Co-worker Just Confided in Me She Has Metastatic Breast Cancer, How to Support?

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my mom's passing from metastatic breast cancer. She was diagnosed at 54 and passed at 57. There are a lot of tears and just being there for support like listening to her and being that shoulder to cry on is an immense help. Would she be open to you coming by while she sits in chemo (if your schedule allows it)? I used to do that with mom and her face would light up when I just came to sit with her on my lunch break and just talk about normal stuff and just not feel alone.

The idea that was given about bringing meals over is great. My mom was so weak from cancer and treatment, not having to cook was a blessing. Hugs and prayers to your friend and to you.

I am so sorry to hear this. This really hits home for me, as Saturday will be the 1 year mark of the passing of my friend and co-worker from metastatic breast cancer. She was diagnosed at 37 and passed at 40. Her breast cancer moved to the lining of her lungs. It was devistating.

Talk with your friend. Ask if you can take her to lunch (somewhere private) or take a walk with you just to talk. Tell her you want to support her and that you want to know what she needs from her friends. My friend really wanted us to just spend time and help keep her busy and feeling normal. She did not want us to feel sorry for her to to dwell on her illness, she wanted to live a normal life as much as she could and get her mind off things and laugh. Ask her if she wants to keep this private, she might not want everyone at work to know b/c then she will feel like everyone is treating her different. If she is OK with others knowing, rally the troops. When my friend was doing chemo we would bring care packages to her house. Magazines, gatorade type drinks (she said chemo made her very thirsty), puzzles, cards, anything we could think of to brighten her day. We helped take care of her dog when she was not feeling well. We wrote notes of support randomly and sent them to her all the time. When she passed, we all found all the pictures we had of her (some of us worked together 10+ years and were close outside work as well) and put together a photo album of her life at work and gave it to her family.

With all my heart, I hope your friends situation turns out differently than mine. There is ALWAYS hope; please help her find hope in her heart. Hugs to you both.

Organizing meals, child care, and running errands will probably be the most helpful. She's going to be sick, exhausted, pressed for time, so doing things to help with the day to day tasks in life will be very appreciated. If you can organize house cleaning too, that would be great.

Get as many friends, coworkers, church members, etc to pitch in. Plus, be there for her to cry on your shoulder whenever she needs it.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I agree with SweetChaos that it would be good to ask what type of support she needs, if she wants you to ask her how she's doing, or if she wants someone to help take her mind off of it. Since she confided in you, she may want to speak about it again in private, maybe outside work. You could ask her to get coffee or dinner sometime.

I would just try to be attuned to her needs. This is a tough time and it's nice of you to be concerned enough to seek support on how to support her. Good luck. Let us know how it's going.

Ask her how you can help her. Does she have a family? If so, does she need meals delivered. You could offer to make some meals and bring them over once a week or twice a week.

Take a collection for her & her family with a card (as long as everyone is privy to the situation), or set up a care page at www.lotsahelpinghands.com so people can make meals, help with rides, kid shuttling, etc.
Tell her about www.cleaningforareason.com. 4 or 6 FREE monthly housecleanings for ANY woman receiving chemo.
Sorry about your friend. :(