Cold feet....AFTER the WEDDING????????????

I married the same kind of man: loving, cuddly, kind, and SO good. But also very much the adoring puppy dog that was constantly underfoot. How I delt with it was basically to be straightforward about it: "I need some time to myself sometimes. No, it doesn't mean I don't love you. No, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just still getting used to being taken care of and it's going to take some time for me to adjust." I had to have this talk a few times with my husband while we were adjusting to living together... don't worry though, you'll get through it.

You've not been married very long...my guess is with some time he'll ease up. Just let him know you love him but like some "me" time.

With that said don't be one of those women that love "Bad Boys". I have so many single friends that go after the guys that don't really want them and treat them bad. All they get is heartache. When a good guy comes around they always seem to find something wrong with him.

I've been married for 21 years. I dated "Bad Boys" BUT married the "Good Guy" and glad of it.

This is very common in newly weds, but it is usually both people acting like this! After a few years of marriage, I'm sure this will stop. You just need to try talking to him tonight after the kids go to bed and nothing has "come Up" like him wanting to miss practice. Try to make him understand it is nothing against him but you are feeling smothered. Unfortunately, he sounds like the kind of person who will not understand. You need to be patient and realize that your way of life has changed and you will never get back to exactly the way you want things. Both of you are going to make some compromises. Be so thankful you have a good one and try to get through it in a loving way. My husband was all over me all the time when we first got married and we never spent time apart. After 9 years, I'm trying to get us BACK to that place because you tend to let that slip away. It has only been 2 months, marriage is for life! You have to know things won't always be this way.

You have to talk to him. Obviously he already senses that you are acting differently, and he might be trying to 'win you back' by being even MORE smothering, which of course, pushes you away even more ... vicious circle. He is going to think that you are seeing someone else if you don't make it clear that you love him, but need a little more personal space and some time alone with your kids. Maybe you could write a letter telling him all the positive things about him (why you love him) and your hopes and dreams for your future together first, then say something like; "I don't want anything to come between our relationship, so I have to be totally honest with you and share my feelings and my needs." Be gentle and loving. Make sure he 'hears your heart'. Say "I feel ..." and "As a wife and mom, I need..." Take your time with it and do several drafts. Then you can decide whether you want to talk to him first, and use the letter as a back-up; or give him the letter first and then talk afterwards. If you don't already do so, I think that you should plan a date night every week (when the kids are not home) so that you can give all your time, energy and focus to your new hubby. It sounds like he's craving your attention.

Good Luck and God Bless!

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am a lot like you in that I needed some time and space of my own. I started telling my husband when I was feeling like I needed some space. And would prefer if he didn't touch me. I've been married for 5 years now to the most patient and understanding man on earth, and I have gotten a lot better about accepting having someone else in my personal space. You've got to be honest with your husband. Let him know that it's in now way a reflection on him, that you just need time to adjust to having someone as wonderful as him in the house.

No matter how good of a guy he is, you still need to maintain your individuality. It's healthier for both of you. I know you said he allows you to stay home with your kids, but maybe working part time, even for only a few hours a week, would help you get your time away. I need my alone time, as well, and I find that work does provide that in a sense, because it's something I do that doesn't involve my family (though I am not truly alone). If he loves you and wants you to be happy, he will give you some space.

I think this is a normal feeling. You need to talk to him - w/o the kids around. Set up designated times for yourself. My husband is great, but on the weekends, sometimes I think I can get projects done, but he likes to do things as a family, so I get stressed when I don't feel productive (even by just checking emails or something by myself.) SO, I usually stay up late. I let him get up w/ the kids while I sleep in on the weekends. I stay up really late sometimes and that's my alone time. We all need it.
When planning the wedding, he helped w/ everything. I had to draw the line and tell him that I wanted to find my dress by myself. He's just trying to help. I've been married almost 7years. Just keep the communication open and honest and try not to hurt eachothers' feelings. Don't stuff your feelings or run to your mom's unless it's the absulute last resort. My mom told me not to go to her house in those situations and I think that was good advice.
Oh, and try to do lots of service for him, that'll help w/ problems (sometimes).

Well I could tell you that you should give it time or that he seems like a really great guy, but You need to decide what is best for you and your new member to your family. I do want to say that it sounds like he is trying to be a part of your life. I know you said he is a really great guy and all, but you also said that YOU want to be left alone from time to time...In my eyes it sounds like you are trying to push him away without pushing and he feels it. I am no expert just letting you know what I read. My husband and I just got married as well, however we have been together for 16 yrs. We would have done it alot sooner, but the timing was just off. God knows what he is doing at All times, us on the other hand tend to do what is best for us and blame him when it goes differently then planned. I know that first hand. I thank him for all my blessings in my life. Keep it in prayer and for sure keep your heart open to recieve your blessings.
I will be praying for you for sure! You need the strength to get through this. God bless.

L.,
I appreciate your honesty. Often it's not "what you say", but "how you say it." Your husband sounds like he adores you, but just doesn't truly understand your need for space. One idea would be to write him a letter. You could reassure him of your love, but explain that you may be more introverted or place a higher value on alone time. It might be good to express that you'd like to have a "Mommy night" once a week with just you and the kids, but encourage him to have a "Step-dad" (or whatever your kids call him) night once a week also. Then on "his" night, you could read/go get a massage/talk a walk at the beach with your dog/etc. And while you're taking that walk, thank God for such a loving man! You may not want to hear this, but psychologists say that we gravitate toward what we know because it is comfortable. It sounds like your first marriage was "bad" (if it was good, wouldn't you still be with him?) Subconciously, you may be craving drama/chaos/whatever was unhealthy and wrong in your first marriage ... because it's comfortable and "what you know." Instead of focusing on what is wrong with your new husband, focus on what is RIGHT and how you two can understand each other and compromise. I can't tell you how fortunate you are, because I am divorcing your husband's polar opposite. There are women being abused physically, emotionally, sexually, just think about the alternatives. I bet you love that dog of yours ... if the dog started having accidents in the house, would you get rid of it? Or try to figure out a solution? Those kids of yours are going to be teenagers and will do somethings to make you want to pull your hair out. But I'm sure you aren't going to disown them or stop loving them. All I'm saying is do the same for your husband. If I had a man like that, I would never let him go. I'll bet if you let him go, you might spend the rest of your life missing him and regretting not working it out. You want him to modify his behavior, so isn't it fair to maybe try to make some changes of your own to save your relationship? I hope some of this might speak to your heart and give you some things you haven't thought of trying. Best of luck to you. I hope you can find (or better yet create) happiness with your new family. If you are spiritual, pray about it. Please don't think I'm criticizing you. I've had "the truth" spoken to me before, and though it was hard to hear, I was always greatful for it. A great book for all women is Simple Abundance.
Kristen

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Just be honest and explain to him that you adore him but you need some time to yourself and alone with your kids. Everything takes balance. A new marriage is a big change for everyone and before him it was you and your kids. See if you can agree on a schedule so everyone clearly understands.

His practice is good for everyone in the family. Can you start a simple tradition of sharing after his practice so you can tell him what you and the kids did and he can tell you about his time away? Might be a fun snack time for everyone to share. You didn't marry the wrong man but the less you tell him, the more he's going to smother you. He is a pleaser so if you tell him what you like, he can accommodate. Please don't be harsh with him even though you are frustrated. His heart is in the right place and he tries so hard. It's a good problem to have. You know the other side of the coin and it's heartbreaking. Good luck. You can do it.

I think you got a lot of great advice. We would love to know if you talked to him or how things turned out?

You are truly blessed, but I understand the overwhelming suffocation you feel. Try to do thoughtful things for him and read a list of all his great qualities daily. It will increase your love for him. Explain to him your need for alone time and both of you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If that doesn't help - see a counselor who can explain boundaries to him. And remember to thank God everyday for giving you a caring husband. Gratitude can turn your feelings around, sometimes.
Good Luck

You need to have a sit-down chat with him ASAP. The smothering stuff sounds to me like some sort of insecurity...is he insecure? Has he been badly burned in the past by someone? Is he a jealous person? I would go insane if I my husband was like that with me. It's not healthy.

If insecurity or other emotional issues are in play with him, choose what you say wisely and carefully. You gotta do this for yourself and your kids -- he's gonna drive all of you towards a life of resentment if it continues (or another failed marriage). To me, it doesn't just sound like the "newlywed honeymoon period"...my husband was never all underfoot like that with me (nor I with him) and I totally married one of the "good guys".

K.

OMG!! I would definately snap out if I was you...He sounds a little too needy and if he doesn't lighten up, you don't sound like you can deal...I am someone who spends most of the time by myself w/my kids and I"m just fine w/that..My husband works two jobs but is doesn't bother me in the least. Don't get me wrong, I love to be w/him but I just never minded being alone. I can't even stand when I have people come to visit for a week, I can't wait for them to leave..ha ha...Whoa...I can't believe he followed you around the house like that. When you say he doesn't do it w/out wanting in return, what does he want in return?? Just curious. Why don't you just tell him that you need time to yourself and if he doesn't want to respect that then you'll do what ya have to do I guess...Good luck..I feel for ya..

Tell him the truth as honestly as possible. He has to understand. I do.

If I wasn't married, I would ask you to send him my way!! All kidding aside, he sounds like a gem. Just let him know you would like some alone time. My husband and I were like that at the beginning, but as time went on, we started spending time apart. It was nice, because then we got to reconnect again. I think it's because you are newly married and everything is fresh. I think as time goes on, you will drift into a separate schedule. And that's a good thing, to have some apart time so when you do get together again at home, you will have something to talk about.

I used to date the bad boys type. That's not good. Being happy with someone tends to be boring, monotonous, and irritating sometimes. But I'd rather have that than the men I used to date or someone like your ex.

Just take it one day at a time and if you still feel the same way as you do now in the next year or so, then do something. But for right now, just enjoy all the attention, because it will taper off -- in a good way. Good luck. I married a man that sounds like your new husband. Believe me, it's not like that anymore, but it's still good, because I know he loves me and our daughter and I know he would never cheat on me.