Clingy Child - Escondido,CA

My second son is just like that and he is 14mos. I think it's separation anxiety stage that will pass.

If your son was following you around and saying "I'm thirsty." would you ignore that?

IMHO he's expressing his need. Yes, it's high, but it's his need. Satisfy it and eventually it will go away. If your son was born with an iron deficiency, would you give him a normal diet and expect his body to "get used to it"? Or would you give him higher doses until his levels reached normal? Not to sound cliche, but one day he will be so big you can't hold him.

Your son is learning about you and how you will and won't help him in the world. He's learning how much his family is there for him. Right now he's telling you that he needs your help (give me love and carry me). Do you want to respond with "No I won't carry you." = I won't help you fulfill your need. Figure it out on your own. Or would you rather respond with "Mommy's here, but she can't carry you right now. Let's help get X done and then we'll take a break and cuddle!" = I'm here to take care of you and you can count on me when you need help.

Put yourself in his shoes. Say you had a bad day and asked your significant other for a hug. If he said "you'll be fine." and kept on with whatever he was doing, how would you feel? It is important to him. Listen to him and figure out how to meet his needs while still meeting yours. Set a good dynamic that you want to have with your child throughout his lifetime.

I have 2 that were like this, my older daughter (now 8) and my son (now 4) who has a twin sister. For the following me around the house all day bit, I gave them both timed affection. I just got right down to their level and said, "I'm going to love you a little bit and then do some things in the kitchen." I'd love them up, play a little bit and then set a timer for an hour. I'd go on to whatever I needed to do in the kitchen and say, "When this beeps, we get hugs & kisses time." It sounds ridiculous maybe, but it worked. The timer would go off, we'd hug & kiss and then I'd set her/him up with an activity and say, "You can color or you can watch me." If I was unloading dishes, I'd say they could hand me the silverware. Or if I was doing laundry, I'd ask them to make a pile of socks. Everytime I talked to them, I got to eye level. I did the timer thing (which friends made fun of, but it did work for us!) for probably a week or two before I could just tell them I needed to go do X but would come back for some love in a little bit. Now at 8, my daughter isn't nearly as clingy or anxious around the house, but she does get nervous doing new things or going to new houses. My son is far more independent than his big sister at the same age, but I attribute a lot of that to having a twin sister and an older sister. However, both twins (even my daughter who was never clingy) will come to me when I'm tired or very busy and say, "Mom, can I have some love time now?" I can't ever refuse because I know for sure it won't last forever. As for social situations, they still come & go like yo-yos. My 8 yr old will actually stick with me for quite a bit longer than the younger two before venturing out, but it's likely because she doesn't have a built-in partner like her twin sibs do. I'm not sure if my advice is very helpful since my kids are older now, but that's what I did then. In hindsight, it's amazing how quickly they stop needing you. Good luck.

At that age, I carried my high need boy in a "hip hammock" whenever he wanted to be held and i had things to do. I got it at Walmart for under $30. It is similar to a sling, but easier to get in and out of with a clip/ buckle. He just needed that closeness. We were attachment parents (Dr.Sears), so we believe in nurturing and attending to our child's needs, rather than pushing him away until he no longer feels that he will get the attention he needs. He is as independent as they come now, at 5, but still loves to come and cuddle on his own terms. I think his behavior is perfectly normal at that age. He is still a baby trying to become a full blown toddler/ preschooler. I believe that we need to help him bridge that gap by allowing him to come back to the baby stage for short intervals during the day, for comfort before heading back out a big kid again. I think holding him when he needs that closeness will build his independence, not break it. He is 'screaming' at you so that you understand that he NEEDS you. That is a child's instinct, which cannot be 'broken'. Think about it in your own terms, if every time you tried to hug your husband he pushed you away and /or yelled at you, would you feel better or worse about yourself, would you feel more or less confident about going out into a strange situation? Would you feel loved? Cling to that clingy child, he will some day ask you to drop him off a block from the school so that his friends don't see you. Take it while you can get it.

It's a stage. My daughter went through it at that age, too. And all she wanted was mommy, not daddy, 24/7. What about purchasing the Ergo carrier? Perfect for "older" children and it's really comfortable. Just keep in mind it's a phase, and this too shall pass. What you don't want your son to feel is that you aren't there for him; that will only set you up for extended clinginess -- or worse -- withdrawal. If there's one thing we can all count on w/ children, it's change! (And enjoy the cuddling, because it definitely won't last forever!) Good luck :)

I read Dr. Sears THE BABY BOOK with my kids. My youngest, a boy is 3 now.
I remember a passage where he tells you straight up that 18mos is a very clingy time because they are now able to leave you on their own go play then realize that the world is a big place and want to be near you. It is a transition time and they do need your security at this time. My daughter was not as clingy for as long as my son was - 'they' say boys are more clingy in general...seems true in my case.
I don't think you can spoil a child with your time. Now, your time can be spoiled with meeting their wants and needs - right!!! But, maybe you can try to work on positives like telling him you want to pick him up but you will not until he uses his manners and good voice, etc
And in the end which would you rather have done - 'spoiled' your child by spending time with them or made sure the house was tidy while your child waits for you, sometimes patiently sometimes sad or mad...
Just let your husband know (and friends and family too) that he is in a transition time and your focus will be on him for a few months - to fill his cup so to speak - and that you won't be vacuuming as often, etc They are welcome to pitch in! But give it a few months, work on parenting technique and teaching them good behavior and 'stuff,' then get back to the 'grind' that is the SAHM stuff around the house - it'll still be there, I promise.

You've already gotten the suggestion that I was going to make (multiple times!).
I got through this phase with my Ergo carrier (configured to carry my daughter on one hip). That way you can do more things with your hands free.
This will pass (and you will actually miss it!), so hang in there and respond to him the best that you can. I don't think you need tough love, but there will be times that you just can't respond for a short period of time and that will ok once in awhile as long as you are attending to him the majority of the time he requests it.

Well, ya can't beat it outta him. He is going through a clingy stage, but I don't blame you for not wanting to carry him around all the time. Try to find ways that he can be near you and you can still get things done. Like while you are making dinner, you could put him in his high chair next to where you are working and give him a carrot and a washcloth or something so he can "help" you make dinner. When he gets bored with the carrot, toss him a potato, you get the idea. When you are cleaning, give him a dustcloth, let him have a turn with the broom. Praise him for being so helpful to mommy and how much you love doing things together. You will probably need to alternate between doing your "stuff" and doing his "stuff" like read a snuggle book and then ask him to help you with dinner, then play with trucks while it's baking. Good luck. Just remember, he will be off to school before you know it!!

I can't say I know the answer. My son is much more clingy than my daughter and they both have gone through long bouts (probably related to teething or not feeling well) of being very clingy, especially around 18 months. I feel very frustrated at times too that I can't do much when they're like that. They're twins and when both are like that it is very difficult. But, I feel that they are responding to some type of emotional need and its better to accomodate them as much as I humanely possible than to brush them off. He is not clinging to make your life harder, he just wants to be comforted. You won't spoil him by responding to his needs. This is a very tender age and whatever you can do to fulfill his needs will make him a more confident, secure and emotionally healthy individual. It is possible that he is so clingy because his needs aren't being met and if they were met maybe he'd back off a bit. I've learned with my twins that if I take the time to respond they get what they need emotionally and then go off. If I fight their needs, their emotional demands just get worse and keep going and then everyone ends up being upset.

Putting him in a carrier that you wear is the easiest solution. He will be happy and you can still get things done. I have the Ergo for my 9 month old, which is perfect for your son's age also. PLEASE don't listen to the people who tell you to ignore him or his needs. He is still a baby and needs you, as the other Mommas have written.
I don't know from personal experience, but I think the "tough love" stuff is for older children.

My son was JUST like this at that age and he is also the second child. My daughter was clingy, but only at around 9-10 months old and then kind of got over it. My son was so bad that he would scream even if Daddy tried to hold him or if I left him at home with Daddy. He ONLY wanted me! Well, I got diagnosed with breast cancer in December and had a double mastectomy in January when he was 19 months old. All I can say is that when they are forced to be without you, they learn to be more independent. My Mom was here to help and he got kind of attached to her, but she has bad knees and couldn't carry him around (especially up and down the stairs), so he just had to learn to live with it. I was in the hospital for 3 days and then was in a lot of pain at home for the first couple of days, so he didn't see me for about 5 days (we didn't let him into my room because I didn't want him to scream and reach for me when I couldn't hold or cuddle him). Eventually, we had to let him come in to see me and he gave me the cold shoulder! LOL! He could have cared less that I was there. I was actually okay with that because I couldn't have held him anyway at that point (I actually wasn't allowed to pick him up for almost 2 months), but I did want him to know that I was there. All of that to say that now, he likes hubby as much or more than me these days. He has finally figured out that he can get cuddles and attention from him too and actually prefers Daddy to put him to bed.

I'm not advocating leaving for 5 days in order to accomplish this, but I will say that by not giving in to his demands to be picked up, he will learn that he is going to have to find something else to do. I've also realized with my son that he is generally not as good at "finding something to do" as my daughter was at that age. He also has a much shorter attention span, so he has to change activities more often. Sometimes, if I take the time to get something out for him to do (blocks, stacking cups, puzzles, etc), he will sit and play with them for awhile before he comes looking for me again. Then, I have to find something else for him. It's kind of a pain, but at least I can keep him occupied with something for short periods of time and I don't have to hold him all of the time! I also think this just gets better with age. They aren't developmentally ready to play "with" other kids yet at that age, so there is only so much entertainment an older sibling can provide. But, now that my son is almost 2, he plays WITH his big sister a lot more, whereas before, he would play alongside her.

As for how to deal with the tantrum when he doesn't get his way, I would start a short timeout or just ignore it and walk away (which is hard if they are chasing after you). I tried ignoring first and if it escalated to sheer screaming and craziness, then I would put him in his bed with some books and a few toys to settle himself down. When he stopped the screaming and crying, I would go back and get him and tell him that I loved him, but that he had to play by himself for a little while. I also made sure to spend time holding him throughout the day so that he could get his fix (I didn't completely make him play alone all day long), but give them an inch and you know how it goes! Good luck to you. This is a tough age, but they do tend to grow out of it when they get just a little closer to 2. I hope this was helpful!