husband did this, I would ask him if his phone was broken or his fingers because I didn't get the call or text that he got off early and was going to have some fun. For the longest time (together 15yrs) he always asks or let's me know in advance when he's doing something. Your situation would pi$$ me off, but it's not the end of the world and if it doesn't happen often let it go w/a little sarcasm of course ;) Also, I know it's not always fair that we're expected to tend to the children...but, the kids prefer it and so do WE! Shake it off girlfriend :)

Men at times can see things totally different then we do. I am sure in his mind he thought "Well I could just go straight to the bar, but I didn't I did go home and check on the baby first so it's all good"!!!! Also, I am sure the reason he didn't tell you was because he knew you wouldn't approve so, in his eyes he did the right thing without having to deal with your protest. My husband is a volunteer firefighter and if I tell you how many arguments we had in the beginning of our marriage over him not calling or staying out drinking with his buddies I would loose count. My husband is a wonderful man, but it just didn't occur to him that not calling was a huge disrespect to me. He didn't see it that way, he just thought for the moment it is no big deal. I am sure your husband feels the same way. It wasn't until I really put my foot down, he saw I was upset, and then things changed. When you are less angry just talk to him about how you feel. They listen better when you are not yelling, kind of like children lol!!! I would be upset too, but realize most men are not going to think like we do as moms so try not to take it personal. They HAVE to be told unfortunately what we need and want from them. Good luck!!

I think it is a man thing. We have experienced similiar things...he gets off and stops to bs w/ a buddy. I get off work, rush to get our daughter picked up and get home and then call hiim and find he is still at the buddy's. Must be nice! Things such as this makes me feel like I am a single parent.

Did I mention that he gets up in the morning, gets himselft ready and leaves for work? While I get up, get myself ready, pack mine and our daughters snacks and lunch, get our daughter up and ready and dropped off/onto the bus. Then I go to work and pick her back up and do it all again?

Today, we couldn't help our son move in at college (junior year) in PA because w/ the hurricane coming they are talking of closing the bridge and we could get there but maybe not get back. His friend just called and needs him to ride to PA with him to get a piece of equipment. So now, he could get stuck in PA during a hurricane (leaving our daughter and I home alone). Nice huh?

It seems to me that it takes two to communicate. If you want the sitter to call you and ask first you need to tell her. And your husband is a big boy. He doesn't really need permission and probably doesn't need to send you a text when you have the sitter at home to relay a message to you. But if you want something else, then just ask him if he would do that for you next time.